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Cierto d�a, todos los n�meros 0 ten�an una fiesta, pero un 8 que andaba por ah� tambi�n quer�a entrar:
“�Demonios, esos malditos n�meros racistas no me van a dejar entrar a su fiesta!”
Entonces, se le ocurri� un plan. As� que entra a la fiesta como si nada; pero al ver esto los n�meros 0, se acercan a �l y le reclaman:
“Eh, idiota, �sta es una fiesta de n�meros 0, �qu� haces aqu� si t� eres un 8?”
“�Ea, tranquilos hermanos, si tan s�lo me apret� mucho el cintur�n!”
“It looks like now the military action is taking effect. They think that bin
Laden’s organization is starting to break down. Today satellite photos actually
show the sand fleas are leaving his beard.”
your momma so fat when she jumped in the ocean all the whales sang we are family
A guy comes home three sheets to the wind and all three sheets ripping bad, Budweiser sloshing around in his belly like a keg adrift in a roiling sea. He loop-legs it through the door and is met by his wife, who is scowling, figuring he’s been out jumping new bones.”Where the hell you been all night?” she demands.”At this fantastic new saloon,” he says.”The Golden Saloon. Everything there is golden.” “Bullshit! There’s no such place!” Guy says, “Sure there is! Joint’s got huge golden doors, a golden floor. Hell, even the urinal’s gold!” The wife still doesn’t believe his story, and the next day checks the phone book, finding a place across town called the Golden Saloon. She calls up the place to check her old man’s story.”Is this the Golden Saloon?” she asks when the bartender answers the phone.”Yes it is,” bartender answers.”Do you have huge golden doors?” “Sure do.” “Do you have golden floors?” “Most certainly do.” “What about golden urinals?” There’s a long pause, then the woman hears the bartender yelling,”Hey, Duke, I think I got a lead on the guy that pissed in your saxophone last night!”
In The Oregonian, a Meier and Frank department store
advertisement for women’s bras and panties reads:
The perfect gift for that special woman in your life,
or great to keep for yourself.
One Sunday a young child was acting up during the 10 o’clock Mass. The parents
did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew but were losing the
battle.
Finally, the father picked the little fellow up and walked sternly up the
aisle and carried the boy outside.
Just before reaching the safety of the foyer the little one called loudly to
the congregation, “Pray for me! Pray for me!”
A farmer went lookin 4 his goat in the jungle. In the same jungle there was this couple doing it.
The guys yells out, “What a nice bush!”, and the farmer hollers back, “Would you mind checking if my goat is in that bush?”
Once there was this hunter, out in the forest, hunting bears.
As the hunter approached a clearing in the forest, he saw a bear. One of the biggest bears he’d ever seen. So he crouches down behind a largish rock, takes careful aim with his shotgun, and fires. After the smoke clears, he runs down tothe clearing, and the bear’s body is gone!
He searches the clearing, but to no avail. Then there’s a tap-tap-tap on his shoulder. The hunter looks around, and it’s the bear! “You just tried to kill me, didn’t you?”. Says the bear.”Uh, no. No I didn’t”. The hunter, taken aback by a talking bear, lies.”Yes you did. Don’t lie, or I’ll rip your arms off” “Uh, yeah, yeah I did.” “Alright”, says, the bear, “I’ll let you go if you do one thing for me.” “What’s that?”, inquires the hunter. “Give me a head-job.” “What??” “On your knees” So, the hunter obliges, and leaves the clearing.
Well, the hunter’s pissed-off. “Humiliated by a bear!”, he thinks to himself. “I’ll teach that bastard”. He runs to the local town, and buys an Uzi sub-machine gun, and runs back to the clearing. The bear is still there, basking in the sun. “I’ve got you now, bear”, the hunter says to himself, andopens fire from behind the rock.
Again, after the smoke clears, the hunter runs down to the clearing. No bear. Tap-tap-tap on his shoulder. Gulp. “You just tried to kill me again, didn’t you?”. Says the bear. “Uh, no. No I didn’t”, lies the hunter. “Yes you did. Don’t lie, or I’ll rip your legs off” “Ok! I did.” “Alright”, says, the bear, “I’ll let you go if you do one thing for me.” “What’s that?”, inquires the hunter. “Drop your pants and bend over” “No way!” “Ok. Prepare to get your legs ripped off.” “Alright! I’ll do it, you bastard” So, the hunter obliges, and leaves the clearing, walking rather gingerly.
“I’ll fucking get the bastard this time”, the hunter thinks to himself, and buys a rocket launcher. He runs back to the clearing, and blasts everything into oblivion. Trees are on fire, rocks are broken, the ground is scorched. Again, after the smoke clears, the hunter runs down to the clearing. No bear.
Tap-tap-tap on his shoulder. Gulp. “You’re not here for the hunting, are you?”, says the bear.
A retired gentleman went into the social security office to apply for Social Security.After waiting in line a long time he got to the counter. The woman behind the counter asked him for his drivers license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realised he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home.”Will I have to go home and come back now?” he asks. The woman says, “Unbutton your shirt.”So he opens his shirt revealing lots of curly silver hair. She says, “That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me,” and she processed his Social Security application.When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the Social Security office.She said, “You should have dropped your pants, you might have qualified for disability, too.”
Last time I saw a face like yours I fed it a banana.
A man and his wife were doing yard work outside. The wife goes
inside to take a shower. The husband was still outside and
wanted to rake up the leaves on his front lawn, but he couldn’t
find the damn rake.
He yells to his wife, who looks out the upstairs bathroom
window, “Where’s the rake?” Unfortunately she can’t hear him. So
he decides to point to his eye (meaning I), points to his knee
(meaning need), and then makes raking motions. She has no idea
what he means and yells, “What?” So he goes through the whole
routine again.
She nods, this time, like she understands what he’s trying to
say and, then, points to her eye, points to her left breast,
points to her ass, and points to her crotch. Her husband is
totally confused (and somewhat aroused), so he goes into the
house, runs up the stairs, and leans his head around the corner.
“What did you say?” he asks. She replies, “Eye, left tit,
behind, the bush.”
Why has phones been stopped in china?
Because there is so many wings and so many wongs,you might wing the wong number