Yours Fun Portal !
Two missionaries in Africa get apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large pot of water. They build a huge fire under it, and leave them there. A few minutes later, one of the missionaries starts to laugh uncontrollably. The other missionary can’t believe it!
He says, “What’s wrong with you? We’re being boiled alive! They’re gonna eat us! What could possibly be funny at a time like this?”
The other missionary says, “I just peed in the soup!”
You know why Monica Lewinsky would make a great NFL Kicker?
Because, she doesn’t choke on the long, hard ones!
Knock KnockWho’s there?Medellin!Medellin who?Medellin where you don’t belong!
An old man walks into a health clinic and tells doctor, “You
have got to do something to lower my sex drive.”
The doctor takes one look at the feeble old man and says, “Now,
now, sir, I have got the feeling that your sex drive is all in
your head.”
“That’s what I mean doc,” the old man says, “I have got to lower
it a little.”
A young engineering student started working at a factory as vacation
training. The foreman was a little busy so he handed the student a
broom and asked him to sweep the floor.
The student began to protest, indicating he was after all, an
engineering student. ‘Oh sorry” said the foreman, “this is how you do
it……”
Once upon a time, two little boys, Sammy and Tim, were sharing a room in the hospital. As they were getting to know each other a little bit, Sammy eventually asked Tim, �Hey Tim, what’re you in for?� �I’m getting my tonsils out — I’m a little worried,� said Tim. �Oh don’t worry about it. I had my tonsils out and it was a blast! I got to eat all the ice cream and jello I wanted for two weeks!��Oh yeah?” replied Tim. �That’s not half-bad. Hey, Sammy, how about you? What’re you here for?� �I’m getting a circumcision, whatever that is,� Sammy answered.�Oh my god, circumcision? I got one of those when I was a baby and I couldn’t walk for two years!�
Have you ever seen Hellen Kellers house?
Neither has she.
The scene was Mount Olympus, where Bacchus, the Greek god of wine, had thrown a party for a pair of visiting Roman deities — Ceres, the goddess of agriculture, and Janus, the two- faced god of doors and beginnings. Everyone overdid it, more or less. Ceres at one point was staggering and turning in circles; Janus, equally submerged, was trying to dance with her. Bacchus feared that the pair might fall over, so he went to steady them. …. This marked the first time that a whirled Ceres was held with a double-header.
Q. what’s the difference between a bandleader and a gynecologist?
a. a bandleader f**** his singers and a gynecologist sucks his fingers.
Sue and Sally meet at their 30th class reunion, and they haven’t seen each other since graduation.
They begin to talk and bring each other up to date. The conversation covers their husbands, their children, homes, etc., and finally gets around to their sex lives.
Sue says, “It’s ok, we get it on every week or so, but it’s no big adventure. How’s yours?”
Sally replies, “It’s just great, ever since we got into S&M.”
Sue is aghast, “Really, Sally, I never would have guessed that you would go for that!!”
“Oh, sure,” says Sally, “He snores while I masturbate.”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Tantilazing
What do you have when you bury six lawyers up to their necks in sand? Not enough sand.
Salman Rushdie plans to release another book soon.
It’s tentatively titled, “Buddah, You Fat Slob”.