A cheeseburger walks into a bar, and says “Hey bartender give me a beer”.
The bartender says – “I’m sorry we don’t serve food here”.
Author: admin
Confucius Say…
Man who stand on toilet is high on pot. Revision for Confucius say 1… It
actually goes, Man who fart in church sit in own pea.
Violin joke
Q: How do you make a violin sound like a viola?A: Play in the low register with a lot of wrong notes.
Hot Shot Reporter
A hot shot East Coast newspaper reporter was on assignment in Arkansas, when he struck up a conversation with a young lady in a bar. After a half dozen drinks, he suggested they get their own bottle and retire to his motel room, and she readily agreed.
“Say, how old are you anyway?” the reporter asked as the obviously young lass was disrobing.
“Thirteen,” she replied with a shy smile.
“Thirteen??? My God, girl! You get those clothes back on at once at get the hell outta here! Are you crazy?” he thundered.
Pausing briefly at the door as she left, the perplexed nymphet smiled and said, “Superstitious, huh?”
new carpets
A family was renevating their house and was having new carpet
put in. After the carpet was put in, the workers realized there
was a large lump in the carpet. “It must have been my
cigarettes” said one of the workers. The second took a large
hammer and pounded it down until the lump was gone. Just then,
the wife walked in and said “I found some cigarettes in the
kitchen are they yours? By the way, have you seen my son’s
hamster?”
Lawyer Priorities
In California, more than 600 lawyer hopefuls were taking the State Bar exams in the Pasadena Convention Center, when a 50 year old man taking the test suffered a heart attack. Only two of the 600 test takers, John Leslie and Eunice Morgan, stopped to help the man. They administered CPR until paramedics arrived, then resumed taking the exam.
Citing policy, the test supervisor refused to allow the two additional time to make up for the 40 minutes they spent helping the victim. Jerome Braun, the State Bar’s senior executive for admissions, backed the decision stating, “If these two want to be lawyers, they should learn a lesson about priorities.”
Bomb!
there were three guys in an airplane:a japanese,a chinese,and an american guy.The japanese guy jumps off and flicks up a penny.He goes into the little kids house and says little hid why r u crying,the little kid told him something coppery came down and hit my dad on the head and knocked him out.Then the chinese guy jumps off and flicks up a nickle,he goes in the little kids house and says little kid y r u crying,the little kid says something silvery fell on my moms head and knocked her out.Then the american guy jumps off and flicks up a grenade,he goes in the little kids house and says little kid y r u laughing the little kid says my granma farted and blew up the next door neighbors house.
Un policia detiene a un
Un policia detiene a un joven por correr demasiado y le indica que por estar de buen humor, le dir� 3 adivinanzas y si las acierta no le pone la multa.
“Si viene una luz por la carretera �qu� es?” “Una moto.” No, porque puede ser Harley, Honda, Yamaha.”
“Si vienen dos luces por la carretera �qu� es?” “Un coche.” “Fall�, porque puede ser Bmw, Mercedes, Volvo.”
En esto el conductor le dice, “Bueno, la tercera la pongo yo. D�game, si ve una mujer alta rubia, con un bolso, muy provocativa, en una esquina y se acerca a la ventanilla de
un coche �qu� es?”
“�Hombre, una protituta!”
“�Pues no, porque puede ser tu madre, tu mujer o tu hija!”
Why Mothers Cry
If it’s true that girls are inclined to marry men like their fathers, it is understandable why so many mothers cry so much at weddings!
archery
Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?He missed.
OAPS
Whats got 20 legs and stinks of piss?
A pension qeue in the post office!
Derek
Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Derek.
Derek who?
I derek you to jump off the edge.