Author: admin

All about Clinton…

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Did you hear that Monica got honorable mention in her high school yearbook?
She was voted most likely to succeed.

What is Bill’s idea of safe sex?
A locked door.

Clinton still maintains he was not lying…He was standing and she was
kneeling.

Did you hear about President Clinton’s award nomination?
It’s for the 1998 Nobel PIECE Prize!

Why is President Clinton waiting to tell his side of the story?
He wants Marv Albert to do the interview.

The most recent reports of the stain on Monica’s dress have been released.
This whole thing seems to be a vast right-hand conspiracy!

What did Clinton say when asked if he had used protection?
“Sure, there was a guard standing right outside the door.”

Why was Monica Lewinsky in the White House after hours?
Clinton was showing her the proper way to take “dic”tation.

In a surprise interview, Monica was asked about the details of her late night
meetings with the President……”I can’t remember the details, she said,but I
know the answer is on the TIP of MY tongue!”

The White House announced today that from now on Bill Clinton would not be
worrying about international affairs. Instead he would focus all his attention
to what he is really good at : extra-marital affairs!

Heartbreaking letter from the Internet

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This just breaks my heart… please pass it on somore can help this unfortunate child…> Dear Friend:> I am a very sick boy little boy. My mother is typing> this for me, because I can’t. She is crying.> Don’t cry, Mommy! Mommy is always sad, but she says> it’s not my fault. I asked her if it was God’s fault,> but she didn’t answer, and only started crying harder,> so I don’t ask her that anymore.> The reason she is so sad is that I’m so sick. I was> born without a body. It doesn’t hurt, except when I go> to sleep.> The doctors gave me an artificial body. My body is a> burlap bag filled with leaves. The doctors said that> was the best they could do on account of us having no> money or insurance. I would like to have a body> transplant, but we need more money.> Mommy doesn’t work because she said employers don’t> hire crying people. I said, “Don’t cry, Mommy,” and she> hugged my burlap body. Mommy always gives me hugs, even> though she’s allergic to burlap, and it chafes her real> bad.> I hope you will help me. You can help me if you> forward this e-mail. Dr. Johansen said if you forward> this e-mail then Bill Gates will team up with AOL and> do a survey with NASA. Then the astronauts will collect> prayers from school children all over America and take> them up to space so that the angel can hear them> better. Then they will go to the Pope, and he will take> up a collection in church and send the money to the> doctors. The doctors could help me better then.> Maybe one day I will be able to play baseball. Or> maybe just use my lungs and heart, when the doctors> make them. The doctors said that every time you forward> this letter, the astronauts can take another prayer to> the angels. Please help me. Mommy is so sad, and I want> a body. I don’t want my leaves to rot before I turn 10.> If you don’t forward this e-mail, that’s OK. Mommy> says you’re a mean heartless shithead who doesn’t care> about a poor little boy with only a head.> She says that if you don’t stew in the raw pit of> your own guilt-ridden stomach, she hopes you die a long> slow horrible death so you can burn forever in hell.> What kind of goddamned person are you that you can’t> take five minutes to forward this to all your friends so> that they can feel guilt and shame for the rest of> their day, and then maybe help a poor, bodiless> nine-year-old boy?> Please help me. This really sucks. I try to be happy> but it’s hard. I wish I had a puppy. I wish I could> hold a puppy.> Thank You.> Billy ‘Smiles’ Evans,> The boy with just a head.> And a burlap sack for a body.

The Mermaid

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There was three guys that were fishing out in the ocean. After a while of not catching anything,one guy yells,”I’ve got something!” So they all rush over and help pull it in. They pulled for hours until inside the boat was a mermaid.
She plead for them to let her go and when they wouldn’t , she said, ” I’ll grant you each one wish if you let me go.

THe men agreed.

THe first guy said, Make me three times smarter than I already am.Poof, and then he started quoting shakespear perfectly.

The second guy seeing this said make me 10 times smarter. poof and then he figured out math problems that famous mathemations had been pondering for years.

The third guy said, make me 20 times smarter. The mermaid said, sir consider that carefully. He didn’t listen to her and said, make me twenty times smarter!

And poof, he turned into a woman.

A Family that Cares

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A little girl says, “Grandpa, can I sit on your lap?”

“Why sure you can,” her grandfather replied. As she is sitting on grand dad’s lap she says, “Grandpa, can you make a sound like a frog?”

“A sound like a frog? Well, sure Grandpa can make a sound like a frog.”

The girl says, “Grandpa, will you please please MAKE a sound like a frog?”

Perplexed, her grand dad says, “Sweet heart, why do you want me to make a sound like a frog?”

And the little girl says, “‘Cause Grandma said that when you croak, we’re going to Florida!”

An old man

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An old man was on the beach and walked up to a beautiful girl in a bikini – “I
want to feel your breasts” he exclaimed.

“Get away from me, you crazy old man” she replied.

“I want to feel your breasts, I will give you twenty dollars,” he says.

“Twenty dollars, are you nuts!? Get away from me!”

“I want to feel your breasts, I will give you ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS” he stated.

“NO! Get away from me!”

“TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS” he offered.

She paused to think about it, but then comes to her senses and says, “I said
NO!”

“FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS if you let me feel your breasts,” he exclaimed.

She thought, well he is old, and he seems harmless enough… and $500 IS a lot
of money… “Well, OK… but only for a minute.”

She loosened her bikini top and while both are standing there on the beach, he
slid his hands underneath and began to feel… then he started saying, “OH MY
GOD… OH MY GOD… OH MY GOD…” while he was caressing them.

Out of curiosity, she asked him, “Why do you keep saying, ‘Oh my god, oh my
god’?”

While continuing to feel her breasts he answered, “OH MY GOD… OH MY GOD…
OH MY GOD… OH MY GOD, where am I ever going to get five hundred dollars?”

One way ticket to Mars

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NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go, but with one catch – he couldn’t return to Earth.

The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. “One million dollars,” he answered, “because I want to donate it to M.I.T.”

The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for two million. “I want to give a million to my family,” he explained, “and leave the other million to my church.”

The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer’s ear, “Three million dollars.”

“Why so much more than the other two?” he queried.

“Because, if I get $3 million, I’ll give you $1 million, I’ll keep $1 million, and we’ll send the engineer!”