Santa Claus, like all pilots, gets regular visits from the Federal Aviation Administration (FAA), and it was shortly before Christmas when the FAA examiner arrived.In preparation, Santa had the elves wash the sled and bathe all the reindeer. Santa got his logbook out and made sure all his paperwork was in order.The examiner walked slowly around the sled. He checked the reindeer harnesses, the landing gear, and Rudolph’s nose. He painstakingly reviewed Santa’s weight and balance calculations for the sled’s enormous payload. Finally, they were ready for the check-ride. Santa got in, fastened his seatbelt and shoulder harness, and checked the compass. Then the examiner hopped in carrying, to Santa’s surprise, a shotgun.”What’s that for?” asked Santa incredulously.The examiner winked and said, “I’m not supposed to tell you this, but as part of the test, you’re gonna lose an engine on take-off.”
Author: admin
Why God Created Eve
Top Ten Reasons Why God Created Eve
10. God was worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the Garden.
9. God knew that one day Adam would require someone to locate and hand him the remote.
8. God knew Adam would never go out and buy himself a new fig leaf when his wore out and would therefore need Eve to buy one for him.
7. God knew Adam would never be able to make a doctor’s, dentist, or haircut appointment for himself.
6. God knew Adam would never remember which night to put the garbage on the curb.
5. God knew if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing.
4. As the Keeper of the Garden, Adam would never remember where he left his tools.
3. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.
2. As the Bible says, It is not good for man to be alone.
And finally, the Number 1 reason why God created Eve…
1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched his head, and said, “I can do better than that!”
Rugby players eat their dead….
Rugby players eat their dead.
Lawyer Source
An anxious woman goes to her doctor.
“Doctor,” she asks nervously, “can you get pregnant from anal intercourse?”
“Certainly,” replies the doctor, “Where do you think lawyers come from!”
Women’s Little Instruction Book
“A Women’s Little Instruction Book”
1. If you think the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach you’re
aiming too high.
2. Women don’t make fools of men — most of them are the
do-it-yourself types.
3. The best reason to divorce a man is a health reason: you’re sick of
him.
4. Never trust a man who says he’s the boss at home. He probably lies
about other things too.
5. A woman’s work that is never done is the stuff she asked her
husband to do.
6. If you want a nice man go for a bald one — they try harder.
7. Go for younger men. You might as well — they never mature anyway.
8. A man who can dress himself without looking like Wurzel Gummidge is
unquestionably gay.
9. Men are all the same — they just have different faces so you can
tell them apart.
10. Definition of a man with manners — he gets out of the bath to pee.
11. Whenever you meet a man who would make a good husband, you will
usually find that he is.
12. Scientists have just discovered something that can do the work of
five men — a woman.
13. There are a lot of words you can use to describe men — strong,
caring, loving — they’d be wrong but you could still use them.
14. Men are like animals — messy, insensitive and potentially violent
— but they make great pets.
15. Men’s brains are like the prison system — not enough cells per
man.
Clean Your Mouse
How to clean your mouse…
This memo is from an unnamed computer company. It went to all field engineers about a computer peripheral problem. The author of this memo was quite serious. The engineers rolled on the floor.
Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Unit) therefore, if a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls, should only be attempted by properly trained personnel. Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls.
Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop off method. Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist-off method.
Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge.
Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately. It is recommended that each replacer have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction. Any customer missing his balls should suspect local personnel of removing these necessary items.
Undivided attention
What do you have when you have two little balls in your hand?
A man’s undivided attention.
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by yisman
Bribery Will Get You
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying “A dollar per point.”The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $64 change….
Superbowl Sunday
A guy named Joe receives a free ticket to the SuperBowl from his
company. Unfortunately, when Joe arrives at the stadium, he
realizes the seat is in the last row in the corner of the
stadium–he’s closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the field. About
halfway through the first quarter, Joe sees through his
binoculars an empty seat 10 rows off the field right on the 50
yardline.
He decides to take a chance and makes his way through the
stadium and around the security guards to the empty seat. As he
sits down, Joe asks the gentleman sitting next to him, “Excuse
me, is anyone sitting here?” The man says, “No.”
Now, very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, Joe
again inquires of the man next to him, “This is incredible! Who
in their right mind would have a seat like this at the SuperBowl
and not use it?!” The man replies, “Well, actually, the seat
belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she
passed away. This is the first SuperBowl we haven’t been
together at since we got married in 1967.”
“Well, that’s really sad,” said Joe, “but still, you couldn’t
find anyone to take the seat? A friend or close relative?” “No,”
the man replies, “They’re all at the funeral.”
Black man, white…
A man walks into a bar, sits down and drinks a beer. Then he drinks another beer, and another and…soon he needs to take a leak. He’s standing at the urinal in the men’s room, when he looks over and notices three black men standing at the other urinals. He notices that the one in the middle has a white cock. He zips up and, still a bit confused, goes back to the bar. He orders another brewsky and mentions to the bartender, “I was in the men’s room and noticed three black men in there. I swear the one in the middle had a white cock!
The bartender says, pointing, “You mean those three guys at that table over there?”
“Yes”, the man says, “They’re the ones.”
“Well,” replies the bartender, “those guys aren’t black. They’re coal miners. The one in the middle must have gone home for lunch.”
Sack of patatoes
There was a blonde, a red head , and a bunett they were runing from the cops so they hid in sacks of patatoes the cops go over to the first bag wich has the red head in it and they kick it and she goes ruf ruf they go to the sencond bag wich has the bunett in it th cops kick it she goes meow They go over to the 1 with the blonde in it and they kick it she goes pooootaaatooesss
Here I Sit
Here I sit in gassly vapour,
Some dumb fuck used all the paper
No longer will I sit and linger,
Look out asshole, here comes my finger!