Iba caminando una pareja en la noche por el parque, cuando pasa un borrachito con el pene fuera del pantal�n.
“�Mira viejo, ese animal!” exclama la se�ora.
Y dice el borrachito:
“No se preocupe, se�ora, lo traigo agarrado.”
Author: admin
What is a trick?
A priest decides to pay a visit to a nearby convent. The convent is in a run-down neighborhood, and as the priest walks down the street several prostitutes approach and proposition him.”Twenty bucks a trick!”These solicitations embarrass the priest who lowers his head and hurries on until he gets to the convent. Once inside he displays his naivet� by asking the Mother Superior, “What is a trick?”She answers, “Twenty bucks — just like on the street.”
Wifes radar
A man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and asked, “You know, I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?”
“Why?” she asks.
“Because everytime I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere.”
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis & Calamjo
Yo Teeth
Yo teeth is so yellow when the sun shines it gets jealous
How do you amuse a blonde for hours?…
How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
Write ‘Please turn over’ on both sides of a piece of paper
My Dearest Wife
To My Dearest Wife,
During the past year, I have attempted to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of only once every 10 days. The following is a list of why I didn’t succeed more often:
We will wake the kids – 54 times
It’s too late – 15 times
I’m too tired – 42 times
It’s too early – 12 times
It’s too hot – 18 times
Pretending to be asleep – 31 times
The neighbors will hear – 9 times
Headache or backache – 26 times
Sunburn – 10 times
Your mother will hear us – 9 times
Not in the mood – 21 times
Watching the late show – 17 times
Too sore – 26 times
New hairdo – 6 times
Wrong time of the month – 14 times
You had to go to the bathroom – 19 times
Of the 36 times that I DID succeed, the result was not always satisfying because 6 times you just laid there, 8 times you reminded me that there was a crack in the ceiling, 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with, 7 times I had to wake you up to tell you I was finished, and once I was afraid that I had hurt you because you started thrashing around and breathing heavy. Let’s try to improve
this, shall we??Love, Your Hubby
**********************
To My Dearest Husband,
I think things are a little confused. Here are the REAL reasons you didn’t get more than you did this past year:
Came home drunk and tried to screw the cat – 23 times
Did not come home at all – 36 times
Did not come – 21 times
Came too soon – 38 times
Went soft before you got it in – 19 times
Cramps in your leg – 16 times
Working too late – 33 times
You had a rash, probably from a toilet seat – 29 times
Caught yourself in your zipper – 15 times
You had a cold and your nose kept running – 21 times
You had burned your tongue on hot coffee – 9 times
You had a splinter in your finger – 11 times
You lost the notion after thinking about it – 42 times
Came in your pajamas after reading a dirty book – 16 times
The reason I laid still was because you had missed me and were screwing the sheet. You seemed to be having a good time and I didn’t want to move and spoil it for you. I wasn’t talking about the crack in the ceiling. What I said was, “Would you like me on my back or kneeling?” The time I was thrashing around and gasping was when you farted and I was fighting for air. Maybe you can work on your “shortcomings?”
Love, Your Wife
That is why it lasts forever.
When users see one GUI as beautiful,
Other user interfaces become ugly.
When users see some programs as winners,
Other programs become loss age.
Pointers and Nulls reference each other.
High level and assembler depend on each other.
Double and float cast to each other.
High ending and low endian define each other.
While and until follow each other.
Therefore the Guru
Programs without doing anything
And teaches without saying anything.
Warnings arise and he lets them come;
Processes are swapped and he lets them go.
He has but doesn’t possess,
Acts but doesn’t expect.
When his work is done, he deletes it.
That is why it lasts forever.
Here To Drink
Mick and Paddy get off a ship and head for the nearest bar. Each one orders two whiskeys and immediately downs them. They then order two more whiskeys and once again quickly throw them back. They then order another two whiskeys apiece.
Paddy picks up one of his drinks, turns to Mick and says, “Cheers!”
Mick turns to Paddy and says, “Hey, did you come here to bullshit, or did you come here to drink?”
Dutch man
What is the best thing about marrying a dutch man???
On your honey moon they give you something long and hard……………Their last name.
Choking
One day, at a local buffet, a man suddenly called out, “My son’s choking! He swallowed a quarter! Help! Please, anyone! Help!”
A man from a nearby table stood up and announced that he was quite experienced at this sort of thing. He stepped over with almost no look of concern at all, wrapped his hands around the boy’s testicles and squeezed. Out popped the quarter. The man then went back to his table as though nothing had happened.
“Thank you! Thank you!” the father cried. “Are you a paramedic?”
“No,” replied the man. “I work for the IRS.”
Man’s idea of a perfect date
Q. What’s a man’s idea of a perfect date?
A. A woman who answers the door stark naked holding a six-pack.
Baking Cakes
One day johnny walked across a public park and saw two teenagers
having sex on the bench.
He asked his mother what they were upto and she hurriedly
replied, “they`re making cakes”
Puzzeled little johnny walked on.
Later at the zoo he saw two monkeys having sex.
again he asked his mother what they were upto and she said “they
are making cakes”
Still puzzelled johnny walked on.
A day later johnny went upto his mother and asked whether she
and his father were making cakes on the living room couch at
night,embarrased the mother asked ,”why”
And little johnny replied, “aw nothing you just left some icing
on the couch”!!!