Q: What did Boris Yelstin say when asked if meeting Clinton made want to convert Russia to the type of government they have in America?A: “Never! I’m not going to let my wife run the country!!”
Author: admin
Being faithful?
Sam and Becky are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. Sam says to Becky, “Becky, I was wondering – have you ever cheated on me?”Becky replies, “Oh Sam, why would you ask such a question now? You don’t want to ask that question…””Yes, Becky, I really want to know. Please…””Well, all right. Yes, 3 times…””Three? Well, when were they?” he asked. “Well, Sam, remember when you were 35 years old and you really wanted to start the business on your own and no bank would give you a loan? Remember, then one day the bank president himself came over the house and signed the loan papers, no questions asked?””Oh, Becky, you did that for me! I respect you even more than ever, to do such a thing for me. So, when was number 2?””Well, Sam, remember when you had that last heart attack and you were needing that very tricky operation, and no surgeon would touch you? Then remember how our old doctor came all the way up here, to do the surgery himself, and then you were in good shape again?””I can’t believe it! Becky, you should do such a thing for me, to save my life. I couldn’t have a more wonderful wife. To do such a thing, you must really love me darling. I couldn’t be more moved. So, all right then, when was number 3?””Well, Sam, remember a few years ago, when you really wanted to be president of the golf club and you were 17 votes short..?”
Dog in the park
A lady and her dog were enjoying a stroll in the park when her dog was mounted from behind by a large Rottweiler. The Rot was really humping away and the lady was frantically trying to break them up, to no avail.A small boy walked up and stuck his finger in the Rots ass, and the action immediately stopped.The lady was amazed. “How did you do that?” she asked.The little boy said, “That’s my dog! He can dish it out, but he can’t take it!”
Better Than Men
Women understand that babies do not come from the stork. When a women is pregnant and craves pickle and mustard sandwich�s, the man groans and wines until they remind him that you are the one having the baby HERE! But when the man craves a six pack, she diligently goes to the store and returns five hours later with a romantic movie. When women see a ”caution” sign, they carefully avoid it, while men assume that it was meant for someone else, and come home with every bone broken. Women characterize the first date, by seeing how you act and eat. Men check to see if you can name at least one football, basketball or baseball star. Women can stand to be wrong, while men make about excuses ”misunderstanding” and some how it is always the women’s fault. When a man attends a concert, he whoops, yells, shrieks and yelps, while gobbling down anything he can get his hands on. While women enjoy the show, dancing and socializing with friends. When women stay in the bathroom for over 45 seconds, men assume that something is wrong, and walk in to examine the situation. Women understand about privacy, and won’t come in the room until 2 hours have passed. When in a hospital, women will share all emotions. While men, being the ”tough” guys that they are, will ”stay calm” until someone finally notices that he has wet the chair he is sitting in. Women love to help. Men feel you want commitment when you ask to do the dishes
My Friend, God!
This guy has problems so he goes to a counselor. The counselor askes “What’s wrong?” And the man replies,”God is my friend. Whenever I get up to got to the bathroom he turns the light on, And whenever I go back to bed he turns the light off.” The counselor found this very suspicious so he went to the guy’s wife and tells her what he said. And his wife replied, “That idiot, he won’t stop peeing in the refriderator.
Jo mama
yo mams so fat, couple years back when the astoroid almost hit earth she was hired by nasa to stick her butt up in the air and deflect it!!!
A Man is a Wasp?
How can you tell if a man is a WASP?
He gets out of the shower to pee.
Money on Trees
Q: Why doesn’t money grow on trees?
A: Because the banks control all of the branches.
Manolo ingresa a las tropas
Manolo ingresa a las tropas especiales del ej�rcito. Todas las pruebas de actitud f�sica las pasa con relativa facilidad pues es un hombre muy fuerte; pero en las tropas especiales tambi�n hacen pruebas de intelecto, cuando llega su turno le pregunta el sargento:
“A ver, Manolo, si quedas separado de la unidad y tienes que valerte por ti solo, �qu� es lo primero que har�as?”
“Pues lo primero que har�a, mi sargento, es buscar agua, pues sin comer puedo aguantar un tiempo, pero de sed se puede morir uno muy r�pido. As� que buscar�a un r�o o una laguna para proveerme de agua”.
“�Y la tomas as� o la purificas?”
“Bueno, pues la hiervo primero”.
“Muy bien, Manolo. A ver, �a cu�ntos grados hierve el agua?”
“Pues a 90 grados, sargento”.
“Pues no, Manolo, revisa el manual y ver�s que el agua hierve a 100 grados”.
Apenado, Manolo revisa el manual y dice para si:
“�Qu� bruto soy, el sargento tiene raz�n, lo que hierve a 90 grados es el �ngulo recto!”
AT&T announced last
AT&T announced last week it will lay off up to 8,000 employees. Ever conscious of its image, the company is promoting the layoffs as a new feature called job forwarding.
You might be a college student if . . .
21. If your social life consists of a date with the library
Mens laundry
How do men sort out their laundry? Filthy, and filthy but wearable.