yo momma is so tall she did a cartwheel and kicked jesus.
Author: admin
The difference between philosophy and
The difference between philosophy and theology:
if you have an argument over
philosophy, you get red in the face. Over theology you throw
bombs.
Yo mama is so ugly
Yo mama so ugly if ugly were bricks she’d have her own projects!
Skylights
I had skylights installed at my place the other day…the people
that live upstairs are really mad!
To Change a Lightbul
How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb? Charismatic: Only one, and hands are already in the air. Pentecostal: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness. Presbyterians: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times. Roman Catholics: None. Candles only. Baptists: At least 15. One to change the bulb, and 3 committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad. Episcopalians: Eight. One to call the electrician, and seven to say how much they liked the old one better. Mormons: Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it. Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found light bulbs work for you, that’s fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your light bulb, and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service. At this time we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life, and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence. Methodists: Undetermined. Whether your light bulb is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, a turnip bulb, or a tulip bulb. Church wide lighting service is planned for Sunday, August 19. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish. Nazarene: One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy. Lutherans: None. Lutherans don’t believe in change. Amish: What’s a light bulb?
Old Women
Q: What do old women have between their breasts that young women don’t?
A: A bellybutton!
Killed the Rooster
A guy who ran over a rooster on a country road late one night. He felt bad, so he went up to the nearby house, knocks on the door and says to the old farmer:
“Sir, I just ran over your Rooster, and i’d like to replace it.”
And of course, the old farmer shrugs and replies: “Be my guest. The hens are out back.”
Getting a Tooth Pulled
A man & wife entered a dentist’s office. The Wife said, “I want a tooth pulled. I don’t want gas or Novocain because I’m in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible.”
You’re a brave woman said the dentist. Now, Show me which tooth it is.
The wife turns to her husband and says, “Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear.”
Yo Mama’s So Fat… Beach
Yo’ mama so fat, when she goes to the beach, the tide comes in!
Speeding
The cop got out of his car and went over to the other vehicle.
The kid, who was stopped for speeding, rolled down his window.
“I’ve been waiting for you all day,” the cop said.
The kid replied, “Yeah, well… I got here as fast as I could!”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Screwing a Light Bulb
How many men does it take to change a light bulb?
Four, one to actually change it and three friends to brag to about how he screwed it.
Un septuagenario llega al hospital
Un septuagenario llega al hospital convulsion�ndose en una camilla; los enfermeros, corriendo, le gritan al m�dico de guardia:
“�Doctor, doctor es urgente!”
El m�dico, impresionado por la escena, pregunta:
“�Qu� le sucede al anciano?”
Uno de los enfermeros responde:
“Se tom� todo un frasco de Viagra”.
El facultativo se alarma y ordena:
“Viene intoxicado, necesita un lavado estomacal urgente”.
“No, trae quemaduras de tercer grado”, asegura el enfermero.
“�D�nde?”, pregunta extra�ado el galeno.
“�En la mano!”