Why don’t blondes like making Kool-Aid?
Because they can’t fit eight cups of water in the little packet.
Author: admin
Pepe Sierra, un gaucho del
Pepe Sierra, un gaucho del norte argentino, se encontraba en su casa descansando despu�s de un arduo d�a de trabajo, sentado en su sill�n favorito y mirando un divertido programa de televisi�n.
De pronto, Pepe Sierra se encuentra en un lugar desconocido, lleno de luz y bruma, y ante una puerta de gigantes proporciones; no le queda otra opci�n que golpearla, y al hacerlo, un se�or de blanca barba le pregunta:
“�S�, hijo? �Qu� deseas?”
“Soy Pepe Sierra, estaba descansando en mi casa y de pronto aparezco aqu�: no tengo idea de lo que pasa”.
El misterioso se�or le explica que �l era San Pedro, que hab�a tenido la mejor de las muertes y que se encontraba ante las puertas del cielo.
San Pedro le pregunta su nombre. Al revisar el gran libro de admisiones, le explica que no est� registrado para ingresar al cielo y que deber�a estar en el purgatorio.
“�Yo, Pepe Sierra en el purgatorio? Si siempre fui un buen padre, un buen marido, un buen hijo, �c�mo puede ser posible?”
“Bueno, hijo, puede haber alg�n error, t� sabes, s�lo el jefe es perfecto. �Por qu� no vas y averiguas?”
Pepe Sierra, se encuentra nuevamente en un lugar extra�o, ante otra puerta gigante y amarillenta; al golpearla, un extra�o se�or la da la bienvenida al purgatorio al preguntar:
“�S�, hijo? �Qu� deseas?”
“Soy Pepe Sierra, estaba descansando en mi casa y de pronto aparec� en el cielo. Ah� me dijeron que no estaba registrado y me mandaron aqu�, al purgatorio”.
Tras revisar su nombre en el gran libro de admisiones, le informa que no est� registrado para ingresar al purgatorio y que debe irse al infierno.
“�Yo, Pepe Sierra en el infierno? Si siempre fui un buen padre, un buen marido, un buen hijo, �c�mo puede ser posible?”
“Bueno, hijo, puede haber alg�n error, t� sabes, s�lo el jefe es perfecto. �Por qu� no vas y averiguas?”
La entrada al infierno result� ser un lugar bastante c�lido. La decoraci�n de color rojiza, con m�sica ambiental y toda la cosa.
El diablo, al presentarse, le pregunta el objeto de su visita:
“Soy Pepe Sierra, estaba descansando en mi casa y de pronto aparec� en el cielo. Ah� me dijeron que no estaba registrado y me mandaron al purgatorio, donde tampoco estaba registrado, y aqu� estoy”.
“Bien, hijo, �c�mo dijiste que te llamas? A ver, s�, efectivamente, aqu� estas registrado. bueno, pasa”.
“�Yo, Pepe Sierra en el infierno? Si siempre fui un buen padre, un buen marido, un buen hijo… ya pues, don diablo, una manita”.
“Mira, hijo, a veces hay errores, y como no tengo antecedentes en contra tuya, voy a darte una oportunidad m�s: te voy a reencarnar”.
Al revisar un pergamino, comunica a Pepe Sierra que �nicamente quedan dos opciones para su reencarnaci�n: sapo o gallina.
“Mmm, en sapo, todo el d�a mojado, en el barro, comiendo moscas. No, eso no es para m�. A ver, en gallina, todo en d�a echado, descansando, comiendo ma�z, un mont�n de �atas alrededor… s�, quiero ser gallina”.
Sin objetar, y antes de que Pepe Sierra terminare de pensar (buen tipo este don diablo), se encontr� en un gallinero.
No pasaron ni dos minutos, cuando un gran gallo se aproxim� a Pepe Sierra para darle la bienvenida y explicarle sus obligaciones:
“Mira, Pepe Sierra, este es tu corral, no tienes otra obligaci�n que poner 10 huevos cada 24 horas, si no los pones: huuuu, haaaa, toma, toma, huuu (con gestos y todo), y eso dueeeele”.
“�Yo, Pepe Sierra, huuuu, haaaa, toma, toma, huuu, contigo? �Est�s loco, si yo soy todo un machote, 10 huevos no son nada para Pepe Sierra!”
Al d�a siguiente, cuando hab�an transcurrido 10 horas, Pepe Sierra despierta temprano y se da cuenta que ya hab�a puesto un huevo, y sin realizar esfuerzo alguno, lo que le lleva a despreocuparse al extremo.
A las doce en punto, con dos huevos ya en su haber, ve que el gallo se le acerca, lo levanta con una sola ala y revisa su logro:
“Bueno, Pepe Sierra, te quedan 10 horas; has puesto 3 huevos, te faltan 7 m�s, no los pones: huuuu, haaaa, toma, toma, huuu (con gestos y todo), y eso dueeeele”.
“�Yo, Pepe Sierra, huuuu, haaaa, toma, toma, huuu, contigo? �Est�s loco, si yo soy todo un machote, 7 huevos no son nada para Pepe Sierra!”
Pasaron 7 horas m�s, y Pepe Sierra, despu�s de haber dormido una siesta, se da cuenta que tan s�lo hab�a puesto 3 huevos m�s. Le pone empe�o y mucho esfuerzo y despu�s de una hora m�s, logro poner otro huevo. Le faltaban 3 y estaba exhausto.
