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The morning after

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A young couple were married and celebrated their first night together, doing what newlyweds do, time and time again, all night long. Morning comes and the groom goes into the bathroom but finds no towel when he emerges from the shower. He asks the bride to please bring one from the bedroom. When she gets to the bathroom door, he opened the door, exposing his body for the first time to his bride. Her eyes went up and down and at about midway, they stopped and stared and she asked shyly, ”What’s that?” pointing to a small part of his anatomy. He, also being shy, thought for a minute and then said, ”Well, that’s what we had so much fun with last night.” And she, in amazement, asked, ”Is that all we have left?”

On Marriage

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Marriage

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, “Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?” The other replied, “Yes I am, I married the wrong man.”

Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he’s finished. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his bachelor’s degree and the woman gets her master’s.

A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” And the father replied, “I don’t know, son, I’m still paying.”

Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in every country, son.

Then there was a man who said, “I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late.”

Married life is frustrating. The first year of marriage, the man speaks And the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, “You know, I was a fool when I married you.” The husband replied, “Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice.”

It doesn’t matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends Up with the same boss.

A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: “Wife wanted”. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.”

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife is.

A woman was telling her friend , “It is I who made my husband a millionaire.” “And what was he before you married him.” Asked the friend. The woman replied, ” A billionaire”.

God says to Adam, “What would you like in a wife?” “Hmmm,” says Adam, “I’d like her to be the most beautiful creature in the world. I’d like her to do whatever I tell her to. I’d like he to work hard, be smart, enjoy being with me.” “Hmmmm”, God says, “I can do it, but it’ll cost you an arm and a leg.” “Oh,” says Adam, “Well what can I get for a rib?”

Practising Law

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Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you
check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the
autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law
somewhere.

If AOL was a city

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1. You’d live in a place where no two people had the same name.

2. You’d only pay $21.95 a month to live there, but half the time you tried to leave your house, the door would be stuck.

3. Once you got outside, even if you were in a hurry, you’d be assaulted by slimy little door-to-door sales creeps offering you great AOL 14.4 modems for only $399.99.

4. The commute to work is just a double-click away, but every time you try to leave your driveway, the flow of traffic knocks you back into your yard.

5. The local post office would tell your mother you’re not a known resident.

6. The local post office won’t forward your mail to you when you move.

7. If you saw a crime and called 911, they’d reply a week later with a form letter saying how you, “Really are important to us.”

8. Every time you went shopping, you’d be kicked out of the store by a bouncer screaming, “We’re sorry, this store is temporarily unavailable.”

9. Whenever you traveled to other cities, people would see your license tag and laugh at you, behind your back.

10. You’d occasionally be sent home during your day by another bouncer telling you that the city has performed an illegal operation.

11. You’d not have any idea who your neighbors are, and most new arrivals would move in at night, stuff everyone’s mailbox with garbage, and vacate before sun-up.

12. The administration would build a huge, state of the art park, and allow the kids to play there free, then suddenly start demanding money.

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci