Q: What does a blonde say when she gives birth?
A: Gee, Are you sure it’s mine?
Author: admin
What?
Rodney was reading the morning newspaper when he came upon a study that said women use more words than men.
Excited to prove to his wife, Cathy, his long-held contention that women in general, and Cathy in particular, talked too much, he showed her the study results.
Rodney read the report to Cathy, “Men use about 15,000 words per day, but women use 30,000.”
Cathy thought a while, then finally she said to him, “It’s because we have to repeat everything we say.”
Rodney said, “What?”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by ���rt��
The Emergency
A well respected surgeon was relaxing on his sofa one evening just after arriving home from work. As he was tuning into the evening news, the phone rang. The doctor calmly answered it and heard the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line.
“We need a fourth for poker,” said the friend.
“I’ll be right over,” whispered the doctor.
As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, “Is it serious?”
“Oh yes, quite serious,” said the doctor gravely.
“In fact, three doctors are there already!”
Drunk Blonde
A cop sees a car weaving all over the road and pulls it over. He walks up to the car and sees a nice-looking blonde woman is driving and smells liquor on her breath.
He says, “I’m going to have to give you the breathalyzer test to determine if you are under the influence of alcohol.”
She blows up the balloon and he walks over to the police car. After a couple of minutes comes back and says, “It looks like you’ve had a couple of stiff ones.”
She replies “You mean it shows that, too?”
Dogs better than Men
How Dogs Are Better Than Men
1. Dogs don’t have problems expressing affection in public.
2. Dogs miss you when you’re gone.
3. Dogs feel guilty when they’ve done something wrong.
4. Dogs admit when they’re jealous.
5. Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
6. Dogs do not play games with you, except fetch (and they never laugh at how you throw).
7. You can train a dog.
8. Dogs are easy to buy for.
9. Dogs understand the word “no”.
10. Dogs mean it when they kiss you.
Top 15 Supreme Court Practical Jokes
15. Out with the legal brief, in with the legal thong!
14. Leave the seat up for Justices O’Connor and Ginsberg.
13. Clarence sat through the entire morning session with an “Impeach Me” sign taped to the back of his robe.
12. Rehnquist always sneaking references to Baywatch into his dissenting opinions.
11. “Officially” changed national anthem to “Gangsta’s Paradise” and re-worded Pledge of Allegiance to say “One nation under Coolio.”
10. Solemnly telling death row inmates they’ve overturned their conviction and then yelling, “PSYCHE! Turn on the juice!”
9. Tell the guys at Court TV that the Supreme Court will rule on the existence or nonexistence of Santa Claus.
8. Load everybody into Souter’s Taurus and drive by Bork’s house blasting Aerosmith and honking the horn.
7. Secretly replacing the courtroom’s Secret Service guard with Rusty the Bailiff.
6. Calling up Dominoes and sending 55 pizzas to the White House when the President is hosting a State Dinner.
5. Replace U.S. law books with Singapore law books and watch the wackiness ensue.
4. Can of white paint over Justice Thomas’ chamber door just as funny now as it’s always been.
3. Spend a couple of days on your deathbed, just to get the President’s hopes up.
2. Announce the decision to hear the controversial case of Spy vs. Spy.
1. Radio-controlled “whack-a-mole” too much for any gavel-holding judge to resist.
How does a blond tur
How does a blond turn on the light after sex? She opens the car door.
Yo mama
Yo mamas pussy is so hairy she spread her legs and said come on kids lets go to bush gardens.
Brittany Spears is a lesbionic whore.
What did the dress prove?
What did the dress prove?
She didn’t swallow.
Retard
Q:How do u get 5 retards into an ambulance??
A:2 in the front 2 in the back and the other on the top making the siren sound effects.
Drunk
a guy in a bar asks for a beer but the bartender says no your way to drunk so the guy goes in the side door and asks for a beer but the bartender says no your way to drunk so the guy goes in the other side door and asks for a beer. nooooooooo more beers says the bartender. so the guy comes in the back door. and the bartender yells at him, nooooooooo more beer. how many bars do you work at asks the guy
Janet and Hillary
First Lady Hillary Clinton and Attorney General Janet Reno were having one of those girl to girl talks…………
Hillary says to Janet, “You’re lucky that you don’t have to put up with men having sex with you. I have to put up with Bill….and there’s no telling where he last had his pecker.”
Janet responded…”Just because I am aesthetically challenged (that’s “politically correct” for ugly), doesn’t mean I don’t have to fight off unwelcome sexual advances.”
Hillary asks, “Well how do you deal with the problem?”
Janet says, “Whenever I feel that a guy’s getting ready to make a pass me, I muster all my might and squeeze out the loudest, nastiest fart I can.”
Well, that night, Bill was already in bed with the lights out when Hillary headed to bed. She could hear him start to stir, and knew that he would be wanting some action. She had been saving her farts all day, and was ready for him…..so, she tensed up her butt cheeks and forced out the most disgusting sounding fart you could imagine.
Bill rolls over and asks, “That you Janet?”