Author: admin

Thoughts

Posted on by admin
  • Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars, and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint, and he has to touch it.
  • How come SUPERMAN could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
  • If it was only a 3 hour cruise, why did MRS. HOWELL have so many clothes?
  • Why does SOUR CREAM have an Expiration date?
  • Do infants have as much fun in their infancy as adults do in adultery?
  • Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?
  • Why do we wait until a PIG is dead, to “CURE” it?
  • Why do we wash BATH TOWELS–aren’t we clean when we use them?
  • Why doesn’t GLUE stick to the inside of the bottle?
  • Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as “4’s”?
  • What do little birdies see, when they get knocked unconscious?
  • If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
  • Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
  • When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
  • What should you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?
  • Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
  • If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
  • If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
  • Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?
  • Atheism is a nonprophet organization.
  • If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
  • Never trust a stockbroker who’s married to a travel agent.
  • Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.
  • Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?
  • On the other hand, you have different fingers.
  • I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
  • If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?

Canine’s Prayers to God

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Dear God,
Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to
apologize?

Dear God,
How come people love to smell flowers, but seldom, if ever,
smell one another? Where are their priorities?

Dear God,
When my family eats dinner they bless the food. But they never
bless mine. So…I’ve been wagging my tail extra fast when they
fill my bowl. Have you noticed my own blessing?

Dear God,
When we get to Heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it the
same story?

Frog noise

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Two litte boys are talking to each other when the older boy, Little Tommy, gets up and walks over to his Grandpa and says, “Grandpa, please make a frog noise.”

The Grandpa says, “No.”

Little Tommy goes on, “Please .. please .. make a frog noise.”

The Grandpa says, “No, now go play.”

Little Tommy then says to his younger brother, Little Johnny, “Go tell Grandpa to make a frog noise.”

So Little Johnny goes to his Grandpa and says, “Please make a frog noise.”

The Grandpa says sternly, “I just told your brother NO and I’m telling you NO.”

Little Johnny says, “Please .. please .. Grandpa make a frog noise.”

The Grandpa curiously asks, “Why do you want me to make a frog noise?”

Then, Little Johnny replied, “Because mommy said when you croak we can go to Disney World!”

Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis