Author: admin

Can I Buy You a Drin

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A guy met this girl in a bar and asked, “May I buy you a drink?””Okay,” she said, “but it won’t do you any good.”A little later, he asks, “May I buy you another drink?””Okay,” she said again, “but it won’t do you any good.”He invites her up to his apartment and she replies, “Okay, but you know it won’t do you any good.”They get to his apartment and he says, “You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I want you for my wife.””Oh, well that’s different….” she says.”Send her in!”

Presidential Flavors

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Ben & Jerry’s New Presidential Flavors

Slick Willie

Double Nut Joy

Subpoenas ‘n’ Cream

Impeach-Mint

Candy Pants

Chocolate Chip Doughboy

Chilly Hillbilly

Draft-Dodging Pot-Smoking Intern-Nailing Raspberry Swirl Vanilla

Pantsachio Subpoena Colada

Biscuits ‘n’ Gravy

Horny Bubba Crunch

Arkansas Peach

Subpoena Butter Cup

Peppermint Fattie

Captain Cream

Tubby Bubba

Hillary Chiller

Fundraising Coffee

Oval Office Surprise

Arkansas Smoothie

Hyperactive Nuts

Scandalberry

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo

Dialogue while Moses is at the top of Sinai….

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God: And remember Moses, in the laws of keeping Kosher, never
cook a calf in its mother’s milk. It is cruel.

Moses: Ohhhhhh! So you are saying we should never eat milk and
meat together.

G: No, what I’m saying is, never cook a calf in its mother’s
milk.

M: Oh, Lord forgive my ignorance! What you are really saying is
we should wait six hours after eating meat to eat milk so the
two are not in our stomachs.

G: No, Moses, what I’m saying is, don’t cook a calf in its
mother’s milk!!!

M: Oh, Lord! Please don’t strike me down for my stupidity! What
you mean is we should have a separate set of dishes for milk and
a separate set for meat and if we make a mistake we have to bury
that dish outside….

G: Moses, do whatever the fuck you want….

Drums, Drummers, Drumming

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A man goes on vacation to a tropical island. As soon as he gets off the plane,
he hears drums. He thinks, “Wow, this is cool.”

He goes to the beach, he hears the drums, he eats lunch, he hears drums, he
goes to a luau, and he hears drums. He TRIES to go to sleep, he hears drums.

This goes on for several nights, and gets to the point where the guy can’t
sleep at night because of the drums. Finally, he goes down to the front desk.
When he gets there, he asks the manager, “Mister, that’s it!! Why won’t those
drummers stop?! I can’t get any sleep!” The manager replies, “No! The drums must
NEVER stop. It’s terrible if the drums stop drumming.”

“Why?”

“When drums stop… bass solo begins.”