Author: admin

What do you get when you cross a Cuban and a Pollock?
Ricky Retardo.

A father approached his 14 year old son and asks him what he wants most for his birthday.

The son replies, “I want to get laid Dad.”

The father says, “You are still a bit young for that.” He takes him out to the backyard and shows him a tree with a knot hole in it. “Practice on this and we’ll see next year,” says the father.

The next year the father asks the same question and gets the same reply. The father tells the son to practice on the knot hole for another year.

On his 16th birthday the son says, “Enough with the knot hole already, I am ready for a woman!”

The father agrees and takes the son into town to the local cathouse. He tells the madam, “One for me and one for my son.”

The madam replies “You go up the stairs and turn left, your son goes up the stairs and turns right.”

At the top of the stairs the father pauses to wish the son good luck and then goes into the room with the whore.

All of a sudden he hears terrible screaming coming from the room where his son went. He runs over and bursts into the room. There he sees his son shoving a broomstick in and out of the whore while she is screaming at the top of her lungs.

“What the fuck are you doing son?” yells the father.

“Checking for squirrels Dad” replies the son.

===============================A letter from the Smithsonian Institute:No matter what you might have read, this is parody. IT ISN’T REAL.===============================Paleoanthropology Division Smithsonian Institute 207 Pennsylvania Avenue Washington, DC 20078Dear Sir:Thank you for your latest submission to the Institute, labeled ‘211-D, layer seven, next to the clothesline post. Hominid skull.’ We have given this specimen a careful and detailed examination, and regret to inform you that we disagree with your theory that it represents ‘conclusive proof of the presence of Early Man in Charleston County two million years ago.’ Rather, it appears that what you have found is the head of a Barbie doll, of the variety one of our staff, who has small children, believes to be the ‘Malibu Barbie’. It is evident that you have given a great deal of thought to the analysis of this specimen, and you may be quite certain that those of us who are familiar with your prior work in the field were loathe to come to contradiction with your findings.However, we do feel that there are a number of physical attributes of the specimen which might have tipped you off to it’s modern origin: 1. The material is molded plastic. Ancient hominid remains are typically fossilized bone. 2. The cranial capacity of the specimen is approximately 9 cubic centimeters, well below the threshold of even the earliest identified proto-hominids. 3. The dentition pattern evident on the ‘skull’ is more consistent with the common domesticated canine (dog) than it is with the ‘ravenous man-eating Pliocene clams’ you speculate roamed the wetlands during that time. This latter finding is certainly one of the most intriguing hypotheses you have submitted in your history with this institution, but the evidence seems to weigh rather heavily against it.Without going into too much detail, let us say that: A. The specimen looks like the head of a Barbie doll that a dog has chewed on. B. Clams don’t have teeth.It is with feelings tinged with melancholy that we must deny your request to have the specimen carbon dated. This is partially due to the heavy load our lab must bear in its normal operation, and partly due to carbon dating’s notorious inaccuracy in fossils of recent geologic record. To the best of our knowledge, no Barbie dolls were produced prior to 1956 AD, and carbon dating is likely to produce wildly inaccurate results. Sadly, we must also deny your request that we approach the National Science Foundation’s Phylogeny Department with the concept of assigning your specimen the scientific name ‘Australopithecus spiff-arino.’ Speaking personally, I, for one, fought tenaciously for the acceptance of your proposed taxonomy, but was ultimately voted down because the species name you selected was hyphenated, and didn’t really sound like it might be Latin.However, we gladly accept your generous donation of this fascinating specimen to the museum. While it is undoubtedly not a hominid fossil it is, nonetheless, yet another riveting example of the great body of work you seem to accumulate here so effortlessly. You should know that our Director has reserved a special shelf in his own office for the display of the specimens you have previously submitted to the Institution, and the entire staff speculates daily on what you will happen upon next in your digs at the site you have discovered in your back yard.We eagerly anticipate your trip to our nation’s capital that you proposed in your last letter, and several of us are pressing the Director to pay for it. We are particularly interested in hearing you expand on your theories surrounding the ‘trans-positating fillifitation of ferrous ions in a structural matrix’ that makes the excellent juvenile Tyrannosaurus rex femur you recently discovered take on the deceptive appearance of a rusty 9-mm Sears Craftsman automotive crescent wrench.Yours in Science,Harvey Rowe Curator, Antiquities

Fidel Castro, desesperado ante la situaci�n de Cuba, se sienta en la Plaza de la Revoluci�n y se dirige a la estatua de Mart�:

“Por favor, Mart�, ay�dame a resolver el problema de mi pa�s.”

Y al rato siente una mano que le toca el hombro y le dice: “Si quieres que te ayude traeme un caballo.”

Fidel, asustado, sale corriendo y le hace el cuento a su hermano Ra�l, el cual quiere comprobarlo por sus propios ojos y acompana a fidel a donde se encuentra la estatua de Mart�. Fidel repite su pedido y al poco rato Mart� le contesta:

“Te dije que me trajeras un caballo, no un burro.”