Author: admin

Taste Test

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… a Food cooking show with a one female cannodate ready to taste the goods…

The first guy takes 20 minutes to prepare and 30 minutes to cook
The second guy takes 15 minutes to prepare and 35 minutes to cook…
The third guy takes 1 minute to prepare and doesnt bother cooking…

Now for the taste test

the first guy comes out and opens the dish, there are many potatoes filled with cheese… “Yummy”
the second guy comes out with a chicken brest and soup “Delicious!!!”
the third guy comes out with a piece of brocolli “Thats it?” … the guy replies… “Yeah but it tingles on the way down”

Lady Diana and Dolly Parton Go to Heaven

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Lady Diana and Dolly Parton die on the same day, and they both go before St. Peter to find out if they’ll be admitted to heaven. Unfortunately, there’s only one space left that day, so St. Peter must decide which of them gets in.

St. Peter asks Dolly if there’s some particular reason why she should go to heaven, so she takes off her top and says, “Look at these. They’re the most perfect ones God ever created, and I’m sure it will please him to be able to see them every day for eternity.”

St. Peter thanks Dolly, and asks Diana the same question. Diana drops her skirt and panties, takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, shakes it up, and douches with it.

St. Peter says, “OK, Diana, you may go in”.

Dolly is outraged. She screams, “What was that all about? I show you two of God’s own creations, she performs a disgusting, pornographic act, and she gets in and I don’t?!!!

“Sorry Dolly” says St. Peter, “but a royal flush beats a pair any day.”

Charlie left town.

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In a mental institution a nurse walks into a room and sees a patient acting like he’s driving a car. The nurse asks him, “Charlie, what are you doing?”

Charlie replied, “Driving to Chicago!” The nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room.

The next day the nurse enters Charlie’s room just as he stops driving his imaginary car and asks, “Well Charlie, how are you doing?”

Charlie says, “I just got into Chicago”.

“Great,” replied the nurse. The nurse leaves Charlie’s room and goes across the hall into Bob’s room, and finds Bob sitting on his bed furiously masturbating. Shocked, she asks,

“Bob, what are you doing?!”

Bob says, “I’m screwing Charlie’s wife while he’s in Chicago!”

George & Oprah

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George Burns was on the Oprah Winfrey Show, and bragged, that despite his 97 years, he could still have sex three times a night.

After the show, Oprah said, “George, if I’m not being too forward, I’d love to have sex with an older man. Let’s go back to my place.

So they go back to her place and have great sex. Afterwards, George says, “If you think that was good, let me sleep for a half hour, and we can have even better sex.

But while I’m sleeping, hold my testicles in your left hand, and my penis in your right hand.”

She says okay. He sleeps for half an hour, awakens, and they have even better sex.

George says, “Oprah, that was wonderful. But if you let me sleep for an hour, we can have the best sex yet.

But again, hold my testicles in your left hand, and my penis in your right hand.”

Oprah says,”Great, George, but tell me, does my holding your organs stimulate you while you’re sleeping?”

George replies, “No, but the last time I slept with a black woman, she stole my wallet.”

Manslaughter defense

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MIDDLETOWN, Connecticut (AP) — A woman charged with causing a fatal car crash in 1999 says that she couldn’t have been behind the wheel because she was performing a sex act on the driver at the time.

Heather Specyalski, 33, was charged with second-degree manslaughter in the crash that killed businessman Neil Esposito. Prosecutors alleged that she was driving Esposito’s Mercedes-Benz convertible when it veered off the road and hit several trees.

But Specyalski claims that Esposito was driving, she was performing oral sex on him at the time, said her attorney, Jeremiah Donovan. He noted that Esposito’s pants were down when he was thrown from the car.

Superior Court Judge Robert L. Holzberg ruled Tuesday that Specyalski can proceed with the defense, despite objections by the prosecutor.

“A defendant has a right to offer a defense no matter how outlandish, silly or unbelievable one might think it will be,” Holzberg said. He added: “No one ever told me in law school that we’d be having these kinds of conversations in open court.”

Assistant State’s Attorney Maureen Platt said the defense is flawed.

“His pants could have been down because he was mooning a car he was drag racing,” Platt said. “His pants could have been down because he was urinating out of a window. His pants could have been down because he wasn’t feeling well.”

Also Tuesday, Holzberg denied Donovan’s motion to use gender as grounds to eliminate jurors. Donovan had argued that women would be biased and more likely to convict.

Submitted by yisman
Edited by Curtis

Puzzled Doctors

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In a hospital’s Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 a.m., regardless of their medical condition.

This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had something to do with the supernatural.

No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11:00 a.m. on Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents.

The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 a.m., all of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about.

Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits.

Just when the clock struck 11:00, Pookie Johnson, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so he could use the vacuum cleaner.

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo

Una monja se sube a

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Una monja se sube a una micro totalmente llena. No hab�a ni un asiento. Al fondo de la micro hab�a un hippie al cual la monja le pide el asiento dici�ndole:

“Hijo �me podr�as dar el asiento, yo que soy representante de dios?”

La monja insiste tanto rato hasta que el hippie le da el asiento. El hippie tuvo que irse parado en la micro todo el rato hasta que llega a su paradero. Cuando sale por la puerta el chofer le dice:

“Te cag� la vieja…”

“S� pues… vieja de mierda.”

El chofer le dice, “Esta monja va todos los d�as al cementerio a rezar a las 12:00 de la noche y como t� eres hippie y tienes el pelo largo y barba, te disfrazas de jesus y la asustas.”

“Bueno, dice el hippie.”

A las 12:00 llega el hippie peinadito y v� a la monja rezando y aparece entre los arboles y dice:

“�Hola monja. Te tengo una misi�n!”

La monja asustada por ver a Jes�s le dice:

“�En que puedo servirle mi amo?”

“Te voy a culiar toda la noche…”

“�Jes�s?… Bueno ya… Nada m�s que sea por atr�s porque soy virgen…”

El hippie dice que est� bien y le empieza a dar como 2 horas. Ta…ta…ta…

Al final el hippie se desordena el pelo y le dice:

“Monja de mierda, te cagu�….ja ja ja….soy el hippie de la micro….ja ja ja.”

Y la monja dice:

“Ja ja ja !Y YO SOY EL CHOFER DE LA MICRO!”