Author: admin

What is a Teenager?

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By Bill Adler

A Teenager is…

A person who can’t remember to walk the dog but never forgets a phone number..

A weight watcher who goes on a diet by giving up candy bars before breakfast..

A youngster who receives his/her allowance on Monday, spends it on Tuesday, and borrows from his/her best friend on Wednesday.

Someone who can hear a song by Madonna played three blocks away but not his mother calling from the next room.

A whiz who can operate the latest computer without a lesson but can’t make a bed.

A student who will spend 12 minutes studying for her history exam and 12 hours for her driver’s license.

A youngster who is well informed about anything he doesn’t have to study.

An enthusiast who has the energy to ride a bike for miles, but is usually too tired to dry the dishes.

A connoisseur of two kinds of fine music: Loud and Very Loud.

A young woman who loves the cat and tolerates her brother.

A person who is always late for dinner but always on time for a Michael Jackson concert.

A romantic who never falls in love more than once a week.

A budding beauty who never smiles until her braces come off.

A boy who can sleep until noon on any Saturday when he suspects the lawn needs mowing.

An original thinker who is positive that her mother was never a teenager.

Dos comadres se encuentran, y

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Dos comadres se encuentran, y una ve que la otra est� toda vendada, y le pregunta:

“�Pero mujer de Dio! �Que te ha pasao?”

“El idiota de Venancio, que se ha comprao una moto.”

“Pero, �qu� ha pasao?”

“Que vamos a 80, luego a 100, a 120, a 140 y que se acaba el camino y el tarao me dice: �C�gete de donde puedas!, y f�jate que si no hubiese sido hombre… �Me mato, comadre, me mato…!

Missing my friends

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There is a blonde a brunette and a redhead all stuck on an island for about 1 year.

Until one day the brunette finds a lamp and rubs it real hard and a genie comes out.

The genie says “Since there are three of you, I will grant you all one separate wish, three total.”

First the brunette says, “I miss my boyfriend, I want to go see him and have wild sex!”

So she goes back to America and pops up in her boyfriend’s room and have wild sex.

Next the red head says, “I miss my family, I want to go back to America!” So she is back in America.

Then the blonde starts crying and crying and crying.
Finally the genie says in a very loud voice, “WHAT IS YOUR WISH?”

Then the blonde says, “I miss my friends bring them back please!”

Submitted by Admin
Edited by Curtis

definitions

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what’s the definition of painfull
a fly going down a razor blade using its balls as breaks

what’s the definition of stupid
lobing a brick through someones window and asking for it back

what’s the definition of stupid 2
pissing through a window and asking how far it went

what’s the definition of thick
a ant sailing down the river thems on a match box asking for
tower briges to be open

what’s the definition of intense
a one armed men hanging of a clif with iticy balls

what’s the definition of suprise
a fart with a lump in it

Sad Cat

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True story – read the story – THEN look at the pictures.

“My sister-in law is from Oklahoma and has a slight accent. She has cats and when she lived in the south she would take them to the groomers and have what is called a Line Cut. To her a line cut is when all of the fur hanging down below the cat’s tummy is taken off (because it gets matted or snarled).

When she moved to Chicago with my brother, one of the cats fur got all tangled up during the move so she took it in for a line cut. She was quite surprised when she heard the price as it was twice as much as it was down south. She confirmed with the groomer that he understood what a line cut was and he said “yes, I know what a LION cut is.” It seems her accent came out sounding like LION not LINE and this is how her cat was returned to her.

[Image]

She cried for a week…but not as much as the cat. It was November in Chicago and the cat needed all the fur it had.”

– Gas in car to go to groomers – $4.50
– Cat car carrier – $32.99
– Grooming fee – $80.00
– Getting the look from one seriously pissed off cat – Priceless!

Satan Vs Jesus

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Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on his computer.

They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of hearing all of the bickering.

Finally God said, “Pipe down now, Satan. I am going to set up a test that will run two hours and I will judge who does the better job.”

So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away. They moused. They did spreadsheets.

They wrote reports. They sent faxes. They sent e-mail. They sent out e-mail with attachments.

They downloaded. They did some genealogy reports. They made cards. They did every known job.

But ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, the rain poured and, of course, the electricity went off.

Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every bad word known in the underworld. Jesus just sighed. The electricity finally flickered back on and each of them restarted their computers.

Satan started searching frantically, screaming “It’s gone! It’s all gone! I lost everything when the power went out!”

Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours.

Satan observed this and became irate.

“Wait! He cheated, how did he do it?”

God shrugged and said, “Jesus saves.”

Un sacerdote sol�a liberar a

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Un sacerdote sol�a liberar a 12 palomas antes de cada misa y al finalizar �sta, las palomas volv�an a su jaula. Un d�a s�lo regresaron 11 palomas y el padre muy contrariado pregunt� a su audiencia:

“Alguien tiene la paloma?”.

Todos los varones en la capilla se levantaron.

El padre aclar�: “Lo que quise decir es si alguien ha visto la paloma?”

Todas las mujeres en la capilla se levantaron.

El padre volvi� a decir: “Lo que yo quiero saber es si alguien ha visto mi paloma?”

Todas las monjas en la capilla se pusieron de pie.

Big Boy- is dumb

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There was a blonde men walking thru town like normle, but only
onething, he was nude!
Someone on the street stopped the blonde man and asked why he
wasn’t whereing anything? the blonde man replied,

“Well… me and my girlfriend never had sex together before.
We were hangin’ in my room, and she took of her shirt outa’ no
where! then she said, ‘Now you take off yours’! So i did.
Then she took off every thing!!! then she said, ‘Now you’! so I
DID (in a hurry!)
Then she started to rub herself ALL OVER! and said, ‘it’s time
for you to go to town, big boy’.
so i did