When Is It Unlucky To See A Black Cat?
When Your A Mouse!
Author: admin
John was a clerk
John was a clerk in a small drugstore but he was not much of a salesman. He
could never find the item the customer wanted.
Bob, the owner, had about enough and warned John that the next sale he missed
would be his last.
Just then a man came in coughing and he ask John for their best cough syrup.
Try as he might John could not find the cough syrup. Remembering Bob’s warning
he sold the man a box of Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once.
The customer did as John said and then walked outside and leaned against a
lamp post.
Bob had seen the whole thing and came over to ask John what had transpired.
“He wanted something for his cough but I couldn’t find the cough syrup. I
substituted Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once” John explained.
“Ex-Lax won’t cure a cough!” Bob shouted angrily.
“Sure it will” John said, pointing at the man leaning on the lamp post.
“Just look at him. He’s afraid to cough!”
Top Ten Propose Arguments in the Matter of US vs William J. Clinton
From the law offices of Johnnie Cochrane, Esquire, here are the top ten proposed closing arguments in the matter of United States v. William J. Clinton:
10. If the dress ain’t a mess, he won’t need to confess
9. The economy’s great, let the White Boy skate
8. If the Bitch didn’t spit, you must acquit
7. If she is not spread eagle, then it is not illegal
6. Lewinsky’s a whore, and Bill’s better than Gore
5. So he lied to the masses, he was just saving some asses
4. He cheats on his wife, but it’s his personal life
3. Bill can’t tell the truth till he sees Ken Starr’s proof
2. Bill is not sleazy, Lewinsky’s just easy
1. If the sex is just oral, it is not really immoral
Tastes Like Chicken
Went to lunch with a friend today to a new chicken place. We asked how they prepare their chickens.
The answer was, “We just tell them they’re going to die.”
El �xito es, definitivamente, c�clico.
El �xito es, definitivamente, c�clico. Miren si no:
A los 4 a�os, tener �xito es no hacerte pip� en los pantalones.
A los 12 a�os, tener �xito es tener amigos.
A los 20 a�os, tener �xito es tener relaciones sexuales.
A los 35 a�os, tener �xito es tener dinero.
A los 65 a�os, tener �xito es tener relaciones sexuales.
A los 75 a�os, tener �xito es tener amigos (vivos).
A los 85 a�os, tener �xito es no hacerte pip� en los pantalones.
Q: How many punk
Q: How many punk rockers does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: Two: One to screw in the bulb and the other to smash the old one on his forehead.
The Blonde and the brunette
Q. A blonde and a brunette jumped off a building which one will hit the ground first?
A. The brunette because the blonde had to stop for directions.
What do you call a
What do you call a Jewish American Princess’s waterbed?
Lake Placid
Jumping on the bed
Q: How do you stop a black kid from jumping on the bed?
A: Put velcro on the ceiling.
Q: How do you get him down?
A: Blind fold two mexican kids and tell them he’s a pinata.
Shagerarder
There was once a girl called Shagerarder. Her mother needed to
go shopping so she left shagerarder on her own for a while.
While Shagerarder’s mother was gone the postman came and knocked
on the door. Shagerarder answered at once and the postman said,
“hello there, i’ve come to drop off this package.” Shagerarder
took the package and said, “thankyou, please, come in.”
“No, i can’t,” replied the postman, “i’ve gotta go.”
“i’ll tell my mummy.” she said. The postman thought for a moment
and then said, “oh ok then. If you insist.” He went inside and
had a cup of tea. When he’d finished he said, “im sorry, but ive
really gotta go now”
“No.” said Shagerarder, “don’t you want to come and look around
upstairs?”
“I can’t. I’ve gotta go, sorry.”
“I’ll tell my mummy.” said Shagerarder.
“Ok then,” said the postman
When they’d finished looking around upstairs Shagerarder said,
“do you want to go in my bedroom?”
“I can’t.” replied the postman, “sorry but i’ve really, really
gotta go now.”
“I’ll tell my mummy…”
“Oh ok then,”
While Shagerarder and the postman were upstairs Shagerarder’s
mother returned home from the shops and began to yell,
“Shagerarder?!! Shagerarder?!!” but the only reply she received
was from the postman, screaming, “i’m tryin’, i’m tryin’!”
Yogi Bear
Q.Why is there only one Yogi Bear?
A. Because when they tried to make another one, they made a Boo-Boo.
Y0K Bug (The switch from BC to AD)
Translated from latin scroll dated 2BCDear Cassius:Are you still working on the Y zero K problem? This change from BC to AD is giving us a lot of headaches and we haven’t much time left. I don’t know how people will cope with working the wrong way around. Having been working happily downwards forever, now we have to start thinking upwards. You would think that someone would have thought of it earlier and not left it to us to sort it all out at this last minute.I spoke to Caesar the other evening. He was livid that Julius hadn’t done something about it when he was sorting out the calendar. He said he could see why Brutus turned nasty. We called in Consultus, but he simply said that continuing downwards using minus BC won’t work and as usual charged a fortune for doing nothing useful.Surely we will not have to throw out all our hardware and start again? Macrohard will make yet another fortune out of this I suppose.The money lenders are paranoid of course! They have been told that all usury rates will invert and they will have to pay their clients to take out loans. Its an ill wind ……As for myself, I just can’t see the sand in an hourglass flowing upwards.We have heard that there are three wise men in the East who have been working on the problem, but unfortunately they won’t arrive until it’s all over.I have heard that there are plans to stable all horses at midnight at the turn of the year as there are fears that they will stop and try to run backwards, causing immense damage to chariots and possible loss of life.Some say the world will cease to exist at the moment of transition. Anyway, we are still continuing to work on this blasted Y zero K problem.I will send a parchment to you if anything further develops. If you have any ideas please let me know,Plutonius