10. Picky, picky, picky.
9. They hear what you say, but not what you mean.
8. Beauty is only shell deep.
7. When you ask what’s wrong, they say “nothing”.
6. Can produce incorrect results with alarming speed.
5. Always turning simple statements into big productions.
4. Small talk is important.
3. You do the same thing for years, and suddenly it’s wrong.
2. They make you take the garbage out.
1. Miss a period and they go wild.
Author: admin
The Scientist and the Frog
There once was a scientist who studied frogs. One day, the scientist put the
frog on the ground and told it to jump. The frog jumped four feet.
So the scientist wrote in his notebook, “frog with four feet jumps four feet.”
So the scientist cut off one of one of the frog�s legs. The scientist told the
frog to jump. Frog jumped three feet. So the scientist wrote in his note book,
“frog with three feet jumps three feet.”
So the scientist cut of another leg. He told the frog to jump. The frog jumped
two feet. So the scientist wrote in his notebook “frog with two feet jumps two
feet.”
The scientist cut off one more leg. He told the frog to jump. Frog jumped one
foot. So the scientist wrote in his notebook, “frog with one foot jumps one
foot.”
So the scientist cut off his last leg.
“He said, “Frog jump. Frog jump. FROG JUMP!”
So the scientist wrote in his notebook, “Frog with no feet goes deaf.”
Trabajas en horas extra�as. �Como
Trabajas en horas extra�as. �Como las putas!
Generalmente trabajas hasta tarde. �Como las putas!
Generalmente eres m�s productivo por la noche. �Como las putas!
Te pagan para mantener al cliente feliz. �Como las putas!
El cliente paga mucho m�s pero tu jefe se queda con casi todo el dinero. �Como las putas!
Cobras por hora pero tu tiempo se extiende hasta que termines. �Como las putas!
Si eres bueno, nunca est�s orgulloso de lo que haces. �Como las putas!
Te recompensan por satisfacer las fantas�as de tus clientes. �Como las putas!
Es dif�cil tener y mantener una familia. �Como las putas!
Cuando te preguntan en qu� trabajas no lo puedes explicar. �Como las putas!
Tus amigos se distancian de ti y t� s�lo andas con otros igual que tu. �Como las putas!
El cliente paga tu cuenta del hotel y por horas trabajadas. �Como las putas!
Tu jefe tiene un buen coche. �Como las putas!
Cuando vas a hacer una “asistencia” al cliente est�s �ptimo. �Como las putas!
Pero cuando vuelves pareces haber salido del infierno. �Como las putas!
Eval�an tu “capacidad” con horribles pruebas. �Como las putas!
El cliente siempre quiere pagar menos y encima quiere que hagas maravillas. �Como las putas!
Cada d�a al levantarte dices “NO VOY A HACER ESTO TODA MI VIDA!!!” �Como las putas!
Sin conocer nada de su problema los clientes esperan que les des el consejo que necesitan. �Como las putas!
Si las cosas salen mal es siempre culpa tuya. �Como las putas!
Tienes que brindarle servicios gratis a tu jefe, amigos y familiares. !Como las putas!
Ahora me pregunto… Realmente soy Ingeniero de Sistemas o …?
Balding Problems
Jill got a new job as a stylist at a beauty salon.During her second week on the job, a bald woman walked into the salon and said to Jill, “I’ve tried everything to make my hair grow and nothing works. I’m a rich woman — I’ll give you $25,000 if you can make my hair look just like yours.””No problem,” said Jill, and quickly shaved her head.
Sube un borracho a un
Sube un borracho a un taxi.
Borracho: “�Eh var�n! �Te puedo dejar la pizza y el vino sobre el asiento delantero?”
Taxista: “S�, como no”.
Borracho: “�BRRGGGGGGGGGGG!”
Wave to her.
Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave to her.
You might be a redneck if…
You have a home that is mobile and 14 cars that aren’t.
Going to the bathroom includes shoes and a flashlight.
Everyday people come to your door mistakingly thinking you’re
having a yard sale.
People ask if they can hunt in your front yard.
You’ve ever made change in the offering plate.
Your richest relative buys a new home and you have to help take
the wheels off of it.
A home improvement includes new hubcaps.
All you ever hear around the house is, “Will someone go and
jiggle the handle”.
A Hunting Analogy
An 80-year old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how he was feeling.
“I’ve never been better!” he boasted. “I’ve got an eighteen year old bride who’s pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?”
The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, “Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day, he went out in a bit of a hurry, and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun.” The doctor continued, “So he was in the woods, and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle. And do you know what happened?” the doctor queried.
Dumbfounded, the old man replied, “No.”
The doctor continued, “The bear dropped dead in front of him!”
“That’s impossible!” exclaimed the old man. “Someone else must have shot that bear.”
“That’s kind of what I’m getting at,” replied the doctor.
Yo mamma
yo mamma so fat when she walks by the t.v. she misses three episodes.
The incredibly dumbPolice
The incredibly dumbPolice in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting please to come out and give himself up.
You’re a redneck … you can tell your
You’re a redneck if…. You can tell your age by the number of rings in the
bathtub.
Little Johnny
The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time.
She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came. Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well the teacher couldn’t figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was.
“It’s a period,” reported Johnnie.
“Well I can see that,” she said. “But what is so exciting about a period.”
“Damned if I know,” said Johnnie, “but this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted and the man next door shot himself.”