how many ants are in an ant hill? how can you ANTSER that? ha ha ha!!!!!!!!!!!!
Author: admin
Knock KnockWho’s there?Kentucky!Kentucky who?Kentucky too
Knock KnockWho’s there?Kentucky!Kentucky who?Kentucky too well, have a sore throat!
Only One Sale?
A keen country lad applied for a salesman’s job at a city department store. In fact it was the biggest store in the world – you could get anything there.
The boss asked him, “Have you ever been a salesman before?”
“Yes, I was a salesman in the country” said the lad.
The boss liked the cut of him and said, “You can start tomorrow and I’ll come and see you when we close up.”
The day was long and arduous for the young man, but finally 5 o’clock came around. The boss duly fronted up and asked, “How many sales did you make today?”.
“One,” said the young salesman.
“Only one,” blurted the boss, “Most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale worth?”
“Three hundred thousand dollars,” said the young man.
“How did you manage that?” asked the flabbergasted boss.
“Well,” said the salesman, “this man came in and I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium hook and finally a really large hook. Then I sold him a small fishing line, a medium one and a huge big one. I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast. I said he would probably need a boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that twenty foot schooner with the twin engines. Then he said his Volkswagen probably wouldn’t be able to pull it, so I took him to the car department and sold him the new Deluxe Cruiser.”
The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment, “You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fish hook?”
“No,” answered the salesman, “He came in to buy a box of Tampons for his wife and I said to him, ‘Your weekend’s shot, you may as well go fishing.'”
What I’m Called?
A Scottish old timer in Scotland, in a bar, talking to a young man. Old Man: “Lad, look out there to the field. Do ya see that fence? Look how well it’s built. I built that fence stone by stone with me own two hands. Piled it for months. But do they call me McGregor-the-Great-Fence-Builder? Nooo..”Then the old man gestured at the bar. “Look here at the bar. Do ya see how smooth and polished it is? I planed that surface down by me own achin’ back. Carved that wood with me own hard labor, for eighteen days I worked. But do they call me McGregor-the-Great- Bar-builder? Nooo…”Then the old man points out the window. “Eh, Laddy, look out to sea. Do ya see that pier that stretches out as far as the eye can see? I built that pier with the sweat off me back. I nailed it board by board, hands blistered and swollen by the salt. But do they call me McGregor-the-Great-Pier-Builder? Nooo…”Then the old man looks around nervously, trying to make sure no one is paying attention. “Ya screw one little goat . . . “
My own room
When the Jones family moved into their new house, a visiting relative asked five-year-old Sammy how he liked the new place. “It’s terrific,” he said. “I have my own room, Mike has his own room, and Jamie has her own room. But poor mom is still in with dad.”
“Pap�, tengo dos noticias que
“Pap�, tengo dos noticias que darte: una buena y otra mala, �cu�l quieres saber primero?”
“La buena, por supuesto”.
“�La buena noticia es que dej� las drogas!”
“�Me alegra mucho, hijo! �Y cu�l es la mala?”
“Que no se d�nde las dej�…”
Polish Girl Does Tradein
Did you hear about the Polish girl who tried to trade her menstrual cycle in on a Honda?
How all careers end
How careers end… Mathematicians are discounted. Tree surgeons disembark. Vegas dealers are discarded.
Un grupo de monjas estaba
Un grupo de monjas estaba en el patio de la iglesia pele�ndose, a gritos, por subirse a una bicicleta:
��Yo, yo, sigo yo!�
��No, no, sigo yo!�
��Qu� no, que sigo yo!�
En eso, llega la madre superiora y les advierte:
�Si se siguen peleando, le pongo el asiento a la bicicleta”.
Desert Island
Three blondes are stuck on a desert island and one finds a magic lamp. They
rub it and a genie pops out and gives them each a wish. the first blonde says,
“I wish I was 10% smarter so I could get off of this island.”
Then she turns into a redhead and swims off the island. The second sees what
happens and says “I wish I was 25% smarter so that I can get off this island!”
She then turns into a brunette, makes a raft from trees and sails off. Finally,
the third blonde says “I wish I was 50% smarter so I can get off this island.”
She then suddenly turns into a man and walks across the bridge.
Ways to confuse a roommate
These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.113. Fill an empty shaving cream can with whipped cream. Use it to shave, and then spray some into your mouth. Later on, complain that you feel sick. Continue this process for several weeks.
How Specs Live Forever
The US Standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That’s an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used? Because that’s the way they built them in England, and the US railroads were built by English expatriates. Why did the English people build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that’s the gauge they used.
Why did “they” use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing. Okay! Why did the wagons use that odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing the wagons would break on some of the old, long distance roads, because that’s the spacing of the old wheel ruts.
So who built these old rutted roads? The first long distance roads in Europe were built by Imperial Rome for the benefit of their legions. The roads have been used ever since. And the ruts? The initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagons, were first made by Roman war chariots. Since the chariots were made for or by Imperial Rome they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing.
Thus, we have the answer to the original questions. The United State standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches derives from the original specification for an Imperial Roman army war chariot.
Specs and Bureaucracies live forever. So, the next time you are handed a specification and wonder what horse’s ass came up with it, you may be exactly right. Because the Imperial Roman chariots were made to be just wide enough to accommodate the back-ends of two war horses.