Author: admin

Dogfigt

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A man in a bar with his Labrador at his feet was intrigued to see another dog owner enter the bar. ‘That’s a strange looking dog you have there,’ he said. ‘Yes, he is rather,’ said the newcomer, ‘but he’s a great fighter.’ ‘Is he now? I bet he isn’t as good a fighter as my Fang here.’ ‘All right – how much do you wanna bet?’ ‘Ten dollars.’ ‘You’re on.’ So the two men let their dogs fight. Eventually the Labrador crawled, battered and bloody, to his master’s side. ‘I’d never thought I’d see Fang get defeated,’ said the loser’s master, handing over the ten dollars, ‘especially by such an odd-looking one like yours.’ ‘Yes, he does look a little peculiar,’ agreed the winner’s master. ‘But he looked even odder before I shaved his mane off . . . ‘

Fun at 100 MPH

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A young couple was out carousing one evening. While driving down the highway the guy asked his girlfriend, ”If I go 100 miles an hour, will you take off all of your clothes?” She agreed and he began to speed up. When the speedometer reached 100 she started to strip. When she got all her clothes off, he is so busy staring at her that he drove off the road and flipped the car over. The girl is thrown clear without a scratch, but her clothes and her boyfriend are trapped in the car. ”Go get help,” he pleaded. She replied, ”I can’t, I’m naked.” Looking around, he pointed to his shoe that was thrown clear and said, ”Cover your crotch with that and go get help from the gas station down the road.” She took the shoe, covered herself between the legs, and ran to the gas station down the road. When she arrived she was frantic and yelled to the attendant, ”HELP! HELP! My boyfriend’s stuck!” The attendant looked down at the shoe covering her crotch and replied with some astonishment, ”I think he’s too far in!

WHO IS THE MIGHTIEST?

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There was this tiger who woke up one morning and just felt great. He just felt
so good, he went out and cornered a small monkey and roared at him: “WHO IS THE
MIGHTIEST OF ALL THE JUNGLE ANIMALS?”
This poor quaking little monkey replied: “You are of course, no one is
mightier than you.”
A little while later this tiger confronts a deer, and just bellows out: “WHO
IS THE GREATEST AND STRONGEST OF ALL THE JUNGLE ANIMALS?”
The deer is shaking so hard it can barely speak, but manages to stammer: “Oh
great tiger, you are by far the mightiest animal in the jungle.”
The tiger, being on a roll, swaggered, up to an elephant that was quietly
munching on some weeds, and roared at the top of his voice: “WHO IS THE
MIGHTIEST OF ALL THE ANIMALS IN THE JUNGLE?”
Well, this elephant grabs the tiger with his trunk, picks him up, slams him
down; picks him up again, and shakes him until the tiger is just a blur of
orange and black, and finally throws him violently into a nearby tree.
The tiger staggers to his feet and looks at the elephant and says: “Man, just
because you don’t know the answer, you don’t have to get so mad.”

Drinking & Fishing

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It seems one day there was a Russian, a Mexican, and a Texan fishing in a boat in the middle of a lake.

After a few hours, the Russian pulls out a brand new bottle of Vodka, takes one drink, then throws the bottle into the lake.

When the others ask him about this, the Russian says “there is plenty of Vodka where I come from”.

A while later, the Mexican pulls out a new bottle of Tequila, takes one drink, then throws the bottle into the lake.

When the others ask him about this, the Mexican says “there is plenty of Tequila where I come from”.

Another hour passes and then the Texan pulls out a new bottle of Lone-Star Beer, takes one drink, then throws the Mexican into the lake.

$5 prostitute

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Clinton is out jogging around in some of the seedier areas of Washington D.C. He notices a good looking prostitute. She sees this and calls out: “Fifty dollars!” He is tempted, but the price is a little high. So he calls back: “Five!” She is disappointed and turns away and Bill continues his jog.A few days later, he finds himself jogging in the same area and as luck would have it, the prostitute is still there. But she want not come down on her price. “Fifty!” she shouts and Bill answers her: “Five!” No sale. About a week later, Hillary has decided that she wants to get into shape so she demands to go jogging with Bill. They get to the seedy part of town and the same prostitute is still there. She eyes Bill and Hillary together and yells: “See what you get for five dollars!”

Top 10 causes of death at the computer

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10.) CD’s were used for a game of frisbee and were found to be too sharp for this purpose. 9.) Died of old age while waiting for a webpage to load. 8.) Died of starvation while waiting for online-ordered meal to arrive. 7.) Went mad trying to understand computer manual. 6.) Computer exploded due to overload of spam and junk mail. 5.) Died of poverty after making the mistake of trying to keep their computer up-to-date. 4.) Bought a mega-hyper-gigaforcep-gerpatologicatron and were never seen again. 3.) Attempted to wire up everything in their house and died of sever burns while trying to flush the toilet. 2.) Tried to design a computer mouse that resembled a real mouse (ate cheese, ran around, squeeked and bit) and died in the process of varied causes. And the number one cause of death at the computer….. 1.) Commited suicide with frustration after trying to make sense on windows ’95.