a doctor was hhaving an afair with his wife and gets the other woman pregnant.and tell her to send a postcard saying sapggetie on it if she has the baby.one day at work his wife calls and says honey you have a strang postcard saying sapggetie on it.he comes home and it says sapggetie sapggetie sapggetie sapggetie two with meatballs and two without
Author: admin
Cinderella wants
Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won’t
let her. As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother
appears, and promises to provide Cinderella with everything she needs
to go to the ball, but only on two conditions. “First, you must wear a
diaphragm.” Cinderella agrees. “What’s the second condition?”
“You must be home by 2 a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will turn
into a pumpkin.” Cinderella agrees to be home by 2 a.m. The appointed
hour comes and goes, and Cinderella doesn’t show up. Finally, at 5 a.m.,
Cinderella shows up, looking love-struck and **very** satisfied. “Where
have you been?” demands the fairygodmother. “Your diaphragm was
supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!”
“I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything.”
“I know of no prince with that kind of power! Tell me his name!”
“I can’t remember, exactly …Peter Peter,something or other….”
True Story: On the Sea
A young ensign had nearly completed his first overseas tour of sea duty when
he was given an opportunity to display his ability at getting the ship under
way. With a stream of crisp commands, he had the decks buzzing with men and
soon, the ship had left port and was streaming out of the channel.
The ensign’s efficiency has been remarkable. In fact, the deck was abuzz with
talk that he had set a new record for getting a destroyer under way. The ensign
glowed at his accomplishment and was not all surprised when another seaman
approached him with a message from the captain.
He was, however, a bit surprised to find that it was a radio message, and he
was even more surprised when he read, “My personal congratulations upon
completing your underway preparation exercise according to the book and with
amazing speed. In your haste, however, you have overlooked one of the unwritten
rules — Make sure the captain is aboard before getting under way.”
i phoned up a resteraunt the other day and…
i phoned up a resteraunt the other day and said do you deliver and they went no sorry we do lamb, chicken and fish
Thorough Doctor
A beautiful woman went to the gynecologist. The Doctor took one look at the woman and all his “professionalism” flew out the window!
He immediately told her to get undressed. After she disrobed the Doctor began to stroke her thigh.
Doing so, he asked her, “Do you know what I am doing?”
“Yes,” she replied, “You are checking for abrasions or dermatological abnormalities.”
“That is correct,” said the Doctor.
He then began to fondle her breast. “Do you know what I am doing now?” he asked. “Yes,” she said, “You are checking for lumps or breast cancer.”
“Correct,” replied the shady Doctor.
Finally he mounted his patient and started having sexual intercourse with her. He asked her, “Do you know what I am doing now?”
“Yes,” she said, “You are getting herpes; which is why I came here in the first place!”
Dust you are and…
A little boy had just got home from Sunday School and mom was cooking lunch.
“Mommy, is it true that before you’re born you’re just dust and after you die
you go back to being dust?”
“That’s right son, why?”
“Well, that’s just what they said in SundaySchool today.”
“Run up stairs and wash your hands son, lunch will be ready in a few
minutes.”
About 10 minutes went by and she called out for him to come down.
“I’ll be there in a minute.” As they were about to sit down at the table, the
little boy asked again about being dust before being born and after you die.
Once again mother said, “Yes son.”
The little boy looked at her and solemnly declared, “Then you better get up to
my room pretty quick, because there is someone under my bed either coming or
going!!”
House Work
One day, a wife and her husband were spending the day at home.
Her husband was watching football on TV when she said, “Honey,
the refrigerator is broken. Will you fix it?” Her husband
replied, “What do I look like, a damn repairman?” The next day
the wife’s car had a flat tire. She asked her husband, “Dear,
my car has a flat tire, can u repair it?” With that her husband
asked, “What do I look like, a mechanic?” Later that evening,
the wife said, “Honey, the porch light isn’t working, can you
please fix it?” After that her husband got really angry. “What
do i look like a damn electrician? Why do you keep asking me to
do stuff? Geez! I’m going for a drive!” Her husband left that
evening and didn’t come back until the next day. He realized he
had overreacted and should have helped out. When he came home
he saw that the porch light was fixed, the refrigerator worked,
and the car’s tire was replaced. He saw his wife sitting down
at the kitchen table and said, “Awww, honey, you called a
repairman after I left? You are so sweet.” The wife replied,
“Well, no. After you left I sat on the porch steps and started
crying. A handsome young man came by the house and saw me. He
asked why I was crying and I said all these things were broken
and no one would fix them. Then he said that he would fix them
for me if I would either bake him a cake or fuck him.” Her
husband asked, “Oh, well what kind of cake did you for him bake
him, honey?” To that the wife looked at her husband and asked,
“What do I look like to you, Betty Crocker?”
Blonde Paints a Porch
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself
out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy
neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and
asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. “Well, you can
paint my porch. How much will you charge?”
The blonde said “How about 50 dollars?” The man agreed and told
her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the
garage. The man’s wife, inside the house, heard the conversation
and said to her husband, “Does she realize that the porch goes
all the way around the house?”
The man replied, “She should. She was standing on the porch.”
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her
money.
“You’re finished already?” he asked. “Yes,” the blonde answered,
“and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. “Impressed,
the man reached in his pocket for the $50. “And by the way,” the
blonde added, “that’s not a Porch, it’s a Ferrari.”
Untitled joke
How many quadriplegics does it take to screw in a light bulb?
I don’t know, but you’ve got to admit that it would probably be fun to watch…
STUPID
You are so stupid your mom told you to go and buy a color t.v., and you came back and asked what color.
Golfer’s clueless wife
There was this guy who went golfing every Saturday and Sunday, it didn’t
matter what kind of weather it was he was hooked on a round of golf. One
Saturday he left the house early and headed for the golf course, but it was so
bitter cold that he decided he wouldn’t golf that day and went back home.
His wife was still in bed when he got there, so he took of his clothes and
snuggled up to his wife’s backside and said “Terrible weather out there.”
She replied, “Yeah, and can you believe my stupid husband went golfing?”
Fire bird
A guy calls up a pianter (a blonde) and askes how much would it be for him to get his porch painted green. The blonde answers 50 bucks. He says thats reasonable 4 a rape a round porch and tells her to come on over. She comes over and he tells her to start while he goes to work when the guy gets home he sees the blonde puting the finishing touch on his FIRE BIRD he screams ” what did u do to my fire bird” she answers wow all thiss time i thought it was a porche