Q: What do Hillary Clinton and the Dallas Cowboys have in common?A: They both dominate Bills.
Author: admin
Trains and Planes
Trains go fast,
Airplanes fly,
My love for you will never die.
Yo mama so dumb
yo mama so dumb,she tripped over a cordless phone.
A little girl wants to go
A little nine year old girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill. “Mommy” she said “Can we leave now?” “No” her mother replied. “Well, I think I have to throw up!” “Then go out the front door and around to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush.” In about two minutes the little girl returned to her seat. “Did you throw up?” her mother asked. “Yes” the little girl replied. “Well, how could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and return so quickly?” “I didn’t have to go out of the church, Mommy” the little girl replied, “They have a box next to the front door that says ‘for the sick’.”
If you try to fail,
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them? Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song? What happens when none of your bees wax? Where are we going? And what’s with this handbasket?
The chemistry professor
During class, the chemistry professor was demonstrating the properties of
various acids. “Now I’m dropping this silver coin into this glass of acid. Will
it dissolve?” “No, sir,” a student called out. “No?” queried the professor.
“Perhaps you can explain why the silver coin won’t dissolve.” “Because if it
would, you wouldn’t have dropped it in.”
Zactly
Everywhere this lady went, nobody wanted to talk to her, no one ever asked her to go out. Guys came up to her and turned away. She wondered why this would happen.
So she went to her doctor and told him what was going on. She thought
that maybe there was a problem with her.
The doctor told her he would give her a complete exam.
He told her to undress and get up on the table, so she did.
He told her to open her mouth and he checked it.
Then he asked her to get down from the table and bend over.
He then said to the lady, “I know what your problem is, you have zactly.”
The lady then asked, “What is zactly?”
The doctor said, “Lady your mouth smells zactly like your butt!”
Osama vs. George
George Bush and Osama Bin Laden decided to sit down and think of
a way to solve things. They decided to each breed the most
ferocious,meanest dogs and fight them. Osama went out and bred a
doberman with a rotwiler and bred that with a wolf. They had to
put it in a cage with bars 5 in. thick & couldn’t go near it.
George showed up with a 7 ft. weiner dog. everyone laughed as it
waddled over to the ferocious doberman,rotwiller,wolf. But the
weiner dog ate Osama’s dog! Osama Bin laden could not believe
it. “I don’t understand,My trainers have been working night and
day to make this dog ferocious,!” George smiled and
said,”Well,my plastic surgeons have been working night and day
to make this alligator look like a weiner dog!”
Q: How many macrobiotics
Q: How many macrobiotics does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: Three. One to make the coffee, one to get the cigarettes, and one to ask Michio Kushi for instructions.
Top 10 reasons computers must be male
10. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
9. A better model is always just around the corner.
8. They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.
7. It is always necessary to have a backup.
6. They’ll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.
5. The best part of having either one is the games you can play.
4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
3. The lights are on but nobody’s home.
2. Big power surges knock them out for the night.
1. Size does matter.
Monica Lewinsky told Bill Clinton
Monica Lewinsky told Bill Clinton in the Oval Office that the ceiling
needs to be painted.
Question and answer Clinton joke
Q: What is the difference between TV characters Dan and Roseanne Conner and the Clintons?A: The Conners own their own home.
Joke found on http://www.ahajokes.com