Yesterday an arrest warrant was issued for Michael Jackson and today by mistake cops picked up Diana Ross.
—Jay Leno
Author: admin
Una pandilla de violadores se
Una pandilla de violadores se mete a un convento a punta de metralleta.
El jefe de los delincuentes ordena a gritos que se re�nan todas las religiosas y vocifera:
“Ahora si, carajo, nos vamos a coger a todas. �A todas!”
La superiora sale en defensa de las religiosas diciendo: “�No, eso no �Por favor! �Nuestras reglas no nos lo permiten!”
“Est� bien”; responde el violador, “entonces regresamos la pr�xima semana”.
3 GUYS DIE
3 Guys die one likes to have mad sex, one likes to eat like
crazy, and the last guy likes to smoke weed. God says that to
teach them a leson about there life he locks them in room with
there favourite things for 100 years each. The guy who likes to
have sex is locked in room with a ton of sexy woman, the fat
eating machine is locked in a room with tons of food, and the
guy who likes to smoke weed is locked in a room with tons of
weed. After 100 years he lets out the guy who like have sex says
“the woman got dry after a while I never ever want to have sex
again”. Then God lets out the guy who eats like a machine when
he let him out he said “I the fatest bastard you’ve ever seen I
never want to eat again”.Then the God lets out the guy the guy
who smokes weed all the time when he came out he was crying he
said “do you have a lighter”.
Top 10 Reasons Your Child is too old for Breastfeeding…
Top 10 Reasons Your Child is too old for Breastfeeding
10. He can open your blouse by himself.
9. While suckling at one breast, he caresses the other.
8. He has developed a bad habit of flicking his tongue.
7. He keeps slipping dollar bills in your belt.
6. He uses your milk as creamer for his coffee.
5. Your birth control pills interfere with his acne medicine.
4. After each feeding, he has a smoke.
3. He frequently invites his friends over for dinner.
2. You feel an uncontrollable urge to listen to “Dueling Banjos.”
1. Beard abrasions on areola.
Gatorade Condoms
Is It IN You???
The Top 15 Signs Your Neighbor is an ex-MTV VJ
15. “Pool parties” consist of paunchy Billy Idol, Andrew Ridgely and Billy Squier sitting around in Speedos talking about the good ol’ days.
14. Perky? Check. Cute? Check. Named Martha? Check. Can’t sew doilies or make potpourri? Check!
13. At neighborhood watch meetings, never says much of anything besides, “Heh-heh. That would be cool.”
12. Big hair sometimes blocks out the sunlight to his marijuana garden.
11. Those windowsill flower pots look an awful lot like upside-down 80’s Madonna breast cones.
10. Constantly fertilizing the yard in “Cat in the Hat” headgear and “I don’t have a small penis” T-shirt.
9. Actually seems to understand what that Jesse guy is saying.
8. Bumper sticker on his car: “Internet Killed the Video Star”
7. Even though he’s in his forties, every year he and Eddie Money try to drag you down to Mexico for Spring Break.
6. He keeps auditioning to get a part on “Real World Detroit.”
5. Every month, another garage sale with nothing but hundreds of “Aha” albums.
4. Seems overly excited about his latest “gig” as guest celebrity moderator for some lame Internet humor list.
3. Impressive ability to weave old MTV stories into Amway pitch.
2. Knows every video, performer, song, and album title, but can’t remember to call you anything but “Dude.”
1. Sits in front of hit TV, screaming “You call that a !@#$%& *intro*?!!?!!?” at VH-1.
Emergency Room Wonders
* Emergency Rooms will tell you one of the most common injury suffered in falling out of bed for a guy is a broken dick. Although the penis does not have a “bone” it is full of erectile tissue that can be bent too far to the point of snapping. This type of injury requires surgery to correct. Often it can result in massive hemorrhaging.
* The man who accidentally sent a knee into his lovers face in the dark as he climbed up to *** ***k her. Broke her nose, blackened both her eyes and knocked out three teeth, one of which had to be dug out of his kneecap. It had dug down to the bone and stuck there.
