A group of guys are on their way to a party, but couldn’t quite remember the address to the house. ”I’m sure this is the one,” said the driver. ”Well, I have got to go to the bathroom SO BAD.” Replied one of the others, ”I’ll go knock on the door, and check. If it’s the wrong house, at least I’ll get to a toilet!” So he gets out and walks to the front door. He rings it once….No answer. He rings it again…..Still no answer. So, he thinks, ”This is a big house, big party, maybe the party is outside, in the backyard.” So he walks around the house to the back, there was no one out there either. As he aproached the back door, he was suprized to find it unlocked, and opened. There was obviously no one home, so he figured he’d just quietly run inside real quick, and use there bathroom, no one would know. So, he goes inside but he can’t find the bathroom anywhere. So, he quickly ran up the stairs and searched, and searched, till finally as he opened a door to a small room, he was amazed to find a GOLDEN TOILET. He had never seen anything like it, but remembering that he was in a stranger’s house, and that they could at anytime return home, he quickly did his business and walked out. As he got in the car he excitedly told his friends of the AMAZING GOLDEN TOILET. They laughed in disbelief at his crazy tale. They pulled out of the driveway, arguing about it. They argued the whole way to the party.A couple of hours later, on the way home from the party. They drive past the house with the GOLDEN TOILET. And they guy insists on stopping so he could prove to his friends the these people really did have a GOLDEN TOILET. So, they agree to check it out. So they all walk up to the front door and ring the door bell. And a woman answers the door. ”Excuse me maam, but could you please let me show my friends here your GOLDEN TOILET, they don’t believe me!” ”So YOU’RE the guy!” The woman replies, then yells to her husband in the house, ”HONEY!?!…HERES THE GUY THAT POOPED IN YOUR TUBA!”’
Author: admin
Hikers meet headhunters.
So these three people are hiking in a forest, and all of a sudden these headhunters catch them and bring the hikers to the head headhunter.
The head headhunter says “If you want to live you must complete some tasks. First you must go into the forest, pick some fruits, and bring them back”
So the hikers did that and came back.
The head head hunter said “Now you must take the fruits you picked and stick them up your ass.”
So the first hiker has apples… Ok, apples it shouldn’t be too hard.
1 up okay… 2 up the hiker starts screeming, so the headhunters chop off his head.
The second hiker has grapes. Ok, grapes this should be easy!
1 up okay… 2 up fine… 3… 4 the hiker starts laughing like crazy! The headhunters chop off his head.
So the two hikers who got their heads chopped off are up in Heaven and the hiker who had the apples askes the hiker who had the grapes “What happened… you had grapes, I mean you got killed c’mon what happened?”
The guy who had grapes says, “Well the other hiker…….. he…….. he……… he had watermellons!”
Why Men Live Longer than Animals
God created the mule, and told him, “You are mule. You will work constantly from dusk to dawn, carrying heavy loads on your back. You will eat grass and lack intelligence. You will live for 35 years.”
The mule answered, “To live like this for 35 years is too much. Please, give me no more than 20.”
And it was so.
Then God created the dog, and told him, “You are dog. You will hold vigilance over the dwellings of Man, to whom you will be his greatest companion. You will eat his table scraps and live for 30 years.”
The dog responded, “Lord, to live 30 years as a dog like that is too much. Please, no more than 10 years.”
And it was so.
God then created the monkey, and told him, “You are monkey. You shall swing from tree to tree, acting like an idiot. You will be funny, and you shall live for 20 years.”
The monkey responded, “Lord, to live 20 years as the clown of the world is too much. Please, Lord, give me no than 10 years.”
And it was so.
Finally, God created Man and told him, “You are Man, the only rational Being that walks the earth. You will use your intelligence to have mastery over the creatures of the world. You will dominate the earth and live for 20 years.”
The man responded, “Lord, to be Man for only 20 years is too little. Please, Lord; give me the 15 years the mule refused, the 20 years the dog refused, and the 10 years the monkey rejected.”
And so God made Man to live 20 years as a man, then marry and live 15 years like a mule working and carrying heavy loads on his back. Then, he is to have children and live 20 years as a dog, guarding his house and eating the leftovers after they empty the pantry; then, in his old age, to live 10 years as a monkey, acting like an idiot to amuse his grandchildren.
