Author: admin

Think about it

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There is no egg in eggplant or ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

English muffins were not invented in England or French fries in France.

Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese? One index, two indices? Is cheese the plural of choose?

Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?

When a house burns up, it burns down.

You fill in a form by filling it out, and an alarm clock goes off by going on.

When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

George Gets Advice

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One night, George W. Bush was awakened by the ghost of George Washington.

Bush asked, “George, now that I have been elected President, what is the best
thing I can do for the country?”

“Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did,” advised Washington.

The next night, Bush was awakened by the ghost of Thomas Jefferson.

“Tom, now that I am elected President, what is the best thing I can do for the
country?” asked Bush.

“Cut taxes and reduce the size of government,” Jefferson advised.

The next night, Bush saw another figure moving in the shadows. This time it
was the ghost of Abraham Lincoln.

“Abe, now that I have been elected President, what is the best thing I can do
for the country?” asked Bush.

“Go to the theatre!” Abe replied.

20 Reasons Throwing Up is Better than Dorm Food

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After you throw up, you feel better.

You can throw up whenever you want.

When you throw up, you don’t have to wait in line.

Throw-up is always warm.

You don’t have to sneak throw-up out of the cafeteria.

When you’re throwing up, a bent spoon is an advantage.

You can lose weight throwing up.

You don’t have to pay to throw up.

Throw-up is SUPPOSED to look like that.

When you throw up, you don’t have to come back for seconds.

You don’t have to throw up everyday.

Throwing up can never cause you to eat dorm food afterward.

You can throw up without a photo ID.

Throw-up is organic and biodegradable.

They don’t ration throw-up.

After you throw up, at least you know what you’ve eaten.

Plastic throw-up is funny. Plastic dorm food is redundant.

You don’t have to throw up the same thing five days in a row.

A dog will eat throw-up.

After you throw up, at least there’s some taste in your mouth.

Why Sports Scholarship is an Oxymoron

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“You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle” — Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach

“That’s so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes.” — Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker

“You guys line up alphabetically by height” — Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach

“I play football. I’m not trying to be a professor. The tests don’t seem to make sense to me, measuring your brain on stuff I haven’t been through in school.” — Clemson recruit Ray Forsythe, who was ineligible as a freshman because of academic requirements

“I know the Virginia players are smart because you need a 1500 SAT to get in. I have to drop bread crumbs to get our players to andfrom class” — George Raveling, Washington State basketball coach

“Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton.” — Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King

“I can’t really remember the names of the clubs that we went to.” — Shaquille O’Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece

“The ballparks have gotten too crowded. That’s why nobody goes to see the game anymore.” — Yogi Berra

“I’m going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.” — Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh

“Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.” — Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann