The yoo-hoo you you-hew into the forest is the yoo-hoo you get back.
Author: admin
Dos mexicanos fueron contratados para
Dos mexicanos fueron contratados para arreglar los jardines de la central de cohetes de la NASA en Houston. A la hora del lunch, �stos acostumbraban tomar un trago o dos de tequila para completar la faena animados. Un d�a, uno de ellos se encontr� un garraf�n con el combustible utilizado en las cosmonaves, y se le ocurri� agregarle al tequila unas gotas para ver que se sent�a. Despu�s del almuerzo, los amigos regresaron al trabajo cada uno por su lado. De pronto, el tel�fono celular (m�vil) de uno de ellos suena:
“Compadre, despu�s de que nos tomamos el tequila, �se ha echado alguna flatulencia?”, le pregunta el otro, que era el que llamaba.
“No, compadre”, responde el del tel�fono.
“�Ni la suelte, compadre, le estoy hablando desde Buenos Aires, Argentina!”, le advierte emocionado el otro.
Criminal law
What do you call a person who assists a criminal in breaking the law before the criminal gets arrested? An accomplice. What do you call a person who assists a criminal in breaking the law after the criminal gets arrested? A lawyer.
El sult�n de Brunei decidi�
El sult�n de Brunei decidi� hacer una cumbre mundial de presidentes.
Con la plata que se carga mand� hacer una piscina m�gica que complac�a los deseos. Llegaron los presidentes y jefes de estado y cuando ten�an mucho rato de estar hablando dijo Fox (M�xico): “Voy a nadar a la piscina”, se subi� al trampol�n y cuando iba en el aire dijo: “tequila”, el agua se convirti� en tequila y la pas� muy bien.
Lo mismo hizo Putin, se subi� al trampol�n y dijo “vodka”.
Hirohito dijo “sake”.
Despu�s de mucho rato el presidente Bush decide darse tambi�n un gustazo y camina hacia la piscina, se sube al trampol�n que estaba ya muy mojado y antes de tirarse se resbala y dice: “�Shiiiit!”
Los locos del manicomio quer�an
Los locos del manicomio quer�an jugar f�tbol y formaron dos equipos. Como no ten�an pelota, decidieron jugar con un bal�n imaginario. Y aquello era de goles por ac�, goles por all�, de chilena, de cabecita, era impresionante. En lo m�s interesante del partido, un orate se acerca y pregunta:
“�Puedo jugar?”
Sus compa�eros le respondieron que no porque estaban completos. El chiflado enojado se agacha, hace como que toma algo y les advierte:
“Entonces me llevo el bal�n”.
Q: How many bassists
Q: How many bassists does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: None. The keyboardist does it with his left hand.
What is a brunette b
What is a brunette between two blondes? An interpreter.
You might be a Republican if…
You point to Hootie and the Blowfish as evidence of the end of racism in America.
Don’t Look
Two men are on opposite sides of the Earth.
One is walking a tightrope.
The other is getting a blowjob from a 90 year old woman.
Both get the exact same thought at the exact same time.
What is it?
Answer:
Don’t look doewn!
Sex is like air, it’s
Sex is like air, it’s not important until you aren’t getting any!
Mayonaise
There once was a guy named Jo who was a senior in high school.
One night Jo and his girlfriend Pam went out, they went back to
Jo’s place. Jo shared a room with his younger brother. Jo and
his younger brother Tom Had a bunkbed. Tom was already sleeping
on the bottom bunk so Pam and Jo went up to the top bunk, So Jo
and Pam started fooling around and Pam started screaming. Jo
told her if she wanted to go harder to say Tomato and if she
wanted to stop to say lettuce, so Jo checked if Tom was still
sleeping thankfully he was. So they started:
“Tomato”
“Lettuce”
“Tomato”
“Lettuce”
“Tomato”
“Lettuce”
Jo screamed “ahhhhhhhhh”
Then all of a sudden Jo’s little brother said: “stop making
sandwiches your getting mayonaise all of over me!”
Toilet paper
Fresh from her shower, a woman stands in front of the mirror, complaining to her husband that her breasts are too small.
Instead of characteristically telling her it’s not so, the husband uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion. “If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds.”
Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper, and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts.
“How long will this take?”, she asks.
“They’ll grow larger over a period of years”, he replies.
The wife stops. “Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts grow over the years?”
“Worked for your ass, didn’t it?”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo