A farmer’s wife was at her lawyer’s getting advice about a divorce. “He makes excessive sexual demands on me, Mr. Jones.” “How do you mean?” “Well, Mr. Jones,” says the farmer’s wife, “this morning I was looking at the chickens, when he crept up behind me and had me from behind!” “Chickens? Mrs. Smith, I didn’t know you kept chickens.” “We don’t, Mr. Jones, we were at the Safeway supermarket!”
Author: admin
The grass is always greener
The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence,
but when you get over there you find out it has to be mowed.
Gas at Grand Canyon
Yo mama is so Gasey she went to the Grand Canyon and farted, and now it’s
not so Grand any more.
OLD MOTHER HUBERD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
old mother huberd went to the cupboard to fetch her poor dog a bone when she bent over rover tuck over and gave her a bone of her own
Sick Family
“Doc, I think my son has VD,” a patient told his urologist on the phone. “The only woman he’s screwed is our maid.”
“Okay, don’t be hard on him. He’s just a kid,” the medic soothed. “Get him in here right away and I’ll take care of him.”
“But I’ve been screwing the maid too, and I’ve got the same symptoms he has.”
“Then you come in with him and I’ll fix you both up,” replied the doctor.
“Well,” the man admitted, “I think my wife has it too.”
“Oh crap!” the physician roared. “That means we’ve all got it!”
Weighing Pigs
A man decides he wants to have a pig roast, so he goes out to a pig farm to buy one. He agrees on a per pound price with the farmer and then begins to select a pig.”How about that one?” “OK, replies the farmer.”The farmer then picks up the pig, puts its tail in his mouth, lets it hang from his mouth, and then declares, “This one weighs 74 pounds.” “That’s amazing,” the man says, “are you sure you can tell a pig’s weight by using that method?” “Yep,” replies the farmer, “we’ve used this method in our family for generations.” To prove his accuracy, the farmer puts the pig on a scale and it weighs exactly 74 pounds.”My son can do it too,” boasts the farmer. And sure enough, the farmer’s son comes over, puts another pig’s tail in his mouth, lets it hang, and then says, “This one weighs 83 pounds.” The farmer then confirms his son’s accuracy with the scale. “My wife can do it too,” says the farmer.”Son, go get your mother.” The boy runs off to the house and returns a few minutes later.”Mom can’t come out right now,” says the son, “she’s busy weighing the mailman.”
Dentist Visit
A man goes to his dentist for a regular check-up. After the dentist has had a short look at the man’s mouth he says, “So…been licking your wife recently?”
The poor man looks up in horror and replies, “Uhhh …Yeah …uhhh …why? …Do I have pubes between my teeth?”
Whereupon the dentist replies, “Nope …you’ve got shit in your nostrils!”
The camping trip.
Ron and James had been camping together for a week when they finally had enough of each other, so Ron had an idea for the two to wake up early the next day and hike in opposite directions for the day and meet at the campground for dinner. James agreed.
So around 6 the next evening they meet up. Ron says “I hiked north and came up to a beautiful spring, I swam for a few hours, then stretched out on the shore to dry and I watched a deer drink from the spring… it was so wonderful.”
James said “Wow, you had a good day. I went south and ran into some railroad tracks, I followed them east until I came across a woman tied to the tracks, I untied her and we had sex in every imaginable way all day.”
Ron was so jealous “Your day was so much better than mine… did you get a blow job?”
“Nope” James replied, “I couldn’t find her head!”
Harrisberger’s Fourth Law of the
Harrisberger’s Fourth Law of the Lab: Experience is directly proportional to the amount of equipment ruined.
Women with duck
Women goes into a bar with a duck under her arm. Bartenders says “what’ll the pig have.” The woman says, “that’s not a pig, that’s a duck!”. I know says the bartender, “I was talking to the duck.”
Speech Problem
This story is about a man with a speech problem.
One day a man called Greg went into a bakery “hi, could I
please have a bum”, the baker looked shocked but after a few
seconds he handed over a bun.
A while after Greg went into a hardware store “hi, could I
please hve a fuckit” said Greg “a what” replied the worker “a
fukit” the worker then new what Greg meant and got a buckit.
Greg then went to a pet store and asked for a cockinspankit the
owner instantly falling into shock was about to ask Greg to
leave but then walked up to a dog he said “do you mean a
cokinspanle” “yes” replied Greg.
Later on the way home Greg took the dog for a walk. Greg
accindently let go of the dog and ran up to another man “could
you please hold my bum and fuckit while I go get my
cockinspankit”.
O.J. Simpson
Person 1: Knock Knock?
Person 2: Who’s there?
Person 1: O.J.
Person 2: O.J. who?
Person 1: Great, your on the jury.