Yours Fun Portal !
The soldier serving overseas and far from home was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote breaking off their engagement and asking for her photograph back.
A creative fellow, he went out and collected from his buddies all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together and sent them to her with a note stating the following:
“Dear Mary,
I can not remember which one is you … please keep YOUR photo and return the others!”
A man stops off at a bar after work to have a couple of drinks. He starts talking to this woman, and even though the guy is married, he thinks she is so fine that he agrees to go back to her place.
When he gets to her place, he finds out that she is a prostitute and that she wants $75.
“Forget it,” the man says, “you never told me you were a prostitute.” “But I do have $10 on me, will you take that?”
“You won’t get any decent prostitute for that,” the hooker says. She throws the guy out.
Later that night, the man and his wife go out to dinner. While they are eating, the same prostitute who happens to also be eating there recognizes the guy.
She comes up to him and says, “See, I told you.” “Look at the kind of trash you’ll pick up for $10.”
A sweet young thing took her seat on opening day of her college class.
The young man behind her tapped her on the shoulder and said, “What are you doing wearing a football jersey?”
She replied, “Why, I bought it and own it, why shouldn’t I wear it?”
He said, “You’re not supposed to wear it unless you’ve made the team.”
“Oh,” she replied sweetly, “Who did I miss?”
Submitted by Curtis
EDited by Yisman
How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.
SANTA AND BANTA SINGH WERE BITTER ENEMIES.SANTA LIVED ON THE 1ST AND BANTA ON THE 7TH FLOOR OF THE SAME BUILDING.ONE DAY THE LIFT WAS OUT OF ORDER AND BANTA SINGH DECIDED TO PLAY A TRICK ON SANTA SINGH AND CALLED HIM FOR DINNER TO HIS HOUSE AT 7:30PM. SO SANTA HUFFING AND PUFFING MANAGES TO REACH THE 7TH FLOOR .TO HISDISMAY HE FINDS A BIG LOCK ON THE DOOR AND THE MESSAGE” HA HA BEWAQOOF BANADIA !” SANTA IS ANGRY BUT THINKS A LOT AND FINALLY WRITES HIE REPLY BELOW BANTAS MESSAGE—“MAIN TO YAHAN AAYA HI NAHIN THA “.
“Pepito, que tal, �Qu� fue de tu viejo?”
“Mi padre muri� en un accidente…”
“�Pero qu� l�stima…! No sab�a nada.”
“S�, fue tremendo… pero s� que sus �ltimas palabras me las dijo a m�.”
“Ah, �s�?.. �y cu�les fueron?”
“�No muevas la escaleraaaaaa!”
Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.
In the woods a saw a rabbit with a candle
making shadows of people on a tree.
– Steven Wright
One day a cop was f****** his girlfriend in a car, bush was jogging there and
sow the cop f******…bush ask. hay…what r u dooing.cop said i m f****** my
girl friend.ok i m next replied bush….
the cop jumped and said oh great i never f***** a president before.
The ship was going down. The captain and the crew were trying – in the middle of a terrible mid-Atlantic winter storm – to get the lifeboat out. “We can hope for nothing but Divine intervention,” cried the captain. “Does anyone know how to pray?”
No answer. After a few seconds of silence, the cabin boy timidly spoke up. “Maybe I can help. I used to live next to a church.”
The captain ordered everyone to their knees.
The boy began. “Under the B, two. Under the I, 16.”
What do you call a black priest?
Holy Shit.
Q: What happens when a paranoid has low self-esteem?
A: He thinks that nobody important is out to get him.