The last words of a chemist:1. And now the tasting test.2. May that become hot?3. And now a little bit from this…
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Screen
Your mama is so fat that she went to the theater and got a job as the
screen!
Lost My Car
A man walks out of a bar, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand. A cop on the beat sees him, and approaches, “Can I help you, sir?”
“Yesssh! Sssshomebody ssshtole my car!” the man replies.
The cop asks, “Where was your car the last time you saw it?”
“It wasssh at the end of thisssh key!” the man replies, logically, if a bit too literally.
About this time the cop looks down to see that the man’s member is being exhibited for all the world to see. He asks the man, “Sir, are you aware that you are exposing yourself?”
The man looks down woefully and without missing a beat, moans “OHHH GOD . . . they got my girlfriend too!!!”
In The Beginning…
A doctor, an engineer and a lawyer were arguing over whose
profession was the oldest.
The doctor said, “Well, in the beginning, God created Eve out of
Adam and that was a surgical procedure.”
The engineer said, “Yes, but God also created order out of chaos
and that was an engineering move.”
And the lawyer replied, “Yes, but who created chaos?” (from
Rotarian Richard Anderson)
Horse and Chicken
So there was this horse and a chicken that lived on a farm. The horse and the chicken were in fact two very good friends. One day the horse fell into a mud hole that he could not get out of. The chicken saw this and said, “What should I do?”,”What should I do?”. and the horse replies,”Go get the farmers BMW and a rope so that you can pull me out”.
So, the chicken runs and gets the BMW and a rope. He drives it back, ties the rope to the horse and the other end to the car. The chicken puts the car in gear and pulls the horse out. “Wow”, the horse said. “Thanks alot out there”.
So one day the chicken falls into the hole. “Help, Help” he is saying.”Go get the farmers BMW and a rope to pull me out!” The horse said, “No need….I just straddle the hole and you hold onto my dick and pull me out” “OK” said the chicken. So the chicken grabs a hold of his dick and is pulled out.
What is the MORAL of the story?
You don’t need a BMW to pick up chicks, if you are hung like a horse.
Flying condom
Why did the condom fly across the roomIt got pissed off!
Expert Advice
A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, “What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you’re out of the office?””I give it to them,” replied the lawyer, “and then I send them a bill.”The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills. When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.
Friends
yo mamas so fat when she walked by the TV you missed 2 episodes of Friends
Yo mama so stupid she…..
yo mamma is so stupid, she triped ova a portable phone
Physiotherapist and the Golfer
A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed-off and watched in horror as the ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. Indeed, the ball hit one of the men and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.
The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize.
“Please allow me to help, I’m a physiotherapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you’d just allow me!”, she told him earnestly.
“Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I’ll be alright. I’ll be fine in a few minutes”, he replied as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch.
The woman takes it upon herself to begin to “ease his pain”. She began
to massage his groin.
After a few moments she asked, “Does that feel better?”
The man looked up at her and replied, “Yes, that feels pretty good… but my thumb still hurts like hell!”
Un vendedor de seguros toca
Un vendedor de seguros toca a la puerta y abre la due�a de la casa:
“Buenas tardes, se�ora. Vengo a ofrecerle mis servicios como agente de seguros”.
“No, gracias”.
El vendedor insiste:
“�An�mese a comprar uno, por ejemplo, para su esposo! As� estar�a usted m�s tranquila”.
“�Para mi marido? �Ni loca, no me conviene!”
“�No le conviene? �Por qu�?”, cuestiona intrigado.
“Imag�nese, hace un tiempo compr� uno para mi auto; poco despu�s me lo chocaron y se incendi�…”
“�Ah, s�? �Y despu�s qu� sucedi�?”
“�Pues que la compa��a de seguros en vez de darme el dinero, me dio otro auto igual! �Ya ve por qu� no me conviene?”
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