Q. Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?
A. No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region.
Yours Fun Portal !
Q. Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?
A. No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region.
How careers end… Holy people are disgraced. Pastry chefs are deserted. Perfume makers are dissented. Butterfly collectors are debugged.
If anything is used to its full potential, it will break.
Why do they report power outages on TV?
A man was out of town on business. While sitting around his hotel he became
bored. So he thought to himself, “Hmm, a beer would be really nice right now.”
So he began to wander the streets of the unfamiliar city, looking for a bar.
And, after a few minutes he came across one. He casually went inside and took a
seat at the bar.
The bartender walks up and asks the man what he is drinking. Anxiously, the
man says, “Bud Light please.”
The bartender then asked what the name of his penis was. The man looked at him
with confusion and said, “What are you talking about? All I want is a Bud Light
and, besides, I have no name for my penis.”
The bartender, calming the man, said, “Look around, all you see is men. That
is because this is a gay bar. And the tradition is, when you order a drink, you
state the name of your penis. Then I’ll serve you a drink.”
The Vatican has unveiled a email address for the new Pope.
In related news, the Pope has received a confidential financial offer from the President of Nigeria.
Religion is man’s attempt to communicate with the weather.
Yo momma so craxy, she went to
check the mail and got lost!
Teaching Math in 1950:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His
cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his
profit?
Teaching Math in 1960:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His
cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What
is his profit?
Teaching Math in 1970:
A logger exchanges a set “L” of lumber for a set “M”
of money. The cardinality of set “M” is 100. Each
element is worth one dollar. Make 100 dots
representing the elements of the set “M”. The set
“C”, the cost of production contains 20 fewer points
than set “M”. Represent the set “C” as a subset of set
“M” and answer the following question: What is the
cardinality of the set “P” of profits?
Teaching Math in 1980:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His
cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your
assignment: Underline the number 20.
Teaching Math in 1990:
By cutting down beautiful forest trees, the logger
makes $20. What do you think of this way of making a
living? Topic for class participation after answering
the question? How did the forest birds and squirrels
feel as the logger cut down the trees? There are no
wrong answers.
Teaching Math in 1996:
By laying off 402 of its loggers, a company improves
its stock price from $80 to $100. How much capital
gain per share does the CEO make by exercising his
stock options at $80. Assume capital gains are no
longer taxed, because this encourages investment.
Teaching Math in 1997:
A company outsources all of its loggers. They save on
benefits and when demand for their product is down the
logging work force can easily be cut back. The average
logger employed by the company earned $50,000, had 3
weeks vacation, received a nice retirement plan and
medical insurance. The contracted logger charges $50
an hour. Was outsourcing a good move?
Teaching Math in 1998:
A logging company exports its wood-finishing jobs to
its Indonesian subsidiary and lays off the
corresponding half of its US workers (the higher-paid
half). It clear-cuts 95% of the forest, leaving the
rest for the spotted owl, and lays off all its
remaining US workers. It tells the workers that the
spotted owl is responsible for the absence of fellable
trees and lobbies Congress for exemption from the
Endangered Species Act. Congress instead exempts the
company from all federal regulation. What is the
return on investment of the lobbying costs?
A hooker was explaining her lifestyle to a girlfriend.
“I put on stocking on one leg. One stocking on the other leg, and between the two I make a living.”
En plena clase, Pepito pregunta a la profesora:
“Maestra, �usted sabe qu� es una cosa verde, con ocho patas, de tres pulgadas de largo y de aspecto asqueroso?”
“No s�, Pepito, �qu� es?”
“Yo tampoco s�, maestra, pero esta cosa acaba de entrar debajo de su falda”.
Un predicador daba un serm�n a una multitud de hispanos en E.U.A. que no hablaban ingl�s, a trav�s de un int�rprete mexicano.
El orador comienza la pr�dica:
“God, and only God will save us”.
El mexicano traduce:
“�l dice que Dios, y s�lo Dios nos salvar�”.
“All of those who believe in God will be saved”
“�l dice que todos aquellos que creen en Dios se salvar�n”.
Una persona no muy conforme con la homil�a, lanza un tremendo naranjazo directo a la cabeza del traductor. El sermoneador yanqui se le acerca y dice a �ste: “God forgives the one who did it”
“�l dice que: �Chingue a su madre el que avent� la pinche naranja!”