Dictionary of Evaluation Comments Some of you might like to know what the supervisor is really saying in all those glowing employee work performance evaluations s/he keeps cranking out. WILL GO FAR: Relative of management. SHOULD GO FAR: Please. USES TIME EFFECTIVELY: Clock watcher.
Author: admin
Atheists Problem
What is the biggest problem for an atheist?
No one to talk to during orgasm.
Work vs. Prison
In prison you spend the majority of your time in an 8′ X 10′ cell.
At work you spend most of your time in a 6′ X 8′ cubicle.
In prison you get three meals a day.
At work you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for that one.
In prison you get time off for good behavior.
At work you get rewarded for good behavior with more work.
At work you must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.
In prison a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
In prison you can watch TV and play games.
At work you get fired for watching TV and playing games.
In prison they ball-and-chain you when you go somewhere.
At work you are just ball-and-chained.
In prison you get your own loo.
At work you have to share.
In prison they allow your family and friends to visit.
At work you cannot even speak to your family and friends.
In prison all expenses are paid by taxpayers, with no work required.
At work you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for the prisoners.
In prison you spend most of your life looking through bars from the inside wanting to get out.
At work you spend most of your time wanting to get out and inside bars.
In prison you can join many programs which you can leave at any time.
At work there are some programs you can never get out of.
In prison there are wardens who are often sadistic.
At work we have managers.
Phone sex
I tried phone sex once, but the holes were too small.
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Two guys fishing
Two guys were out fishing in the ocean one day and not catching anything until one of the guys caught a strange looking fish. “Ha Ha said the other guy, we’re out here to catch salmon and you come up with that ugly thing.” “No wait! the other guy says, This is much better, watch this. The guy unzips his pants and puts his penis in the fishes mouth. Then he pokes the fish in the eye, the fish goes crazy wiggling and squriming and then calms down. The guy pokes the fish in the eye again and the fish wiggles and squirms again to the guy’s delight. Finally the guy takes the fish off his pecker and says to his friend, “you want to try this?” His friend looks at the fish then at him and says’ “well OK if you promise not to poke me in the eye.”
Super Tequila
On the top of a tall building in a large city, there was a bar. In this bar, a man was drinking heavily. He would ask the bartender for a tequila shot, then walk out to the balcony and jump off. Minutes later, he would appear in the elevator and repeat the whole process.
This one guy watched this happen a number of times until curiosity got the better of him. Finally, he went up to the man and asked, “Hey, you keep drinkin’, then jumpin’ off the balcony. And yet, minutes later, you’re back again. How do you do it?”
“Well, the shot of tequila provides a buoyancy such that when I get near the ground, I slow down and land gently. It’s lots of fun. You should try it.”
The guy, who was also quite pissed out of his gourd, thought to himself, “Hey, why not?” So he goes to the bar, drinks a shot of tequila, then walks out to the balcony, jumps off, and whooooooooooooo, splat!
The bartender looks over at the first guy and says, “Superman, you’re an asshole when you’re drunk.”
Blondes kids
A blonde was with her husband shopping and she decided that they would shop in different parts of the mall.
They meet in the middle 2 hours later and she announces, “I just got kids.”
The husband stares amazed, looking at the kids he says, “Those are 2 baby goats!”
Submitted by bomberman255
Edited by Calamjo, Curtis and yisman
Ur mamma
ur mamma is so nasty that she made speed stick slow down
Juan y su mujer estaban
Juan y su mujer estaban recogiendo los trastos en el desv�n y encuentran un recibo de una zapater�a. La fecha se�ala que el recibo ten�a once a�os. Los dos se rieron e intentaron recordar cual de ellos se hab�a olvidado de recoger el par de zapatos.
“�Ser� posible que todav�a tengan los zapatos?” le pregunta Juan a su mujer.
“No lo creo,” responde su mujer.
“Vale la pena ir a ver,” dice Juan, metiendo el recibo en el bolsillo y con eso, se va a la tienda.
Al llegar a la zapater�a le da el recibo al dependiente. El dependiente examina el recibo y le dice “Espere un momento que voy a buscarlos.” Y con eso desaparece para buscarlos.
Despu�s de un rato, Juan oye la voz del dependiente, “�Aqu� est�n!”
“�De veras?” dice Juan. “�Qu� suerte! No me lo cre�a despu�s de tanto tiempo.”
El dependiente vuelve al mostrador sin los zapatos y le dice, “Estar�n listos para el jueves.”
What’s worse?
Q. Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple?A. Finding half a worm!!by Nicola and Vikki
There are lawyers on the flight
An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew
to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency
landing.
A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if
everyone was buckled in and ready.
“All set back here, Captain,” came the reply, “except the lawyers are still
going around passing out business cards.”
We will have the other half this afternoon!
Teacher: Class, we will have only half a day of school this morning.
Class: Hooray
Teacher: We will have the other half this afternoon!