Potato Marriage

One night, the Potato family – Mother Potato and her three daughters – sat down to dinner. Midway through the meal, the eldest daughter spoke up. “Mother Potato?” she said. “I have an announcement to make.”

“And what might that be?” said Mother, seeing the obvious excitement in her eldest daughter’s eyes.

“Well,” replied the daughter, with a proud but sheepish grin, “I’m getting married!”

The other daughters squealed with surprise as Mother Potato exclaimed, “Married! That’s wonderful! And who are you marrying, eldest daughter?”

“I’m marrying a Russet!”

“A Russet!” replied Mother Potato with pride. “Oh, a Russet is a fine tater, a fine tater indeed!”

As the family shared in the eldest daughter’s joy, the middle daughter spoke up. “Mother, I too, have anannouncement.”

“And what might that be?” asked Mother Potato.

Not knowing quite how to begin, the middle daughter paused, then said with conviction, “I, too, am getting married!”

“You, too!”Mother Potato said with joy. “That’s wonderful! Twice the good news in one evening! And who are you marrying, middle daughter?”

“I’m marrying an Idaho,” beamed the middle daughter.

“An Idaho!” said Mother Potato with joy. “Oh, an Idaho is a fine tater, a fine tater indeed!”

Once again, the room came alive with laughter and excited plans for the future, when the youngest Potato daughter interrupted. “Mother? Mother Potato?

Umm, I, too, have anannouncement to make.”

“Yes?” said Mother Potato with great anticipation.

“Well,” began the youngest Potato daughter with the same sheepish grin as her eldest sister before her,”I hope this doesn’t come as a shock to you, but I am getting married, as well!”

“Really?” said Mother Potato with sincere excitement. “All of my lovely daughters married! What wonderful news! And who, pray tell, are you marrying, youngest daughter, dear?”

“I’m marrying Dan Rather!”

“Dan Rather?!”

Mother Potato scowled suddenly. “But he’s just a common tater!”

Slip of the tongue

A guy with a black eye walks into a bar and sits down. He looks over at the guy next to him who also has a black eye and they both laugh. One guy says, I got mine with a slip of the tongue. I went to the train station ticket window to get a ticket and their was this beautiful, large breasted woman sitting there. I said I would like a pickett too tittsburg and she punched me in the eye.

The other guy said, I got mine with a slip of the tongue too. At breakfast instead of asking my wife to pass the cheerios I said you ruined my life you fat bitch!

Alligator shoes

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana.

She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the “no haggle” attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, “Maybe I’ll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!”

The shopkeeper said, “By all means, be my guest. Maybe you’ll luck out and catch yourself a big one!”

Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand.

Just then, he saw a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the creature, and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp bank.

Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watched in amazement.

Just then the blonde flipped the alligator on its back. Frustrated, she shouts out, “Damn it, this one isn’t wearing any shoes either!”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman

Tax’s For The Dead

A Brooklyn lawyer, a used car salesman and a banker were gathered by a coffin containing the body of an old friend. In his grief, one of the three said, “In my family, we have a custom of giving the dead some money, so they�ll have something to pay tax’s over there.”They all agreed that this was appropriate. The banker dropped a hundred dollar bill into the casket and walked away in tears.The car salesman did the same. The lawyer looked around and seeing no one was near the coffin, he took out the bills and wrote a check for $300.

Scratch Golfer

Two women were paired together as partners in a club tournament and met on the putting green for the first time.

After introductions, the first golfer asked, “What’s your handicap?”

“Oh, I’m a scratch golfer,” the other replied.

“Really!” exclaimed the first woman, suitably impressed that she was paired up with her.

“Yes, I write down all my good scores and scratch out the bad ones!

Pockets of persistent poverty in our society

“We’ve got pockets of persistent poverty in our society, which I refuse to
declare defeat � I mean, I refuse to allow them to continue on. And so one of
the things that we’re trying to do is to encourage a faith-based initiative to
spread its wings all across America, to be able to capture this great
compassionate spirit.” �George W. Bush, O’Fallon, Mo., Mar. 18, 2002