Author: admin

Dumb Blonde Test

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Ask the following to a Blonde to see if she is a DUMB BLONDE or a smart blonde…yeah right…

1.Who do want to be most like in life:
A.Vanna White
B.Michelle Fiefer
C.Britney Spears
E.None of the Above

2.In a game of Hide-And-Go Seek, do you:
A.Run when you see the seeker
B.Stay hiding until the seeker finds you
C.Run when the seeker sees you
E.Follow the seeker quietly

3.What happens when you get Alzheimers Disease
A.You loose alot of weight
B.Gain weight
C.Get really smart
D.Loose your memory

4.How do you kill a bird:
A.Hit it
B.Throw it off a building
C.Cook it
D.All of the above

5.What’s an important question about pregnancy
A.Is it mine
B.How far along am I
C.Is it a boy or girl
D.What hospital should I go to for delivery

Don’t read them this part:

Results:
1.
A=5pts.
B=3pts.
C=2pts.
D=1pt.

2.
A=4
B=5
C=2
D=3

3.
A=4
B=3
C=5
D=1

4.
A=3
B=5
C=4
D=1

5.
A=5
B=1
C=3
D=2

TOTAL:
20 =Official Dumb Blonde; 15-19=Pretty Dumb; 10-14=Not Bad; 9-Smart for a Blonde

Un hombre de negocios hace

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Un hombre de negocios hace transbordo de avi�n y tiene la suerte de sentarse al lado de una mujer extremadamente atractiva. Se saludan y el tipo se da cuenta de que ella est� leyendo un libro sobre estad�sticas sexuales. Para iniciar la pl�tica, �l le pregunta sobre el libro y la chica le responde:

“Es un libro muy interesante sobre estad�sticas sexuales. Por ejemplo, aqu� dice que los nativos americanos son los que tienen el pene m�s largo, y que son los polacos los que lo tienen de mayor di�metro. Por cierto, me llamo Diana, �c�mo se llama usted?”

“Nube Blanca Kawalski, encantado de conocerla”, le responde de inmediato el individuo.

Donkey’s Will Kill U

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A guy with a donkey walked up to a psychic and asked about his future.
The psychic said, “when your donkey farts 3 times you will die.”

So the man walked along with his donkey and the donkey farted.

The man said” Oh no donkey you mustn’t fart again”.

So they kept on walking and the donkey farted again.

The man said “I can’t take another chance with this”.

So the man then shoved a cork up the donkey’s buttocks. Then the man felt relieved so they continued walking. The donkey farted yet again, sending the cork flying. The cork hit the man’s head with such speed that he was killed instantly.

Mountain Man

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One day a family was flying over a mountain range when all of a
sudden a the father snapped and threw the two year old baby out
the window. 15 years later, the now 17 year-old baby was
sitting on the hill that he eventually landed on when a squirrel
came up to him and said hi. Shocked, the man said “What did you
say?” The squirrel replied, “I said, hi you shmuck”.
Immediately, the man picked up the squirrel and said, “I don’t
want any talking squirrels by me,” and he kicked the squirrel
off the hill.
About a month later, a bunny came up and said hi. Again
shocked, the man said “What did you say?” The bunny replied, “I
said, hi you dork”. Immediately, the man picked up the bunny and
said, “I don’t want any talking bunnys by me,” and he kicked the
bunny off the hill. About another week later, a mmose came up
and said hi. By this time, the man was frustrated by all these
freakishly mutated animals talking to him, and so he said,
“Listen mmose, I don’t wand any talking mmoses by me! GO
AWAY!!!!!!!” and kicked him off the hill. The next morning, an
incredibly irate mouse knocked on his door and woke him up.
Thinking somebody found him stranded in the mountains, he
quickly jumped out of bed and opened the door to find a mouse.
“What do YOU want?” The mouse then picked him up and said, “we
don’t want any talking humans by us” and he kicked the man off
the hill, and he died. The End

Trainset

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Little Johhny is playing with his train set while his mother is dusting in the other room. As Johnny brings the train to a halt his mother hears him say, “This is the last stop all you assholes and all you bastards who need to exit better do so now, and all you assholes who are bording need to hurry the fuck up”.

The mother is startled by Johnny’s language and immediately rushes in the room to scold him. “You know better than to use that filthy language! I don’t believe how dirty your mouth is. You get up from there right now and march yourself into your room for 2 hours until you learn how a child is supposed to speak whether playing or not”!!

2 hours later Little Johnny returns to his trains. “Greetings from Amtrak to all passengers” he says. “This is line 205 with a destination of NY city. Would all passengers with destinations of Detroit, Pittsburgh, and Altona please board the train now and also…..don’t forget to watch your step”.

His mother smiles as she washes dishes in the kitchen. Johnny continues, “And if any passenger wants to know why the fuck we are 2 hours late…..ask the bitch in the kitchen”.

Doctor Sex

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This chick walks into a doctor’s office and the nurse tells her to take off her clothes and that the doctor will be with her in a minute, so she does.

The doctor walks in and take off his coat and starts to feel between her thighs. He asks “do you know what I’m doing now” and she replies “you’re checking for menopause” and he says “very good”.

Then he starts feeling her tits and he asks her “do you know what I’m doing now” and she says “checking for breast cancer” and he says “very good”.

Then he jumps on her and starts rooting her and asks if she knows what he’s doing now and she replies “contracting genital herpes cause that’s why I came to see you”

Bush Research

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A researcher called G. W. Bush house in Austin.

G. W was sleeping in late and was awaken by the call.

He was half-asleep when he answered the phone.

Researcher: Excuse me, sir. I’m conducting a survey

GW Bush: Questions? No political questions.

Reseacher: Political, sir?

GW Bush: Do you know who you are calling?

Researcher: We call numbers at random, sir. May I ask —

GW Bush: What is this about?

Researcher: We are asking people do they think COKE beats PEPSI.

GW BUSH: I’ve never tried Pepsi. Is that a new thing?