Q: How many Macintosh users does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: Two: One to ask the socket to eject the old bulb, and one to insert the new one.
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The Top 14 Signs Your Neighbor is Preparing a Y2K Bunker
14> He keeps asking if your daughters are “good breeding stock.”
13> Her excuse for running over your dog? “There was a freeze-dried ice cream sale at Wal-Mart.”
12> You catch him throwing cans of Spam into what you thought was an old tree stump.
11> Asks if you know anyone who would like five thousand bags of topsoil.
10> Turret with gun barrel now poking up from his kid’s sandbox.
9> Fido’s been getting into their flower bed for years, but this is his first land mine detonation.
8> He’s throwing a New Years Eve party for “all fertile women ages 18-35.”
7> What looks like a cement truck is now filling her empty pool with pork ‘n’ beans.
6> For weeks, he’s been trying to develop a taste for his own urine.
5> Shows you her new cookbook, “450 Recipes for Rice-a-Roni.”
4> Says he’s building a wine cellar — but the trucks are delivering malt liquor and Ripple.
3> Says his new shotgun is for “keeping mutants away from the womenfolk.”
2> Abandons his Noah’s Ark Recreation project and to slaughter and salt-cure the pairs of animals instead.
1> “Kidnap a Hooters waitress and repopulate the Earth” seems like an odd New Year’s resolution.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 1999 by Chris White ]Blonde quickies 7
Q: What’s a blonde’s favourite wine?
A: “Daaaady, I want to go to Miaaami!”
Q: What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common?
A1: They both have a black box.
A2: Both have a cockpit.
Q: What is the difference between a blond and a 747?
A: Not everyone has been in a 747
Q: What does a dumb blonde say when she gives birth?
A: Gee, Are you sure it’s mine?
Q: What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
A: “Are you sure it’s mine?”
Q: How do you get a blonde pregnant?
A: Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.
Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you?
A: Tell her she’s pregnant.
Q: What will she ask you?
A: “Is it mine?”
Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?
A: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.
Q: Why did the blonde climb the glass wall?
A: To see what was on the other side.
Replacement
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
There are more fish on
There are more fish on your wall than pictures.Motel 6 turns off the lights when they see you coming.There are more dishes in your sink than in your cabinets.
Naked Man and Nuns
Two nuns were driving down a country road when a naked man jumped out in front
of them and began dancing lewdly.
“what should we do?” one sister frantically asked.
“show him your cross.” the other said.
“hey, mister, ” the first nun yelled, as she rolled down her window, “get the
f*** out of my way!”
Confused soul
A pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he’s flying, and about flying when he’s with a woman.
The 3rd June episode
There was this girl called (warawobeba)married, during the absence of her husband, she smuggled her boyfriend in her car booth to her house through the guaradge which has a secret entrance to the room.
On the way to the house, the police stopped her, thouroughly searched inside the car and discovered her boy friend (akpache) hidding in the booth. The police questioned akpache and he said he just wanted to make an experiment how it taste to ride in the booth and that the police shouldnt worry he will be fine.
When they got home, they really had a good time and ended up in the shower, all of asudden, her husband appeared on them and do you know what answer they giave him when he questioned angrily? warawobeba said what is wrong if i shower with my uncle and akpache said why dont u join us, then them husband gave him a dirty slap, so akpache took on his heels naked though the forest, the neighbours shouted and called the police so akpatche was finally arrested to the police station and…….(to be continued)
Al Gore and an Angel
After Gore died he went to heaven and at the gates was an angel
to show him around. The angel took Al Gore into a room full of
clocks the clocks second hand represented how many times they
had lied in their life. Looking around, He saw mother Teresa’s
whose hand only moved once an hour The second one was George
Washington whose moved 30 seconds and hour after seeing everyone
he knew he noticed Bill Clinton’s was missing so he asked the
Angel where Bills was and the Angel said “oh, Jesus has it in
his room. Al looks surprised at the angel, and the Angel says “I
know what your thinking.. He’s not really special Jesus is just
using as a ceiling fan.”
How to Keep an Idiot Busy
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Blonde marriage
whats the advantage of being married to a blonde…. you get to park in handicapped zones
Free Meat
It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it?
Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16.
She agreed.
He had been counting the years off on his calendar and one day the teenager, who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, “I’ll be 16 tomorrow.”
“I know,” said the butcher with a smile, “I’ve been counting too, tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she’ll get, and watch the expression on her face.”
When the boy arrived home he told his mother.
The woman nodded and said, “Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on HIS face!”