Yo mama is like home depo ten cents a screw
Author: admin
Quotes from the mind of Mr. Rogers
1) You know what, I don’t give a rat’s be-hind about whether
you’re my neighbor or not. I STILL HATE YOU.
2) Where’s the exterminator? I’ve got a friggin world of puppets
in my wall, and nobody’s noticed a darn thing.
3) You know what? This neighborhood sucks. I don’t care what my
lines say, this neighborhood still sucks.
4) Yo, costume man! Screw you, and give me a better closet. I AM
SICK OF STUPID SWEATERS AND COATS.
5) Ah, never mind with the exterminator. He ain’t coming. I’m
going in that little hole in the wall to see what kind of hades
those puppets have made in my home.
6) I told the director I don’t like fish. What does he give me?
A huge tank of ’em.
7) Two words: SCREW LOAFERS
8) What’s a guy gotta do to get his mail? The stupid mailman
only comes around every two friggin years.
9) Holy mackeral, those hades-raisers have built a whole darn
puppet castle in my house.
10) That’s it, I’m blowing up the house. Whether I’m gonna be in
it or not depends on what the director says: Go ahead and kill
myself, I kill myself. Don’t kill myself, and I kill myself.
NYC Miranda Rights
1. You have the right to swing first. Anything you do can and will lead to an ass-kicking. 2. You have the right to have a priest and/or an EMT present at the time of the ass-kicking. 3. If you don’t have a priest, one will be appointed free of charge, to read you your last prayer.The Miranda Rights As Cops Would Really Like To Read Them…..1. No, I don’t care who you are. 2. No, I don’t care who you know. 3. Yes… you DO pay my salary. 4. Yes… you CAN have my job. 5. No, I don’t have anything better to do. 6. Yes, I DO arrest real criminals sometimes. 7. No, I am not picking on you because you are _____________ (fill in some ethnic group/race). 8. No, I can’t give you a break. 9. No, I don’t know your friend, Officer ______. 10. Yes, you will be allowed to make a phone call. 11. Yes, I’m sure you will never do it again. 12. No, we can’t talk about it. 13. Yes, it DOES make me happy. 14. Yes, you WILL see me in court.
You are Addicted to being online if….
- Your service provider calls *you* for tech support
- Someone at school/work tells you a joke and you say “LOL!”
- Three words: carpal tunnel syndrome
- You come home from somewhere and wait for your friends to say “re.”
- You get a second phone line, just so you can call Domino’s.
- You raise your hand in school and say “BRB”
- You begin to say hehehe instead of laughing.
- You know and regularly use more than 10 different ways to smile in ascii text. 🙂
- When someone says “What did you say?”, you automatically say “scoll up!”
- You marry your cybergirl/boyfriend and the two of you sit across the room typing love messages to each other.
Chemistry’s greatest achivement?
What is chemistry’s greatest achievement ……
Artificial blondes!
Estaba una se�ora con bigotes
Estaba una se�ora con bigotes sentada a fuera de su casa, cuando de pronto pasa Pepito y se le queda viendo fijamente y sin avanzar.
Entonces la se�ora se molesta y le dice: “�Qu� nunca hab�as visto una mujer con bigotes?”
Y Pepito le contesta:
“�Gratis, no!”
The Cellar
I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in the cellar and my wife insisted I empty the contents of each bottle down the sink, or else… After careful consideration, I reluctantly agreed and finally proceeded with the unpleasant task.
I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink with the exception of one glass, which I drank. Then, I withdrew the cork from the second bottle and did likewise with it, with the exception of one glass, which I drank.
I then withdrew the cork from the third bottle and poured the whiskey down the sink which I drank. I pulled the cork from the fourth bottle down the sink and poured the bottle down the glass, which I drank. I pulled the bottle from the cork of the next and drank one sink out of it, and threw the rest down the glass.
I pulled the sink out of the next glass and poured the cork down the bottle. Then, I corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink and drank the pour. When I had everything emptied, I steadied the house with one hand, counted the glasses, corks, bottles, and sinks with the other, which were twenty-nine, and as the houses came by I counted them again, and finally I had all the houses in one bottle, which I drank.
I’m not under the affluence of incohol as some tinkle peep I am. I’m not half as thunk as you might drink. I fool so feelish I don’t know who is me, and the drunker I stand here, the longer I get. I’m not drunk you shilly sit! �
He shouldn’t have asked!
MR. SMITH got himself a new secretary.
She was young, sweet and pretty.
One day, while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open.
When leaving the room she said, “Oh, Mr. Smith, did you know your barracks door is open?”
He did not understand her remark, but later he happened to look down and saw his zipper was open.
He decided to have some fun with his new secretary. Calling her in he asked, “By the way Miss Jones, when you saw my barracks door open did you also see a soldier standing at attention?”
The secretary who was quite witty said, “Why no Mr. Smith.
All I saw was a little disabled veteran sitting on two duffle bags.”
Knock KnockWho’s there?Frida!Frida who?Frida be!
Knock KnockWho’s there?Frida!Frida who?Frida be!
You’re a redneck … you consider a six-pack
You’re a redneck if…. You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality
entertainment.
Cliff Shit
Once there was an english-man, an Irish-man and a Moari-man. They were all standing on a cliff, when you ran and jumped off it, you say something and thats what you land in. The English-man runs, jumps and says Jewelery! And lands in jewerely, then the Irish-man runs,jumps an d says gold! and sure enough lands in gold, then lastly the Moari-man wants a good ol run up, as he does he stubbs his toe and says “SHIT!” and Hey Hoe What do ya know he lands in a big fat juicy turd!
Written By Liam Northcott, New Zealand age 11
Yaa!”
Knock knock
whos there?
yaa
yaa who!
ride em cowboy!!!!