Why do we have a pair of pants, and a pair of underware but not a pair of bras?
Why do all women put on mascara with their eyes open?
Author: admin
Creativity is the art of
Creativity is the art of concealing your sources.
Lorena Bobit
The day of the incident with Lorena Bobit if you recall when she
cut the penis of her husband. Well that same day when she cut it
off she held the penis on her left hand for most of the day.
Being so histerical she did not know she had it in her hand.
When she drives of away from the scene she is driving normally
with her right hand, still not noticing the penis on her left
hand. As she is driving she gets on the freeway. She gets kinda
hot and she decides to roll the window down. When all of a
sudden she notices the penis she screams as loud as she can and
rolls the window down as quickly as she can. While doing this
she throws the penis out the window as far as she can. On the
oncoming traffic there is a big semi truck going really fast and
the penis smears against the windshield. The truckers passanger
surprised asks the driver “Hey did you see the size of the dick
on that fly?”
Maxine’s Top Ten New Years Resolutions…
Maxine’s Top Ten New Years Resolutions
Skip exercise every day instead of just three times a week.
Call one of my relatives every day. Call one a doofus, call one a bonehead,
call one a jerkwood, call one a…
Go to the park more often to feed the pigeons…to the cat.
Stop eating so much high-fat fast food and eat more high-fat home cooking.
Expand my horizons with travel. In other words, use the upstairs bathroom
more.
Reread all my favorite novels. And this time read the whole book, not just
the steamy underlined parts.
Force myself to stop watching so much trashy TV. Rent trashy movies instead.
Teach Floyd a new trick, and remember to rotate which neighbors yard he does
it in.
Clean the house more often. Once a millennium just isn’t enough.
And my Number One New Years Resolution:
Only moon people who absolutely, one hundred percent deserve it. So that’s
still pretty much everybody.
What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?
What do blondes and beer bottles have in common? Their both empty from the neck up
gomber pyle in theat
one day gomber pyle took his girlfriend to the movies and while they’re waiting for the movie to start he says honey can i put my arms around you and she says sure and he did so a couple minutes later he says dear can i kiss you passiontly and she says why not so they kiss for about 3 minutes straight so about 5 minutes later he says baby can i blow in you ear and she says o.k. so he does then he says baby can i put my finger in your belly button and she says o.k. i guess so around that time the lights go out and the movie starts and all of a sudden she screams and yells and says you bastard that ain’t my belly button and he says surprise surprise that ain’t my finger either.
No two identical parts are
No two identical parts are exactly alike.
Jackson
why does michael jackson act like a 28 year old?
because he gets 20 8 year olds
Microsoft Waiter
Patron: Waiter!
Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I’ll be your Support Waiter. What seems to be the problem?
Patron: There’s a fly in my soup!
Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won’t be there this time.
Patron: No, it’s still there.
Waiter: Maybe it’s the way you’re using the soup; try eating it with a fork instead.
Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.
Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl; what kind of bowl are you using?
Patron: A SOUP bowl!
Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it’s a configuration problem; how was the bowl set up?
Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer; what has that to do with the fly in my soup?!
Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup?
Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!
Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day?
Patron: You have more than one Soup of the Day each day?
Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour.
Patron: Well, what is the Soup of the Day now?
Waiter: The current Soup of the Day is tomato.
Patron: Fine. Bring me the tomato soup, and the check. I’m running late now.
[Waiter leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check]Waiter: Here you are, Sir. The soup and your check.
Patron: This is potato soup.
Waiter: Yes, the tomato soup wasn’t ready yet.
Patron: Well, I’m so hungry now, I’ll eat anything.
[The waiter leaves.]Patron: Waiter! There’s a gnat in my soup!
The check:
Soup of the Day . . . . . . . . . . $5.00
Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day. . $2.50
Access to support . . . . . . . . . $1.00
Puzzled Doctors
In a hospital’s Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 a.m., regardless of their medical condition.
This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had something to do with the supernatural.
No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11:00 a.m. on Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents.
The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 a.m., all of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about.
Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits.
Just when the clock struck 11:00, Pookie Johnson, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so he could use the vacuum cleaner.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
Charlie left town.
In a mental institution a nurse walks into a room and sees a patient acting like he’s driving a car. The nurse asks him, “Charlie, what are you doing?”
Charlie replied, “Driving to Chicago!” The nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room.
The next day the nurse enters Charlie’s room just as he stops driving his imaginary car and asks, “Well Charlie, how are you doing?”
Charlie says, “I just got into Chicago”.
“Great,” replied the nurse. The nurse leaves Charlie’s room and goes across the hall into Bob’s room, and finds Bob sitting on his bed furiously masturbating. Shocked, she asks,
“Bob, what are you doing?!”
Bob says, “I’m screwing Charlie’s wife while he’s in Chicago!”
How to play golf.
A woman is learning how to golf. She has been teaching herself to play for more than three months and she is really bad. She decides to consult a golf pro.
When she sees the golf pro, she explains how bad she is and he tells her to go ahead and hit the ball. She does. The ball goes about 50 yards into the brush slicing to the right. The golf pro says to the woman, “I can see that you have a lot of problems. Your stance is bad, your head is all over the place, and the worst thing is that grip.”
When she asks what can be done to fix the situation, he suggests, “Grab the club gently, as if you were grabbing your husband’s “club”. When the feeling is right, go ahead and swing.” She does just that and the ball goes off the tee perfectly straight for about 275 yards.
The golf pro says to the woman, “That is unbelievable, I didn’t think you would do that well. But now on to your next problem…
How are we going to get that golf club out of your mouth?”