Q: What is the difference between the U.S. and the former USSR?A: The U.S. still has a Communist Party in power.
Author: admin
Cooke’s Law: In any
Cooke’s Law: In any decision situation, the amount of relevant information available is inversely proportional to the importance of the decision.
Alien Message Decoded
Scientists Decode the First Message From an Alien Civilization: Simply send 6 x 10 to the 50 atoms of Hydrogen to the Star System at the top of the list, cross off that star system, then put your Star System at the bottom of the list and send it to 100 other Star Systems. Within one-tenth of a Galactic Rotation you will receive enough hydrogen to power your civilization until entropy reaches its maximum! IT REALLY WORKS!
Math
A little girl is failing math, so her father decides to enroll her in Catholic school with the hopes of improving her grades.
During the first quarter, the girl refuses to play with her friends or even eat dessert after dinner in order to have more time to study.
On report card day, her father is astonished to see she earned an A+ in math.
�Why the sudden change of attitude about math?� her father inquires. �Do the nuns punish you?�
�No,� the girl replies, �but when I saw the little man on the wall nailed to the plus sign, I knew that this school was very serious about math!�
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by calamjo
The Top 14 Signs Your Invention Is a Failure
14> You ask your robot caddy for a sand wedge and it hands you a tuna on rye.
13> The taste tests went well, and “SARS BARS” rhymed and everything…
12> Even Ralph Kramden turned you down for financing.
11> Your “Windshield Vaseline,” while it does make the road look younger, has unfortunate side effects.
10> Your best remaining hope for commercialization: “Miller’s Genuine Cold Fusion Draft.”
9> It’s hard to unfold a chocolate umbrella.
8> Two years later, and there are *still* no Segway-only traffic lanes.
7> “Watson, come here; I’m bleeding!”
6> Public debate regarding gun control aside, there simply is no ready market for your “Salad Stunner.”
5> Despite the celebrity tie-in, your freezers are crammed with unsold “Gary Burghoff Frozen Gourmet Dinners.”
4> Your “Kiwi Karving Kit” continues to be badly outsold at Halloween by those damn pumpkin traditionalists.
3> By law, you must print “Patent Forcibly Declined” on your invention.
2> Your product’s catch phrase is: “Set it, read pages 11 through 26 in the owner’s manual, and forget it!”
1> In hindsight, labeling your item as “Small enough to fit inside a hollowed-out human head!” might not have been the best marketing decision.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
No Lawyers
In Bakersfield, California, developers of the Fairway Oaks community
designed their dream homes to have 5 bedrooms, a Jacuzzi, a backyard large
enough for an in-ground pool, and NO LAWYERS! This made attorney Tim
Liebaert so angry – he’s suing. “I was very mad,” said Liebaert, after
learning that his application for a new Fairway Oaks home had been
rejected because of his profession.
Rotten Little Johnny
Kids: “Hello Miss Saunders, can Johnny come out to play?” Mother: “I am sorry kids but you know Johnny has leprosy,” Kids: “Well, then can we come in and watch him rot?”
Un tipo entra a un
Un tipo entra a un bar y le dice a la cantinera, “�Oye, culo gordo, traeme una cerveza!”
Ella responde, “�C�mo me llamaste?”
“Ya o�ste, dije: culo gordo, traeme una cerveza.”
La cantinera decide que no va a soportar ese tipo de trato y hace que lo echen del bar.
La noche siguiente el tipo entra al mismo bar y le dice a la misma cantinera, “�Oye tetitas, traeme una cerveza!”
Entonces ella le dice que no va a soportar ese trato y que ser� mejor que se comporte o lo echan del bar otra vez.
El tipo dice, “Est� bien, �podr�as por favor servirme una cerveza?”
M�s tranquila, la mujer le sirve la cerveza y le pregunta, “�Realmente piensas que mis senos son peque�os?”
“S�, pero tengo una soluci�n para ti. Todo lo que tienes que hacer es tomar un rollo de papel higi�nico y frotarte con �l entre las tetitas.”
“�Y crees que eso funcione?”
“Te funcion� para tu culo gordo, �no?”
Manolo y Venancio entran a
Manolo y Venancio entran a dormir en un hotel. En la recepci�n les informan que �nicamente disponen de un cuarto con un cama para los dos. En mitad de la noche, Manolo escucha la respiraci�n agitada de Venancio y le pregunta:
“Venancio, �te est�s masturbando?”
“�Pues, claro, hombre!”
“�Joder, entonces j�late la tuya!”
Mice
A.What do mice have for breakfeast
Q.Mice crispys
The Top 14 God Billboards We’d Like to See (Part I)
14> You’ve been coveting again, haven’t you?
13> Sure, *you’re* going straight to hell, but there’s still hope for your kids.
12> Give me your money or I call your dog home.
11> Pray! You! Get onto my cloud!
10> Go back home now! Your wife’s naked and Javier just pulled into the driveway.
9> Criminy, I invented the orgasm! What else do ya want?!?
8> No, I wasn’t on your team’s side, you wife-beating cokehead.
7> Wanna see a miracle? Pull my finger!
6> You realize that your dead grandma watches every time you pleasure yourself, don’t you?
5> Yo, dudes, J.Lo is a false idol.
4> An honor student, eh? Well *my* son rose from the dead, Chester.
3> Can you hear me NOW? Good!
2> That Madonna-kissing-Britney thing? My idea.
1> If I’m your co-pilot, maybe you could go back and help with the meals for the rest of this flight.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
The stupidest joke in the world.
what do u call a bucket thats color is red?
a red bucket.
what do u call a bucket thats color is green?
a red bucket painted green.