Author: admin
The Young Punker
A young punker gets on the cross-town bus. He’s got spiked,
multicolored hair that’s green, purple, and orange. His clothes
are a tattered mix of leather rags. His legs are bare and he’s
without shoes. His entire face and body are riddled with pierced
jewelry and his earrings are big, bright feathers. He sits down
in the only vacant seat, directly across from an old man who
just glares at him for the next ten miles.
Finally, the punk gets self conscious and barks at the old man:
“What are you looking at you old fart? Didn’t you ever do
anything wild when you were young?”
Without missing a beat, the old man replies: “Yeah. Back when I
was young and in the Navy, I got really drunk one night and had
sex with a parrot. I thought maybe you were my son.”
Left Handed Penis Fuck
well it goes like this:
a dude walks into a bar and hees like “fuck you”
another dude walks in and he is like “holy shit”
third dude walks in and is like “whoa oh my god”
bar tender is like “you guys are fuckin’ stupid idiots, and this
joke is stupider than shit”.
She wants to be a bear
In my next life….I want to be a bear. If you’re a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that. Before you hibernate, you’re supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that, too.
If you’re a bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you’re sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that. If you’re a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. I could deal with that.
If you’re a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.
Yup….. Gonna be a bear
What did George W. B
Q. What did George W Bush get on his S.A.T.’s?A. Drool.
The Raffle
A woman arrives home from work and her husband notices she’s wearing a diamond
necklace. He asks his wife, “Where did you get that necklace?”
She replies, “I won it in a raffle at work. Go get my bath ready while I start
dinner.”
The next day, the women arrives home from work wearing a diamond bracelet. Her
husband asks, “Where did you get the bracelet?”
She replies, “I won it in a raffle at work. Go get my bath ready while I start
dinner.”
The next day, her husband notices she arrives home from work wearing a mink
coat. He says, “I suppose you won that in a raffle at work?” She replies, “Yeah
I did! How did you guess? Go get my bath ready while I start supper.”
Later after supper, she goes to take her bath and she notices there is only
one inch of water in the tub. She yells to her husband, “HEY! There’s only an
inch of water in the tub.” He replies, “I didn’t want you to get your raffle
ticket wet.”
The Cop and the Speeder
A young guy is speeding across a bridge in his fancy sports car.
Sure enough, a cop with a radar gun is sitting on the other side
of the bridge. The cop pulls him over, then walks up to the
guy’s car and asks, “What’s the hurry?” The guy replies, “I’m
late for work, officer.” “What do you do?” “Well, I’m a rectum
stretcher.” “What? A rectum stretcher?” The guy explains, “Yeah.
I start with a finger, then work my way up to two fingers…
eventually I get a hand in, then both hands, and I slowly
stretch it until it’s about six feet wide.” The curious cop
asks, “What do you do with a six-foot asshole?” The guy answers,
“Well, you give him a radar gun and park him at the end of a
bridge.”
Buy It Just Because
A husband and wife were sitting at the breakfast table and the man was reading the ads in the paper. He looked up and said, “Here is a great sale on tires!”
His wife replied, “What do you want tires for? You don’t have a car.”
He says, “I don’t complain when you go out and buy a new bra, do I?”
Watch en’ Learn
One night a guy is sitting at a bar and keeps glancing at his
watch. A hot blonde girl walks up and sits at the bar. She
says,”Is your watch broken?” he replies,”No, it’s a
state-of-the-art watch that uses brain waves to talk to me
telepathicly. Right now its telling me your not wearing any
panties.” The girl giggled.”Your watch must be broken, because I
am wearing panties right now.”she says.”Shit!”he says,”It must
be an hour fast.”
Closed Bull’s Eyes
What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer.
Law of Backpacking…
- Law of Backpacking
- The weight of your pack increases in direct proportion to the
amount of food you consume from it. If you run out of food, the
pack weight goes on increasing anyway.
Big Game Mishap
A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the Mrs. awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother. The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her. In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight: the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her.The wife said, ”What are we going to do?” ”Nothing,” said the hunter, ”The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it.”