It was so hot, I was sweating more than R. Kelly at the Teen Choice
awards!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Author: admin
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender…
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says “Why the long face?”
Yo mama so por…
Yo mama so poor that when I walked in her front door, I fell out the back door.
Estaba una pareja de viejitos
Estaba una pareja de viejitos sentada en un bus, llevaban varias horas de viaje, y el vejito de dice a su esposa:
“Mija, se me durmi� la cola.”
Y ella responde:
“S�, hace un rato la escuch� roncar.”
Buf
Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Buf.
Buf Who?
Buf huckmee.
Morning Poem
I woke early one morning, the earth lay cool and still
When suddenly a tiny bird perched on my window sill.
He sang a song so lovely, so carefree and so gay,
That slowly all my troubles began to slip away.
He sang of far off places, of laughter and of fun,
It seemed his very trilling brought up the morning sun.
I stirred beneath the covers, crept slowly out of bed,
Then gently shut the window and crushed his fucking head.
I’m not a morning person.
Deeds vs. Words
There was a long line of souls before the gate of Heaven and Hell. Waiting on
line beside each other were two residents of New York City, a taxi driver and a
priest and they started chatting to kill the time. Finally, it was the taxi
driver’s turn to be judged; after talking with God for a few minutes, he was
allowed to enter heaven. The priest came after him and had his few minutes with
God. He, however, was sent to hell.
Needless to say, the priest was pretty surprised by this turn of events and
asked God why he, who had constantly talked to people about God, had been sent
to hell and a taxi driver was going to heaven. God replied, �We judge whether
one goer to heaven not by the words he has said but the deeds he has done on the
earth. While you talked about God, people slept, but they all remembered me when
he drove.”
Yo Mama
Yo Mama is so old, that when she farts, dust comes out!!
Cindy Crawford Isle
A guy was stranded on a desert island with Cindy Crawford. He played it cool, and he didn’t make any moves towards her for several weeks. Finally, one day he asked her if maybe they could start up a physical relationship, so as to attend to each other’s needs. Cindy said she was game and a very vigorous sexual relationship began. Everything was great for about 4 months. One day, the guy went to Cindy and said, ‘I’m having this problem. It’s kind of a guy thing, but I need to ask you a favor.’ Cindy said, ‘Okay.’ The guy said, ‘Can I borrow your eyebrow pencil?’ Cindy looked at him a little funny, but said, ‘Sure, you can borrow my eyebrow pencil.’ The guy then said, ‘Do you mind if I use the eyebrow pencil to draw a moustache on you?’ Cindy is getting a little worried, but says, ‘Okay.’ Then the guy said, ‘Can you wear some of my guy clothing, I need for you to look more like a man.’ Cindy is getting a little disappointed at this point, but says, ‘Well I guess so.’ Then the guy says to Cindy, ‘Do you mind if I call you Fred?’ Cindy, very dejected, says, ‘I guess not.’ So, the guy reaches out and grabs Cindy by the arms and says, ‘Fred, you won’t believe who I’ve been sleeping with these past four months!’
Memory Test
Three elderly men are at the doctor’s office for a memory test.
The doctor asks the first man, “What is three times three?”
“274,” is his reply.
The doctor rolls his eyes and looks up at the ceiling, and says to the second man, “It’s your turn, what is three times three?”
“Tuesday,” replies the second man.
The doctor shakes his head sadly, then asks the third man, “Okay, your turn, what’s three times three?”
“Nine,” says the third man.
“That’s great!” says the doctor. “How did you get that?”
“Simple,” he says, “just subtract 274 from Tuesday.”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by BreeBrown
Monkey Smells
A man was walking down the street with a baby ape in his arms when a friend stopped him and asked what he was doing with the chimp.”I just bought this ape as a pet. We have no children; so he’s going to live with us just like one of the family.He’ll eat at the same table with us. He’ll even sleep in the same bed with me and my wife.””But what about the smell?” the friend asked.”Oh, he’ll just have to get used to it, the same way I did.”
The captain and the camel
A Captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out back of the enlisted mens barracks. He asked the Sergeant leading the tour, “What’s the camel for?”.
The Sergeant replied “Well sir it’s a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do, uh, we have the camel.”
The captain said “Well if it’s good for moral, then I guess it’s all right with me.”
After he had been at the fort for about 6 months the captain could not stand it any more so he told his Sergeant, “BRING IN THE CAMEL!!!”
The sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the captains quarters. The captain got a foot stool & proceeded to have vigorous sex with the camel. As he stepped, satisfied, down from the stool, and was buttoning his pants he asked the Sergeant, “Is that how the enlisted men do it?”
The Sergeant replied, “Well sir, they usually just use it to ride into town.”