Yo mama so flat she’s jealous of a book!
Author: admin
Pooltable
Q: How do you make a pool table laugh?
A: tickle its balls.
Boxing Day (day after Christmas)
A husband and wife are sitting at the kitchen table making their Chrstmas List. They finish and the husband goes to work and the wife decides to go shopping.The next day the grocery boy comes to the door and the wife says “Here is you Christmas present, Merry Christmas.” Then the milk man comes to the door and she says the same thing.Then the mail man comes to the door and she says “Why don’t you come in for a little while”So the milk man goes in and the wife goes upstairs. The milk man follows her to the bedroom. She strips off her clothes and lays spread eagle on the bed and says “Well don’t you want to fuck me?” The mail man looks around, takes off his clothes and they start fucking.Well, the husband comes into the room and asks “What the hell are you doing?” and the wife replies “What you told me to do, Fuck the Mail Man.”
Insulting Parrot
A lady was walking past a pet store when a parrot said, ”Hey, lady! You’re
really ugly!” The lady was furious and continued on her way.
On the way home, she passed by the pet store again and the parrot once more
said “Hey, lady! You’re really ugly!” She was incredibly ticked now, so she went
into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The
store manager apologized profusely and promised he would make sure the parrot
didn’t say it again.
The next day, she deliberately passed by the store to test the parrot. “Hey,
lady!” it said.
“Yes?”
“You know.”
3 Bullets
In front of you stand four men: Adolf Hitler, Idi Amin, Saddam Hussein and a lawyer. You are holding a gun which contains only three bullets. Who do you shoot?
Use all three bullets on the lawyer.
If you are cross-eyed and
If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
Fake call
The phone rang in the principal’s office and the principal picks
up
principal:hello?
caller:umm yes hi, my son won’t be coming to school today
because he’s got the flu.
principal:ok and who may i ask is speaking?
caller:umm my dad.
Knock KnockWho’s there?Sarah!Sarah who?Sarah doctor
Knock KnockWho’s there?Sarah!Sarah who?Sarah doctor in the house?
What’s a Monica?
A guy walks into his local bordello and picks out a girl. They go back to her
room and start to discuss prices. She says, “It’s $100 for a blow job, $200 for
straight sex, and $250 for a Monica.”
“What’s a Monica?” he asks.
“That’s where I blow you now and screw you later,” she answers.
Don’t dye
A blonde dyed her hair black, and thought she looked so great she decided to go for a drive in the country to celebrate. After a bit, she was driving by a sheep ranch and stopped to look at the sheep which she liked very much. She went over the the rancher and said, “If I can tell you how many are in this field right now, will you let me have one?” The rancher said, “If you can count that fast, sure!” The blonde said: “524.” The rancher, amazed, told her to take her pick, for that was the exact count. After a few minutes, the blonde came back with her animal. The rancher said, “If I can tell you what color your hair was before you dyed it, could I have my dog back?”
La hija, que viv�a en
La hija, que viv�a en los Estados Unidos, mensualmente le consignaba a su padre la suma de US$2.000 para su sustento en Colombia. Cuando en una ocasi�n la hija viaj� a visitar a su padre, al pesarle el remordimiento, decide informarle a su padre que era prostituta y que el dinero que le enviaba era parte de sus ganancias. El padre, despu�s de rega�arla, decide echarla de su casa.
Pasaron un par de meses y el padre no volvi� a recibir la mesada; entonces, decide llamar a la muchacha:
“Hija, cuando Ud. vino a visitarme qu� fue lo que me dijo. Es que estoy perdiendo la memoria; adem�s, estoy casi sordo, �qu� fue lo que me dijo?”
“Pap�, yo le dije que me hab�a vuelto prostituta”.
“Ah, eso, m’ija, perd�neme, �yo pens� que me hab�a dicho que se volvi� protestante!”
Funny Sign – Teacher Strikes
Funny Sign:
“Teacher Strikes Idle Kids”