Cuando hab�an pasado 23 horas, el gallo se acerca a Pepe Sierra lo levanta y verifica que nada m�s hab�a puesto 8 huevos, y le advierte:
“Bueno, Pepe Sierra, te queda 1 hora; has puesto 8 huevos, te faltan 2 m�s, no los pones: huuuu, haaaa, toma, toma, huuu (con gestos y todo), y eso dueeeele”.
“�Yo, Pepe Sierra, huuuu, haaaa, toma, toma, huuu, contigo? �Est�s loco, si yo soy todo un machote, 2 huevos no son nada para Pepe Sierra!”
Faltando 5 minutos para que se cumplieran las 24 horas, nos encontramos con un Pepe Sierra hecho pelotas, sudando y pujando. En eso ve una enorme sombra aproxim�ndose por debajo de la puerta. Pepe Sierra comienza a pujar con toda su alma y, como el mayor placer de su vida, siente como algo brota de entre sus entra�as: �s�, puso el noveno huevo!
�Pam!, ve al gallo abrir la puerta vestido de cuero negro, con un l�tigo en el ala derecha. Sadomasoquista el gallo.
Mientras el gallo se acerca, Pepe Sierra, hace el mayor esfuerzo de su vida: puja, puja, puja. Repentinamente, siente que algo brota, algo est� saliendo, le pone m�s empe�o, s�, s�, est� saliendo, lo siente calientito, siente que est� brotando, m�s fuerza, m�s fuerza, s�, s����, �s����! Y en ese incre�ble instante, una voz retumba en su cabeza y un empuj�n lo saca de su �xtasis:
“�Pepe, Pepe, despierta, te est�s cagando!”
Indian with no experience
One evening, an Indian walked into the old western town near the out skirts of his village. When he got to main street he headed straight for the whorehouse. When he got to the whorehouse he walked up to a woman there and he held out a small bag of gold and said, “me have money, me want woman.” She looked him up and down and said, “Boy, you need to know how to make love to a woman, before getting with one of my girls. Come back when you have some experience.” The Indian left and walked out of the town back to his village. The following day he went out to the woods and found a tree with a knothole in it, and had his way with the tree, and proceeded on with other trees late into the evening. The following evening, the Indian walked back into town with his sack of gold in one hand and a 2×4 piece of wood in the other. When he stepped inside the whorehouse, the same older woman greeted him… He then held out his bag of gold and proclaimed, “Me have money, me want woman, me have experience.” She then said, “Well then boy, I guess I can send you upstairs with one of my ladies now.” Right then a very beautiful woman walked around the corner, took him by the hand and walked him upstairs to a room. Once they were there, they both proceeded to take of each other’s clothes. As soon as the two of them were completely naked, the Indian then told the woman to turn around and bend over. She looked at him puzzled and then bent over as the Indian requestedThen the Indian WHAKED her on the ass with the 2×4.She screamed and jumped up and demanded. “What the hell was that for?”The Indian stated ” I was checking for bees!”
Father & Son
Son:”Dad, I have to do a special report for school. Can I ask you a question?”
Father: “Sure son. What’s the question?”
Son: “What is politics?”
Father: “Well, let’s take our home for example. I am the wage earner, so let’s call me “Capitalism”. Your mother is the administrator of money, so we’ll call her “Government”. We take care of your needs, so we’ll call you “The People”. We’ll call the maid “The Working Class”, and your baby brothe we can call “The Future”.
“Do you understand, Son?”
Son: “I’m not really sure, Dad. I’ll have to think about it”.
That night, awakened by his baby brother’s crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering that the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parent’s room and found his mother sound asleep. He went to the maid’s room, where, peeking through the keyhole, he saw his father in bed with the maid. The boy’s knocking went totally unheeded by his father and the maid, so the boy returned to his room and went back to sleep.
The next morning he reported to his father. “Dad, now I think I understand what politics is”.
Father: “Good son! Can you explain it to me in your own words?”
Son: “Well Dad, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, Government is sound asleep, the People are being completely ignored and the Future is full of shit”.
Goodbye Kiss
It’s Harold’s first day in the car pool. They honk the horn in front of his house and he comes running out. He gets about halfway down the walk when he hears a grunt and the sound of his wife’s foot tapping on the porch. He turns around and there she is, scowling at him. He runs back to the steps, spreads her bathrobe, bends over, kisses her on the privates, runs back down the walk and hops in the car. They ride in silence for a few minutes, until Burnett, the driver, can’t stand it. Burnett asks, “Harold, it’s none of my business, but why’d you kiss her down there?” Harold says, “You wouldn’t believe her breath in the morning.”
Choire boys
q; what do priests and acne have in common?
a; theydo not come on your face until you are thirteen!
YOo MoMmA………..
YO MOMA LIKE A TELAPHONE–ANY1 COULD PICK HER UP
How many bodybuilders
How many bodybuilders does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Five. One to screw it in, and the other four to stand around and say, “Come on, dude… Just one more rep! You can do it! Yeah!”
Grocery List
A piece of paper you spent half an hour writing, and then forgot to
take with you to the store.
Disappearing Wife
A man left work one Friday afternoon. But, being payday, instead
of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with
the boys and ended up spending his entire paycheck.
When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night, he was
confronted by his very angry wife and was barraged for nearly
two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.
Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him,
“How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three
days?”
To which he replied, “That would be fine with me.”
Monday went by and didn’t see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday
came and went with the same results.
Come Thursday, the swelling went down just enough to where he
could see her out of the corner of his left eye.
Your so ugly
You are so ugly the last time you got a piece of ass was when your hand slipped through the toilet paper.
Really Stupid People
Really Stupid People A man in Johannesberg, South Africa, shot his 49-year-old friend in the face, seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting beer cans off each other’s head.