A blond, a brunette and a redhead escape from jail and
Decide to hide in a barn. As they hear the police closing in, they climb into
the loft and hide in three empty burlap feed bags. A young officer climbed into
the loft, shined his flashlight around, and decided to check the burlap bags. He
kicked the first bag containing the brunette, and she responded with a
convincing “woof”. He kicked the second bag with the redhead inside, and she let
out a perfect cat�s meow. “Nothing up here but cats and dogs,” the officer
Responded to his superior. Deciding to be sure, he kicked the last bag, the
one containing the blonde. She yelled out “Potatoes!!!”
Author: admin
Estaba una enorme fila de
Estaba una enorme fila de gente que aguardaba para llegar con San Pedro, ya que �l les dir�a si se iban al Cielo o al Infierno, en eso pasa una se�ora y �l le dice:
“Se�ora, confiese el mayor error que cometi� durante su vida”.
“La verdad, San Pedro, es que yo cuando me cas� ya no era virgen, pero mi esposo nunca lo supo”.
“Est� bien, hija, todos cometemos errores, adelante puedes pasar al Cielo”.
La se�ora se va al Cielo; despu�s de un rato, llega hasta San Pedro una mujer vieja, pero que a�n era virgen y antes de que San Pedro pudiera decirle algo, ella lo interrumpe y le dice muy orgullosa:
“Se�orita vieja”.
“Al Infierno por pendeja.”
All the Drinks are Free
An Irishman, an Italian, and a Polish guy are in a bar. They are having a good time and all agree that the bar is a nice place. Then the Irishman says, “Aye, this is a nice bar, but where I come from, back in Dublin, there’s a better one. At McDougal’s, you buy a drink, you buy another drink, and McDougal himself will buy your third drink!” The others agree that sounds like a nice place. Then the Italian says, “Yeah, that’s a nice bar, but where I come from, there’s a better one. Over in Brooklyn, there’s this place, Vinny’s. At Vinny’s, you buy a drink, Vinny buys you a drink. You buy anudda drink, Vinny buys you anudda drink.”Everyone agrees that sounds like a great bar. Then the Polish guy says, “You think that’s great? Where I come from, there’s this place called Warshowski’s. At Warshowski’s, they buy you your first drink, they buy you your second drink, they buy you your third drink, and then, they take you in the back and get you laid!” “Wow!” say the other two.”That’s fantastic! Did that actually happen to you?””No,” replies the Polish guy, “but it happened to my sister!”
Goebel’s Law Of Computer Support:
Goebel’s Law Of Computer Support: Troubleshooting a computer over the telephone is like having sex through a hole in a board fence. It can be done, but it is neither easy nor pleasant.
Haha
how do you drown a blonde?
put a mirror in the bath
Cleaner Polishes Off Patients….
Cleaner Polishes Off Patients.
South African Health – Pelonomi Hospital
Date: 26 July 1996 10:08
“For several months, our nurses have been baffled to find a dead
patient in the same bed every Friday morning” a spokeswoman for
the Pelonomi Hospital (Free State, South Africa) told reporters.
“There was no apparent cause for any of the deaths, and extensive
checks on the air conditioning system, and a search for possible
bacterial infection, failed to reveal any clues.” “However,
further inquiries have now revealed the cause of these deaths.
It seems that every Friday morning a cleaner would enter the
ward, remove the plug that powered the patient’s life support
system, plug her floor polisher into the vacant socket, then go
about her business. When she had finished her chores, she would
plug the life support machine back in and leave, unaware that the
patient was now dead. She could not, after all, hear the screams
and eventual death rattle over the whirring of her polisher.
“We are sorry, and have sent a strong letter to the cleaner in
question. Further, the Free State Health and Welfare Department
is arranging for an electrician to fit an extra socket, so there
should be no repetition of this incident. The inquiry is now
closed.”
CLIFF BIRD
YO MAMMAS SO DUMB SHE TRIED TO KILL A BIRD BY THROWING IT OFF A CLIFF!!
The devil visited a lawyer’s office
The devil visited a lawyer’s office and made him an offer. “I can arrange some
things for you, ” the devil said. “I’ll increase your income five-fold. Your
partners will love you; your clients will respect you; you’ll have four months
of vacation each year and live to be a hundred. All I require in return is that
your wife’s soul, your children’s souls, and their children’s souls rot in hell
for eternity.”
The lawyer thought for a moment. “What’s the catch?” he asked.
Because if they all went, it would be hell.
Q. Why do only 10% of women go to heaven?
A. Because if they all went, it would be hell.
Question answer
Where do religious school children practice sports?In the prayground! How did the basketball court get wet?The players dribbled all over it! Why did the chicken get sent off?For persistent fowl play!
Old man golfing
Jesus, Moses, and and old man go golfing. Jesus hits his ball into the water hazard. He walks on the water, hits his ball, and gets a two.
Moses hits his ball into the water hazard, parts the water, hits his ball, and gets a two.
Tho old man hits his ball two feet, a bird picks it up, drops it two inches from the hole, and a rabbit bumps it in and he gets a hole in one.
Then Moses turns to Jesus, and says, “why do you always have to bring your old man golfing with us?”
Out to Dinner
A man and a woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, with the woman acting unconcerned. The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table.
Still, the woman dining across from him appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared.
After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, “Pardon me, ma’am, but I think your husband just slid under the table.”
The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, “No he didn’t. He just walked in the door.”