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there was this blond bibbo tryin 2 comit sewiside so…….. she hangs out of a top window wid her hand tied to on a rop a ma n walks past and says “wot in the world r u doin” she replise” tryin 2 comit sewiside” his says “well y dont u tie it round ur nek “she says”well i tred that but i cont breath”
hehehehahahahohoho lol
David Duke virus: Makes your screen go completely white.
A fail-safe circuit will destroy others.
Question: Do you know how to save five drowning lawyers? Answer: No. Reply: Good!
An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a bloodthirsty group of natives. Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself ‘Oh God, I’m screwed!!!!!.’ There is a ray of light from heaven and a voice booms out: ‘No, you are NOT screwed. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you.’ So the explorer picks up the stone and proceeds to bash the living heck out of the chief. As he stands above the lifeless body, breathing heavily and surrounded by 100 natives with a look of shock on their faces, God’s voice booms out again: ‘Okay ….. NOW you’re screwed.’
Una hermosa mujer joven sale de la ducha, se envuelve en una toalla y le avisa a su marido que ya puede utilizar la ducha. Cuando �l entra en la ducha suena el timbre de la puerta. La esposa le dice que ella abre, y baja a abrir la puerta envuelta en la toalla.
Cuando abre la puerta se encuentra a su vecino Bill, quien se queda boquiabierto ante la visi�n que se le ofrece. Entonces, �l saca dos billetes nuevecitos de 100 d�lares y le dice a ella que son suyos si deja caer la toalla hasta la cintura.
Ella piensa, “�por qu� no?”, de modo que deja caer la toalla y coge el dinero. Bill jadea ante lo que ve; saca prontamente otros doscientos d�lares y se los ofrece por dejar caer la toalla completamente. La mujer piensa que ya hab�a llegado bastante lejos, as� que no importaba, y deja caer la toalla al suelo. Bill la contempla un momento, le da las gracias y se va.
Cuando ella sube de nuevo, su marido que acababa de ducharse, le pregunta que qui�n hab�a llamado a la puerta. Ella contesta: “era simplemente Bill”.
“�Y ha tra�do los 400 d�lares que me debe?”, pregunta el marido.
What has 18 feet and catches flies?
A Baseball Team
After God had created the world, he decided to come down and take a look of his creation of human.
He walked by several white men and went on with his business.
All of a sudden he walked by a black man and yelled out…..OOOPS, I BURNT ONE.
(and yes I do love black people, its just a joke)
HEY!
“Oh my god”, said the blonde chick.
“what?”said the other chick.
“I think he said something”said the blonde chick.
“who?”said the other chick.
“Freddie,”said the blonde.
“I know”said the other chick.
“Not him”.said the blonde.
“I think it was the fish”said the blonde.
I raid about it in a fiction book”,said the blonde.
“I read that fish can talk in a great book by Dr. Suess.
“Your retarded”said the other chick.
“Fiction means its true”.no it doesn’t
Who am I??
-I am somewhat long and slender.
-But when I go into a mouth I get wet and soft.
-sometimes I go into a strange cave and my master makes me hop
up and down for a little while til I get all squishy.
-When I’m done I get all hard and lumpy.
I am a piece of bubble gum
A Border Patrol agent is on duty. He spots two Mexicans and runs them down. They show him their papers (he thinks they are phony).
He tells them, “O.K. I have a test for you. I want you to use the words liver and cheese in a sentence.”
So, the first guy says, “I made a liver and cheese sandwich for lunch.”
The agent says, “That was good, you can go. What about you?” he asks the second guy.
He says, “Liver alone cheese mine.”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by calamjo
The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze class
was in full swing.
The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with
informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the
plan.
The teacher then announced, “Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking
is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn’t hurt you to take the time
to go walking with your partner!”
The room really got quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised
his hand. “Yes?” replied the teacher.
“Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?”
2 children were sitting in sunday school and listening to the teacher the girl fell asleep and the boy un-bent a paperclip the teacher asked “Who created the Earth?” then the little boy poked the sleeping girl with the paper clip and the girl shouted “OH MY GOD!!!” and fell back asleep. and the teacher said “That is correct!” Then a little while later the teacher asked “Who died for all our sins?” and the little boy poked the sleeping girl again and she screamed “JESUS CHRIST!!!” then she fell back asleep and the teacher said “Thats correct” then a little while later the teacher asked “After Adam and Eve had their 23rd child what did Eve say to Adam?” then the boy poked the sleeping girl and she shouted “If you poke that in me one more time im going to brake it in half!!!” and the teacher said “Thats correct!!!”