And it is so…
How to drown a Blonde
How do you drown a blonde?
Put a copy of “The Three Little Pigs” at the bottom of the pool and tell her to read the whole thing.
Teaching a Bunch Hooligans
A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one
day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard.
Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly
turned and asked, “What’s so funny, Pat?”
“I just saw one of your garters!”
“Get out of my classroom,” she yells, “I don’t want to see you for three
days!”
The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title
the assignment, she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is
an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks,
“What’s so funny, Billy?”
“I just saw both of your garters!”
Again, she yells, “Get out of my classroom! This time the punishment is more
severe, I don’t want to see you for three weeks!”
Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again.
So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is a burst of laughter from
another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the
classroom.
“Where do you think you’re going?” she asks.
“From what I just saw, my school days are over!”
Knock KnockWho’s there?Wayne!Wayne who?Wayne are
Knock KnockWho’s there?Wayne!Wayne who?Wayne are you coming over to my house!
If you are feeling good,
If you are feeling good, don’t worry. You’ll get over it.
A fire engine sandwich
Q. What’s red and white and red and white and hard to swallow?
A. A fire engine sandwich.
crazy
what do you call a crazy person who is obsessed with the moon?
a lunar-tic
Monkeys holiday
There was a bolond haired man he was taking a truck full of monkey across town to a zoo a few miles along the road he broke down he was all woried he was gona be fired when along came another blond man do u need a hand he asks please replys the man will u take these monkeys to london zoo they must be there in 3hours ok he said two hours later the same man drove past the man whos car had broke down so he put hes hands out and stoped the man were the hell have u been u should be nearly in london bye now well i had half an hour spare so i took them to the park to he replied
Too much thinking…
Last year authorities in Montana discovered that a hermit had been living in an old Forest Service cabin, and they were concerned about his well being. They decided to send up a team of experts from different fields to analyze his living arrangements, and to make sure that he was okay.
First they decided on a Psychologist, to make sure that the man was mentally handling his isolation. Next, they decided on an Engineer, to make sure that the cabin is still structurally sound and safe. Finally, they decided on a Theological professor from the university, to make sure that the man’s spiritual needs were being fulfilled.
The team made it’s way up the treacherous terrain in three days, but they were truly exhausted. Finally, on the evening of the third day, they spotted the cabin. From the outside, it appeared all was well.
The area around the cabin was clean, the ground almost appearing as though it had been swept often. There was smoke coming from the stove pipe chimney, and the door was slightly ajar.
Cautiously, they walked inside.
Inside the cabin everything appeared neat and tidy. The only thing that stood out, and this immediately caught the attention of all three men, was that the stove was suspended 18 inches off of the floor by about a hundred wires attached to the ceiling. The pattern of the wires was very intricate, cutting this way and that, and it appeared to be a very sturdy arrangement.
At first, all three men did not know what to make of the arrangement. Finally with a loud, “Oh yes!” the Psychologist spoke. “This very clearly explains this man’s desire to return to the womb. He has arranged the stove so that he can crawl underneath to, once again, feel the warmth of the womb.”
“Nonsense!” exclaimed the Engineer. “This serves a very clear and definite thermodynamic purpose. He has lifted the stove so as to reduce the zone which the heat has to permeate, allowing the cold air to remain within the cabin, locking the heat in place. This man is a genius.”
The Theological Professor stayed quiet a moment longer, but then he too spoke. “I hate to disappoint you both, but I believe you are both wrong. The placement of fire on raised altars has always been a significant emblem of the existence of faith and religion in cultures of the past and present. It would clearly be that this man has created an altar for whatever faith he has clung onto or, worse yet, created.”
At this, the three men argued until there was a loud knock at the door, and the three men turned to see that the hermit had returned to his home. Immediately the three men approached him and demanded to know the significance of the placement of the stove.
The hermit stared at the three men long enough to hush them up, and then he spoke.
“Simple…had to fix stove pipe…plenty of wire…not enough stove pipe!”
Do not let young Children read this
1. Clifford the big red dog is put to sleep