* Getting nailed in the nuts is no joke either, a friend of mine got an unintended knee in the groin when he and his girl were changing positions and the impact ruptured a vein. His ball sack filled with blood. It swelled to a diameter of seven inches and turned black on the way to the hospital. The good folks at the Emergency Room had to lance it upon arrival and it burst like a balloon. They then had to cut it open and fix the blood vessel. He was bed ridden for almost two months. (He married the girl and they have been together now for over ten years.)
* The guy who couldn’t wait and jumped into bed at the sight of his naked and beckoning lover. His action sent a wave across the waterbed so big it threw her out of bed. She took out the nightstand and the lamp, the room was plunged into darkness. She was knocked out cold as her head hit the wall. To top it off, when she fell out of bed, she landed on her sleeping cat killing it with her plummeting body.
* The woman who slipped in the shower while she was stroking her lovers erection, her fall was averted but she twisted him so hard that another trip to the emergency room was needed.
* The couple who fell through the glass shower door and needed stitches.
* The girl who got a slipped disk in an unusual sexual position and could not straighten up. (The Emergency Room got a real chuckle over that one.)
* The man who served breakfast in bed to his girl and she was so taken by it that they started to make love again, with the tray still on the bed. The coffee spilled and shorted the electric blanket which set fire to the bed.
* The woman who lost her dentures in the middle of a blowjob on a guy she had just met. When the teeth came loose they cut him so bad he had to have stitches.
Give the frog a loan
A frog walks into a bank and says “I wanna loan.”
“Well Mr.. frog, go over there to Mrs. Black’s desk, she is the loan manager,
I’m sure she will be happy to talk to you,” The head desk says.
The frog hops over to Mrs. Patty Black’s desk and says, “I wanna loan.”
Mrs. Black says, “Well Mr. Frog, we will have to get some paperwork for you to
sign, so if you will wait right here…” At this point the frog pulls out of his
knapsack a golden disk and hands it over to her.
She asks, confused, “What is this?”
The frog croaks back, “I wanna loan.” She rubs her head, and walks back to her
boss and says, “I don’t get it, a frog hops in here wanting a loan, and gives me
this golden disk. Do you know what it is?”
The boss laughs and says, “It’s a knick-knack Patty Black, give the frog a
loan!”
Compact miror
one day, two blondes were walking down the sidewalk when one of the blondes saw a compact mirror sitting on the ground. she picke up the mirror, looked into it and said to the second blonde,”hey this person looks familiar!” the second blonde said “let me see” and she took the mirror and said to the first blonde “you dummy its me!!”
Practicing My Art
In a long line of people, one guy suddenly starts massaging the back of the person in front of him, the person turned and asked, what the hell you are doing?
“Well,” said the guy massaging the back, “you see I’m a chiropractor and I can’t help massaging your back, in fact I can’t help practicing my art”.
“Are you crazy?” the other guy said, “I’m a lawyer, am I fucking the guy in front of me!”
Stupid
yo mama is so stupid when robbers broke in she dialed 911 on the microwave
Dr. Stranton died and arrived at the Pearly…
Dr. Stranton died and arrived at the Pearly Gates. While trying to get
through, he was stopped by St. Peter. “Now hold on,” said the M.D. “I’ll have
you know I was the biggest specialist in Chicago. You’ve got to let me in.”
“Sorry,” said St. Peter. “You have to go to the rear of the line and wait
your turn.”
Dr. Stranton moved to the back of the queue and stood there. Suddenly, he
spotted a man dressed in a green operating outfit, wearing a surgical mask and
a stethoscope, walk past him and then straight through the Pearly Gates.
Stranton rushed up to St. Peter and shouted, “what’s the meaning of this? I
was here before that man. How dare you let him in?”
“Sorry,” explained St. Peter. “That’s God. You see, he thinks he’s a
doctor.”