If it’s true that girls are inclined to marry men like their fathers, it is understandable why so many mothers cry so much at weddings.
Author: admin
Windows 2000
The following are new Windows messages that are under
consideration for the planned Windows 2000:
1.Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.
2.Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
3.Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
4.Press any key except… no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE!
5.Press Ctrl-Alt-Del now for IQ test.
6.Close your eyes and press escape three times.
7.Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
8.This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another
game?
9.Windows message: “Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)”
10.This is a message from God Gates: “Rebooting the world. Please log
off.”
11.To “shut down” your system; type “WIN.”
12.BREAKFAST.SYS halted… Cereal port not responding.
13.COFFEE.SYS missing… Insert cup in cup holder and press any key.
14.CONGRESS.SYS corrupted… Re-boot Washington D.C? (Y/N)
15.File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
16.Bad or missing mouse. Spank the cat? (Y/N)
17.Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.
18.Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
19.WinErr 16547: LPT1 not found. Use backup. (PENCIL & PAPER.SYS)
20.User Error: Replace user.
21.Windows Virus Scan 1.0 – “Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)”
22.Welcome to Microsoft’s World – Your Mortgage is Past Due…
23.If you are an artist, you should know that Bill Gates owns you and
all your future creations. Doesn’t it feel nice to have security?
24.Your hard drive has been scanned and all stolen software titles
have been deleted. The police are on the way.
You might be a college student if . . .
34. If your idea of feeding the poor is buying yourself some Ramen Noodles
Close shave
A man enters a barbershop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.
“I have just the thing,” says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. “Just place this between your cheek and gum.”
The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes, the client asks in garbled speech, “And what if I swallow it?”
“No problem,” says the barber. “Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does.”
stupid blonde
how many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb ?1001 1 to hold the bulb and a thousand to turn the building
Woman B. J. Etiquette Rules (and Men’s Response)
Woman B. J. Etiquette Rules
1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.
2. Extension to rule #1 – So if you get one, be grateful.
3. I don’t care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw; it is not standard practice to cum on someone’s face.
4. Extension to rule #3 – No, I DON’T have to swallow.
5. My ears are NOT handles.
6. Extension to rule #5 – do not push on the top of my head. Do you really WANT puke on you?
7. I don’t care HOW relaxed you get; it is NEVER OK to fart.
8. Having my period does not mean that it’s “hummer week” – get it through your head – I’m bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don’t feel particularly obligated to blow you just because YOU can’t have sex right now.
9. Extension to #8 – “Blue Balls” might have worked on high school girls! If you’re that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my Midol.
10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don’t tell me I’ve just “wrecked it” for you.
11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the future.
12. If you like how we do it, it’s probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we’re good at it. See also rule #2 about gratitude.
13. No, it doesn’t particularly taste good. And I don’t care about the protein content.
14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV.
15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don’t get B. J. often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathize or brag.
16. Just because “it’s awake” when you get up does not mean I have to “kiss it good morning”.
Man’s reply to Woman’s B. J. Etiquette
1. First of all, yes you are obligated to do it. if you don’t, we will find someone (younger, prettier, and dirtier) who will.
2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon full of cream is a hell of a lot easier than licking a dead fish
3. You want to talk about farting? Does the word “queef” mean anything to you?
4. I will use your ears as I see fit. Don’t worry about it & be thankful I’m not pulling your hair.
5. If you ever tell me what to say & not to say to my friends again, you won’t have to worry about getting those little hairs stuck in your teeth…because you won’t have any.
6. Maybe if you brushed your teeth & got the smell off your breath we would stick around afterward.
7. When you’re on your period, stuffing something in your mouth is the only way to stop you from bitching & moaning.
8. Speaking of which, if you are bleeding for five straight days, you need all the fluids you can get, trust me.
9. You bitch about the taste, but trust me when I tell you that we get the sh*t end of the stick in flavor country.
10. At least there is no danger of bleeding in your mouth
11. Play with the balls
12. No matter how good you think you are at it, we’ve had better.
13. B. Js are the only reason we spend time with you instead of our friends, take that away and you are, literally, useless.
14. Caress the ass, too, we like that.
15. Make hay when the sun shines. it’s “wide awake” in the morning now, but when you get old & fat (and you will) and looking for some action, gah-ron-tee it’ll be “sound asleep”.
16. If you swallow, then you don’t have to worry about getting any on your face, now will you? Leave the thinking to us, okay?
Fat housewife
A big fat housewife is on her hands and knees, scrubbing the kitchen floor, when she suddenly yells to her husband, “Come here quick, Charlie! I’m paralyzed! I can’t get up!”
He comes in, takes a look, and says, “Stand up, you silly old bat. You’re kneeling on one of your tits.”
Bitch and Bastard
A boy is at home with his parents but they start to have a fight. The mum says you bastard so the boy asks, what a bastard is, his mum says that its another name for husband. Then his dad says you bitch, the boy asks what a bitch is, his dad says that its another name for wife.
A few minutes later his mum is putting make-up on until she says shit because she has got it on her dress, again the boy asks, what shit means. His mm says that it means putting make-up. He goes downstairs where his dad is stuffing the chiccken until he gets his hand stuck and says fuck. Again the boy asks what it means. His dad says that it is another meaning for stuffing the chicken.
Not long after the mailman comes to the door and asks if his parents were home. The boy says yes and then the mailman asks where they are.
The boy says, the bitch is upstairs in the bedroom puuting shit on her face and the bastards in the kitchen fucking the chicken.
zack husley is so fat win his mom bis a 10…
zack husley is so fat win his mom bis a 1000 dollers over food she louck in the fregreter then she as to go by 2000 dollers ove food
your mama so stupid
Your mama so stupid, she sits on the T.V. and watches the couch.
Your mama so stupid, I told her it was chilly out side and she went and
got a bowl.
Food one-liner
On April Fools Day, a mother put a fire cracker under the pancakes. She blew her stack.
Your mama jokes
1. Your mama’s so ugly, when she was born they put tinted windows on her
incubator.
2. Your mama’s so fat, when she lays on the beach nobody else gets any sun.
3. Your mama’s so stupid, when her job application asked what sex she was
she put twice a week.
4. Your mama’s so poor her family has to eat cereal with a fork to save
milk.
5. Your mama’s house is so small, the front door is the back door.