Why are blonde’s coffins Y-shaped?
Because as soon as they are on their backs, their legs open.
Author: admin
Blonde Vs Redhead
What’s the difference between a blonde whore and a redhead whore?
After the blonde, you put antibiotics on your dick.
After the redhead you put antibiotics on the bite marks on your shoulders and scratches on your back.
Teaching a Bunch Hooligans
A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one
day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard.
Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly
turned and asked, “What’s so funny, Pat?”
“I just saw one of your garters!”
“Get out of my classroom,” she yells, “I don’t want to see you for three
days!”
The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title
the assignment, she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is
an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks,
“What’s so funny, Billy?”
“I just saw both of your garters!”
Again, she yells, “Get out of my classroom! This time the punishment is more
severe, I don’t want to see you for three weeks!”
Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again.
So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is a burst of laughter from
another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the
classroom.
“Where do you think you’re going?” she asks.
“From what I just saw, my school days are over!”
Yo mama’s nose is so big
Yo mama nose so big that her neck broke from the weight!
A problem with teeth
This minister just had all of his remaining teeth pulled and new dentures were being made.The first Sunday, he only preached 10 minutes.The second Sunday, he preached only 20 minutes.But, on the third Sunday, he preached 1 hour 25 minutes.When asked about this by some of the congregation, he responded this way.The first Sunday, my gums were so sore it hurt to talk.The second Sunday, my dentures were hurting a lot.The third Sunday, I accidentally grabbed my wife’s dentures… and I couldn’t stop talking!
You might be a Republican if:
You might be a Republican if…
You’ve tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if people were allowed to keep more of their minimum wage.
You’ve ever referred to someone as “my (insert racial or ethnic minority here) friend”
You’re a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty.
You’ve ever referred to the moral fiber of something.
You’ve ever uttered the phrase, “Why don’t we just bomb the sons of bitches.”
You’ve ever called a secretary or waitress “Honey.”
You don’t think “The Simpsons” is all that funny, but you watch it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense.
You don’t let your kids watch Sesame Street because you accuse Bert and Ernie of “sexual deviance.”
You use any of these terms to describe your wife: Old ball and chain, little woman, old lady, tax credit…
You scream “Dit-dit-ditto” while making love.
You’ve argued that art has a “moral foundation set in Western values.”
You think Birkenstock was that radical rock concert in 1969.
You argue that you need 300 handguns, in case a bear ever attacks your home.
Vietnam makes a lot of sense to you.
You point to Hootie and the Blowfish as evidence of the end of racism in America.
You’ve ever said “Clean air? Looks clean to me.”
You’ve ever referred to Anita Hill as a “lying bitah” while attending a Bob Packwood fund-raiser.
You spent MLK Day reading “The Bell Curve.”
You’ve ever called education a luxury.
You look down through a glass ceiling and chuckle.
You wonder if donations to the Pentagon are tax-deductable.
You own a vehicle with an “Ollie North: American Hero” sticker.
You’re afraid of the “liberal media.”
You ever based an argument on the phrase, “Well, tradition dictates….”
You’ve ever called the National Endowment for the Arts a bunch of pornographers.
You think all artists are gay.
You ever told a child that Oscar the Grouch “lives in a trash can because he is lazy and doesn’t want to contribute to society.”
You’ve ever urged someone to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, when they don’t even have shoes.
Monkeys holiday
There was a bolond haired man he was taking a truck full of monkey across town to a zoo a few miles along the road he broke down he was all woried he was gona be fired when along came another blond man do u need a hand he asks please replys the man will u take these monkeys to london zoo they must be there in 3hours ok he said two hours later the same man drove past the man whos car had broke down so he put hes hands out and stoped the man were the hell have u been u should be nearly in london bye now well i had half an hour spare so i took them to the park to he replied
Divine Golf
One sunny day Jesus, Moses and a small, elderly man were playing golf.
Jesus was the first to tee off and he hit the ball a little left and it ended
up in the water hazard. Because it was Jesus, his ball floated and when he got
down to the hazard he walked upon the water and hit the ball onto the green.
Moses was the next to tee off, and like Jesus he hit the ball into the water
hazard. When he got down to the hazard, he parted the waters and hit the ball
onto the green.
The little old man was next, and he too hit into the water hazard. Just then a
big fish swallowed the ball and began to swim away. A hawk swooped down and
grabbed the fish in its talons and started to fly off. As the hawk passed over
the green, it tightened its grip on the fish which caused the ball to pop out of
the fish. The ball landed on the green and rolled into cup.
Jesus then turned to the old man and said, “Look Dad, if you’re going to play,
play fair.”
High Heals
Why did the blond wear high heals?
Her mother told her never to sell her self short.
The Golden Toilet
A group of guys are on their way to a party, but couldn’t quite remember the address to the house. ”I’m sure this is the one,” said the driver. ”Well, I have got to go to the bathroom SO BAD.” Replied one of the others, ”I’ll go knock on the door, and check. If it’s the wrong house, at least I’ll get to a toilet!” So he gets out and walks to the front door. He rings it once….No answer. He rings it again…..Still no answer. So, he thinks, ”This is a big house, big party, maybe the party is outside, in the backyard.” So he walks around the house to the back, there was no one out there either. As he aproached the back door, he was suprized to find it unlocked, and opened. There was obviously no one home, so he figured he’d just quietly run inside real quick, and use there bathroom, no one would know. So, he goes inside but he can’t find the bathroom anywhere. So, he quickly ran up the stairs and searched, and searched, till finally as he opened a door to a small room, he was amazed to find a GOLDEN TOILET. He had never seen anything like it, but remembering that he was in a stranger’s house, and that they could at anytime return home, he quickly did his business and walked out. As he got in the car he excitedly told his friends of the AMAZING GOLDEN TOILET. They laughed in disbelief at his crazy tale. They pulled out of the driveway, arguing about it. They argued the whole way to the party.A couple of hours later, on the way home from the party. They drive past the house with the GOLDEN TOILET. And they guy insists on stopping so he could prove to his friends the these people really did have a GOLDEN TOILET. So, they agree to check it out. So they all walk up to the front door and ring the door bell. And a woman answers the door. ”Excuse me maam, but could you please let me show my friends here your GOLDEN TOILET, they don’t believe me!” ”So YOU’RE the guy!” The woman replies, then yells to her husband in the house, ”HONEY!?!…HERES THE GUY THAT POOPED IN YOUR TUBA!”’
If you are feeling good,
If you are feeling good, don’t worry. You’ll get over it.
Cockfight
You go to a cockfight.
How do you know if an American is there?……. He’s the one with a duck.
How do you know if an Italian is there?…….He bet on the duck.
How do you know if the Mafia is there?……. The duck wins.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Tantilazing