Author: admin

One night a father overheard his son saying his prayers “God bless Mommy and Daddy and Grammy. Goodbye Grampa.”

Well, the father thought it was strange, but dismissed it. The next day, the Grandfather died. About a month or so later, the father heard his son saying his prayers again “God bless Mommy. God bless Daddy. Goodbye Grammy.”

The next day the grandmother died. Well, the father was getting more than a little worried about the whole situation. Two weeks later, the father once again overheard his sons prayers. “God Bless Mommy. Good bye Daddy.”

This alone nearly gave the father a heart attack. He didn’t say anything but he got up early to go to work, so that he would miss the traffic. He stayed all through lunch and dinner. Finally, after midnight he went home. He was still alive!

When he got home he apologized to his wife. “I am sorry Honey. I had a very bad day at work today.”

“You think you’ve had a bad day? YOU THINK YOU’VE HAD A BAD DAY!?”, the wife yelled, “The mailman dropped dead on our doorstep this morning!”

48 phrases you wish you could say at work!

1. ahhh…i see the f***-up fairy has visited us again…
2. i don’t know what your problem is, but i’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.
3. how about never? is never good for you?
4. i see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. i’m really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
6. i’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter.
7. i’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message…
8. i don’t work here. i’m a consultant.
9. it sounds like english, but i can’t understand a word you’re saying.
10. i can see your point, but i still think you’re full of s***.
11. i like you. you remind me of when i was young and stupid.
12. you are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. i have plenty of talent and vision. i just don’t give a damn.
14. i’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. i will always cherish the initial misconceptions i had about you.
16. thank you. we’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of
view.
17. the fact that no one unde! rstands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.
18. any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. what am i? flypaper for freaks!?
20. i’m not being rude. you’re just insignificant.
21. it’s a thankless job, but i’ve got a lot of karma to burn off.
22. yes, i am an agent of satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. no, my powers can only be used for good.
24. you sound reasonable… time to up the medication.
25. who me? i just wander from room to room
26. and your crybaby whiny-butt opinion would be…?
27. do i look like a people person?
28. this isn’t an office. it’s hell with fluorescent lighting.
29. i started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
30. you!… off my planet!
31. does your train of thought have a caboose?
32. errors have been made. others will be blamed.
33. a pbs mind in an mtv world.
34. allow me to introduce my selves.
35. whatever kind of look you were going ! for, you missed.
36. well, this day was a total waste of m akeup.
37. not all men are annoying. some are dead.
38. i’m trying to imagine you with a personality.
39. a cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
40. stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven’t fallen
asleep yet.
41. can i trade this job for what’s behind door 1?
42. too many freaks, not enough circuses.
43. nice perfume. must you marinate in it?
44. chaos, panic, & disorder – my work here is done.
45. how do i set a laser printer to stun?
46. i thought i wanted a career, turns out i just wanted the paychecks.
47. if i throw a stick, will you leave?
48. sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

Pepito estaba en su clase cuando la maestra dice: “como estamos en temporada de las madres, para la siguiente clase, de tarea, los que tengan su madre viva traigan una rosa roja y los que tengan su madre muerta traigan una rosa blanca.”

Al siguiente d�a llega Pepito con una rosa roja en las manos y una blanca en los pies.

La maestra le pregunta: “Pepito, �por qu� traes una rosa roja en las manos y una blanca en los pies?”

A lo que Pepito le contesta:

“Mire maestra, como tengo mi madre viva traigo una flor roja en las manos, pero traigo tambi�n una rosa blanca en los pies porque tengo un callo que no tiene madre!”

“Sister Ann, aren’t you putting on a little weight?” inquired Father Dan during his visit to the convent, suspiciously eyeing her bulging belly.

“Why, no Father,” answered the nun demurely, “It’s just a little gas.”

A few months later Father Dan put the same question to the nun noticing her habit barely fit across her belly.

“Oh, just a bit of gas,” said Sister Ann, blushing a bit.

On his next visit Father Dan was walking down the corridor when he passed Sister Ann wheeling a baby carriage.

Looking in, the priest observed, “Cute little Fart!”