Author: admin

Los locos del manicomio quer�an jugar f�tbol y formaron dos equipos. Como no ten�an pelota, decidieron jugar con un bal�n imaginario. Y aquello era de goles por ac�, goles por all�, de chilena, de cabecita, era impresionante. En lo m�s interesante del partido, un orate se acerca y pregunta:

“�Puedo jugar?”

Sus compa�eros le respondieron que no porque estaban completos. El chiflado enojado se agacha, hace como que toma algo y les advierte:

“Entonces me llevo el bal�n”.

Dos mexicanos fueron contratados para arreglar los jardines de la central de cohetes de la NASA en Houston. A la hora del lunch, �stos acostumbraban tomar un trago o dos de tequila para completar la faena animados. Un d�a, uno de ellos se encontr� un garraf�n con el combustible utilizado en las cosmonaves, y se le ocurri� agregarle al tequila unas gotas para ver que se sent�a. Despu�s del almuerzo, los amigos regresaron al trabajo cada uno por su lado. De pronto, el tel�fono celular (m�vil) de uno de ellos suena:

“Compadre, despu�s de que nos tomamos el tequila, �se ha echado alguna flatulencia?”, le pregunta el otro, que era el que llamaba.

“No, compadre”, responde el del tel�fono.

“�Ni la suelte, compadre, le estoy hablando desde Buenos Aires, Argentina!”, le advierte emocionado el otro.

Q: How do you make a proud black woman pick cotton?

A: Light the string on her tampon on fire.

One day O’Leary decided to visit his friend Paddy and ask him for a favour.

“Paddy my friend”, he said. “I’m going on holiday for a few weeks an I wanted to know if you could come around a couple a times a day to check up on me elderly ma, an feed me cat”.

“No problem”, replied Paddy. “You go an have a good time”.

So the next day O’Leary left and headed for sunny Florida. However, after a week of him being there, he received a phone call from Paddy. “Everything’s ok over here”, Paddy said.
“Except you’re cat. It’s dead”!

“oly ell”, replied O’Leary. “You could have been a bit more sensitive Paddy”!
“What do you mean?”, replied Paddy.

“Well, one day you could have rang me up and told me that my cat has climbed the tree. The next day you could tell me that it has gone even higher up the tree and refuses to come down. On the third day you could tell me that the cat lost its grip and fell from the tree and had to be taken to the vets because of a broken leg. Then on the fourth day you could have told me that it died peacefully in the vet clinic”, explained O’Leary.

So paddy apologised and another week went by, when one day O’Leary got another phone call, it was Paddy again.

“All right O’Leary”, he said. “Everything’s ok here, except your ma –
She’s climbed the tree and refuses to come down”!

‘Why are you in this particular line of work?’ a sociology researcher asked the massage-parlor girl.’I’m trying to pay back this loan shark named Paul something or other,’ she said. ‘So I’m literally rubbing peters to pay Paul.’

El sr. Soto fue a la consulta del doctor a recoger los resultados de los an�lisis de su mujer, y la recepcionista le dice:

“Lo siento much�simo, sr. soto, pero hemos cometido un lamentable error y tenemos un grave problema. Cuando enviamos las muestras de su mujer al laboratorio para proceder a los an�lisis se enviaron junto a las muestras de otra se�ora, con el mismo apellido de la suya, de tal manera que ahora no estamos seguros de cuales son los resultados de su mujer. Estamos desolados.”

“�Pero que quiere usted decirme?”

“�Bien, escuche, una se�ora dio positivo en el test de alzheimer y la otra dio positivo en el test de sida, pero no sabemos cual de ellas es su mujer…”

“�Es terrible! �y que se supone que haga yo ahora?”

“Abandone a su mujer en medio de la ciudad y si ella consigue volver a la casa, entonces… �ni se le ocurra tocarla!”

how do you get a 80 year old to say fuck?
have another 80 year old yell bingo.

On the steps of this church two pan handlers were doing their daily business.
One wore a large cross on his chest and the other – a star of David.
Of course, most of the church goers generously gave to the cross wearer and
the other was overlooked. Finally the Pastor approached the Jew and
suggested that if he take off the star of David maybe he’d get some more
hand outs.

“Get this guy,” laughs the pan handler and turns to his cross wearing pal,
“Trying to teach us how to do business!”