Different people look for different things in the Ten Commandments.
Some are looking for divine guidance, some for a code of living, but
most people are looking for loopholes.
-Sam Levenson
Author: admin
Two of Bill’s sperm
Two of Bill’s sperm were racing toward the cervix and the first one said, “How
far do you think it is to the fallopian tubes?”
The other one said, “It can’t be too far. I think we just passed the tonsils.”
Maybe we should elect officials
Maybe we should elect officials not for what they stand for, but for what
they don’t stand for.
Knock KnockWho’s there?Florida!Florida who?Florida bathroom
Knock KnockWho’s there?Florida!Florida who?Florida bathroom is wet!
Est� Pepito caminando con su
Est� Pepito caminando con su hermano y pasan por un tendedero de ropa, ven unos calzones y su hermano le dice a Pepito: “Esos calzones son de mam�.”
“No, no son.”
“Que s� son.”
“Bueno, vayamos a preguntar.”
Tocan la puerta y abre una se�ora:
“�En qu� les puedo servir.”
Pepito:
“Disculpe, se�ora, �de quien son esos calzones?”
“�De tu reputa madre, grosero!”
“Viste, Pepito, te lo dije.”
Very stupid robbers
Two robbers were robbing a hotel. The first one said, “I hear sirens. Jump!”The second one said, “But we’re on the 13th floor!”The first one screamed back, “This is no time to be superstitious.”
Baby Boomers Then and Now
Then: Being caught with Hustler magazineNow: Being caught by Hustler magazineThen: Hoping for a BMWNow: Hoping for a BMThen: The Grateful DeadNow: Dr. KevorkianThen: Getting out to a new, hip jointNow: Getting a new hip jointThen Mood StonesNow: Kidney StonesThen: Moving to California because it’s coolNow: Moving to California because it’s warmThen: Being called into the principal’s officeNow: Storming into the principal’s officeThen: Screw the system!Now: System upgrade.Then: Peace SignNow: Mercedes LogoThen: Getting your head stonedNow: Getting your headstoneThen: ”The Making of the President”Now: The making of the PresidentThen: ”Going blind”Now: REALLY going blindThen: Long hairNow: Longing for hairThen: Father Knows BestNow: Go ask your mother!Then: Parents begging you to get a haircut.Now: Children begging you to get their head shaved.Then: Acid rockNow: Acid refluxThen: The perfect highNow: The perfect high-yield mutual fundThen: KegNow: EKGThen: Take acidNow: Take antacidThen: VW MicrobusNow: Voyager MinivanThen: Thai StickNow: Thai FoodThen: Watching John Glenn’s historic flight with your parentsNow: Watching John Glenn’s historic flight with your kidsThen: Passing the driving testNow: Passing the vision testThen: Seeds and stemsNow: RoughageThen: Popping pills, smoking jointsNow: Popping jointsThen: Whatever!Now: ”Depends”Then: OmmmmmmNow: UmmmmmmThen: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth TaylorNow: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor
The two condoms…
Two condoms were walking past a Gay bar.
One looks at the other and says…
“You wanna go in and get shit faced?”
Mamma so fat
Your Mamma so fat that when she sat on a dollar she made change!
Silly knock knocks
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
IMA.
IMA who?
IMA hog.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Hoo.
Hoo who?
What are you? An owl?
Sickie off work……
A Guy rings work to say he wont be in today because hes sick….Boss says , oh how sick are you?
Guy replies ..well im at home Fucking my sister , thats Damn sick……….
The Way the Life Cycle Should Work
The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A death. What’s that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you’re too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you’re young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating, and finally, the life cycle finishes off as an orgasm.