El doctor Chinvin, que ten�a

El doctor Chinvin, que ten�a fama de malo, se encontraba peleando en un juicio crucial: a su cliente se le acusaba de violaci�n de una menor de edad. Antes de entrar al juicio el abogado habla con su defendido y lo alecciona:

“Mira, a todo lo que te digan responde que no”.

“Tratar�”, responde su cliente.

Llegado el momento, el juez le pregunta al acusado:

“�Y usted se considera culpable o inocente?”

Luego de temblar un rato, el inculpado responde:

“�Culpable, se�or juez, culpable!”

Retorci�ndose en su asiento, el doctor Chinvin se preocupa:

“�Co�o e’ la madre, me jod�!”

El juez prosigue:

“�Qu� puede decir la defensa?”

De inmediato, el doctor Chinvin puntualiza:

“Se�or juez, mi defendido es culpable y solicito el encarcelamiento de la ni�a que ha perjudicado a mi defendido”.

En ese instante, la gente presente, el juez, la defensa, etc., salta y exclama:

“�Pero usted est� loco!”

Sin inmutarse, el doctor Chinvin acepta:

“Claro que no, pero si ha usted le pica un o�do y usted se mete el dedo y se da pa’ arriba y pa’ abajo; pa’ la izquierda y la derecha, �qui�n es �l que goza un bol�n: el deo o el gueco?”

Date With

There was a guy named Bill and his girlfriend Jane. Bill broke up with Jane afraid she was cheating on him.

Ironically it was the day before the big costume party (couples only).

Thinking fast, Bill paid a prostitute to go with him. Since it was a costume party he couldn’t see her face.

He took her to his place and they started to take off their costumes.

They got in bed and the prostitute took off her mask and it was………………..










HIS MOM!

Who did you think it was? Jane?

Submitted by Lol_Girl_72
Editted by Curtis

A farmer purchases an old,

A farmer purchases an old, run-down, abandoned farm with plans
to turn it into a thriving enterprise. The fields are grown over with
weeds, the farmhouse is falling apart, and the fences are collapsing
all around.

During his first day of work, the town preacher stops by to
bless the man’s work, saying, “May you and God work together to make
this the farm of your dreams!”

A few months later, the preacher stops by again to call on the
farmer. Lo and behold, it’s like a completely different place — the
farm house is completely rebuilt and in excellent condition, there is
plenty of cattle and other livestock happily munching on feed in
well-fenced pens, and the fields are filled with crops planted in neat
rows. “Amazing!” the preacher says. “Look what God and you have
accomplished together!”

“Yes, reverend,” says the farmer, “but remember what the farm
was like when God was working it alone!”

Fall-down drunk

A man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering on the absurd, stood up to
leave a bar and fell flat on his face.

“Maybe all I need is some fresh air,” thought the man as he crawled outside.

He tried to stand up again, but fell face first into the mud.

“Screw it,” he thought. “I’ll just crawl home.”

The next morning, his wife found him on the doorstep asleep.

“You went out drinking last night, didn’t you?” she said.

“Uh, yes,” he said sheepishly. “How did you know?”

“You left your wheelchair at the bar again.”

Heaven Wishes

100 men were waiting at the pearly gates of heaven to go when god appeared. He said “since as you have all lived such good lifes, i will grant you all one wish each!” So, turning to guy No.1 he said “what would you like as your wish?””To be beautiful” was his reply, and so it was done.God asked the question to man 2 and he also said to be beautiful.Then they all were saying it and when it got to guy number 14, number 100 at the back began to giggle …Guy 28 was saying he wanted to be beautiful when man 100 laughed out loud, and he got a piercing stare from everyone.By the time it got to man 84, the number 100 was rollling on the floor laughing his head off!!! But they all ignored him.After man numero 99 said he wished to be hansome (a bit of variation!) the guy 100 finally got his wish.But first God asked why he was laughing, “no reason” he said; so God shrugged his shoulders and asked him the same question as all the others: “what do you want?”The 100th guy said “To make them all butt-ugly again!”

Computer Lab

My friend was on duty in the main computer lab on a quiet afternoon he noticed
a young woman sitting in front of one of the workstations with her arms crossed
across her chest, staring at the screen.

After about 15 minutes he noticed that she was still in the same position,
only now she was impatiently tapping her foot.

Finally, he approached her and asked if she needed help. She replied, “It’s
about time! I pressed the F1 button over twenty minutes ago!”

Just a Kiss

Walking up to a department store’s fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, “I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?”

“Only one kiss per yard, ” replied the smirking male clerk.

“That’s fine,” replied the girl. “I’ll take ten yards.”

With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then held it out teasingly. The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old man standing beside her.

“Grandpa will pay the bill,” she smiled.

The Murder

The Press swarmed as Gus Refer cut the ribbon announcing the
opening of his brand new restaurant. It had a lot of publicity
because it was the world’s only restaurant it the shape of a
circle.

About four hours later Gus headed for home. He knew the party
would probably go on until morning, but he was tired and wanted
some rest.

Two hours later Gus was awakened by the sound of his phone
ringing. He picked it up and said hello.

“Are you Gus Refer?”

“Yes, why?”

“My name is Ian Magwire. There has been a murder at your
restaurant, come down immediately.” Gus quickly dressed and went
to the restaurant. As he stepped out of the car he noticed that
everyone was there. Ian Magwire had already started questioning
the staff.

“Where were you when the murder occured?” he asked the cook. “I
was in the kitchen, cutting a chicken with the new and
incredibaly sharp knife I have.”

“Where were you when the murder occurred?” he asked a waiter. “I
was picking up shards of glass,” he said.

“Where were you when the murder happened?” he asked the
waitress. “I was waiting on that table in the corner,” she said.

An hour later Ian walked out of the restaurant with the
murderer. Who was it and why?

Answer: It was the waitress. (She said she was waiting on the
table in the corner. Circles don’t have corners. Remember, the
restaurant was round.)