Yours Fun Portal !
A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day
of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a
smile, gave him a broom and said, “Your first job will be to
sweep out the store.”
“But I’m a college graduate,” the young man replied
indignantly.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know that,” said the manager. “Here,
give me the broom – I’ll show you how.”
Llegan dos cazadores gringos a Colombia. Uno se va a la costa Atl�ntica y el otro se va para el Amazonas.
Luego de dos meses se encuentran en Bogot� y comienzan a contarse lo que hab�an cazado.
Empieza el de Amazonas:
“Yo cazar micos, caimanes y delfines rosados”.
Luego habla el que fue a la costa Atl�ntica:
“Yo cazar flamencos, caimanes y aminocuadros”.
“�Qu� son aminocuadros?”, pregunta el primero.
“Son animales que se suben a las palmeras y que cuando est�n arriba y les apuntan con un arma dicen: a m� no cuadro”.
A drunk man, who smelled like beer, sat down on a subway seat next to a priest.
The man’s tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.
After a few minutes, the man turned to the priest and asked, “Say, Father, what causes arthritis?”
“My Son”, the priest replied, “It’s caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, a contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes, and the lack of a bath.”
“Well, I’ll be darned,” the drunk muttered, as he returned to reading his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. “I’m very sorry. I didn’t mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?”
To which the man replies, “I don’t have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does”.
How many sailors does it take to remove a light bulb?
Two or more.
One sober sailor to hold the bulb and the rest drink until the room spins.
Una pareja de amantes est� retozando en la cama cuando oyen entrar al marido. Saltan de la cama y ella le calma:
“No te preocupes, te voy a cubrir de talco y te est�s completamente quieto para pasar por una estatua”.
R�pidamente lo cubre, quedando �l todo de blanco. Al momento, entra el marido en la habitaci�n.
“�Qu� tal, cari�o?”
“Pues, muy bien, mi amor”.
“�Y esta estatua?”
“Pues nada, vi el otro d�a una igual en casa de los P�rez, me gust� y la he comprado esta ma�ana”.
Sin m�s comentarios se acuestan los dos.
A las tres de la madrugada, el marido se levanta, se va a la cocina, coge un vaso de leche y unas galletas y regresa a la habitaci�n. Se acerca a la estatua y le dice al o�do:
“Toma, machote, que yo me pas� as� tres d�as en la casa de los P�rez y no me ofrecieron ni un vaso de agua”.
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Sherwood!
Sherwood who!
Sherwood like to come in!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Shirley!
Shirley who?
Shirley you must know me by now!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Sicily!
Sicily who?
Sicily question!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Sid!
Sid who!
Sid down and have a cup of tea!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Simon!
Simon who?
Simon the dotted line!
Two guys are talking in a bar..”My hobbies are huntin’ and drinkin’.” said Art.”What do you hunt?” asked John.”Somethin to drink,”
A fireman comes home from work and is all excited. He just can�t wait to tell his wife the good news about a new system that they have down at the station.
“Honey!” he says, “you�re not going to believe this! Down at the station we have this new system and it�s so great.
When Bell #1 goes off we put on all our gear.
When Bell #2 goes off we slide down the pole and jump in the fire truck.
When Bell #3 goes off we speed to the fire in the fire truck.” He excitedly tells his wife.
Triumphantly he says, We�re going to do the same thing for our sex life!
When Bell #1 goes off we are going to strip naked.
When Bell #2 goes off we will jump into bed.
When Bell #3 goes off we will screw our brains out.
Let�s give a test run. OK, ready? “Bell #1!” (they strip naked)
“Bell #2!” (they hop into bed)
“Bell #3!” (they start screwing there brains out)
A couple of minutes later the wife starts screaming “Oh, Bell #4! Bell #4!”.
The husband confused says,”Bell #4, What�s that?”
The wife screams “More hose! More hose! Your not reaching the fire!!!”
How to tell when you are spending too much time with your computer:
You start introducing yourself as “lord at pacbell dot net”
Your wife drapes a wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like
You check your mail. It says “no new messages”. So you check it again
Your phone bill is delivered in a box
You name your children Eudora, Mozilla, and Dotcom
All of your friends have an @ in their names
You tell the cab driver you live at http://
123.elm.street/house/bluetrim.html
You tell the kids they can’t use the computer because “Daddy’s got work to do” and you don’t have a job.
You get a tattoo that says “This body best viewed with Netscape
3.01″
You never have to deal with the busy signals because you never log off
You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair in front of your computer with a toilet
You start tilting your head sideways whenever you smile 🙂
Your spouse says communication is important in a marriage, so you buy another computer and install another phone line so that the two of you can chat
As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain road, your first instinct is to search for the “back” button
Your computer goes down, you haven’t logged in for two hours. You start to tremble. You pick up the phone and dial your Internet access number. You try to mimic computer noise in order to connect.
Q: Why do blondes use tampons with extra long strings?
A: So the crabs can go bungee-jumping.
What’s the definition of a male chauvinist pig?
A man who hates every bone in a woman’s body, except his own.
There was a virgin who wanted to marry a farmer boy. One day, she went to his parents’ house for dinner. When they got done eating dinner, they decided to go for a walk through the pasture. While they were walking they came upon the 2 horses that were mating. She looks at them with wonder because she’s never seen anything like this before so she asks the boy, “What are they doing?”
He says “They’re making love.”
“Well, what’s that long thing his sticking in there?” She asks.
“Oh, uh, that’s his rope” he answered.
“Well, what are those two round things on the other end?” she asks.
He says “Those are his knots”
She says, “Oh, Ok I got it.”
As they continue their stroll, they come to a barn and go in. She looks at him and says, “I want you to make love to me the way those animals were.”
Surprised and excited, the boy agrees. While they’re getting at all hot and heavy, she grabs his balls and squeezes.
“Whoa, what are you doing?” he shouts.
The girl innocently replies, “I’m untying the knots so I’ll get more rope.”