A Martian couple and an Earthling couple have met and are talking about all sorts of things. Finally, the subject of sex comes up.”Just how do you guys do it?” asked the Earthling.”Pretty much the way you do,” responded the Martian.Discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another. The female Earthling and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips. He’s got only a teeny, weeny member; very short and very narrow.”What can you do with THAT!?” exclaims the woman.”Why?” he asked, “What’s the matter?””Well,” she replied, “it’s nowhere near long enough. It’ll never reach!””No problem,” he said and proceeded to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grew until it was quite impressively long.”Well,” she said.”That’s quite impressive, but it’s still pretty narrow.””No problem,” he said again and started pulling his ears. With each pull his member grew wider and wider until the entire measurement was extremely exciting to the woman.”Wow!” she exclaimed as they fell into bed and made mad, passionate love. The next day the couples rejoined their normal partners and went off together.As they walked along the Earthling male said, “Well, was it any good?””I hate to say it,” she said, “but it was really wonderful. How about you?””Well,” he said, “It was the weirdest thing. She kept slapping me on the forehead and pulling my ears all night.”
Author: admin
Dying Preacher
A preacher was dying, and he sent for Bill and Hillary Clinton.
They were very flattered and agreed to come. When they got
there, he asked them to stand on either side of the bed and hold
his hands. The pastor lay on the bed with a look of pure joy on
his face.
They were even more flattered, but finally, their curiosity got
the better of them. They asked why he wanted them there while he
was dying. He smiled and said: “I just wanted to die like Jesus.
He died between two thieves.”
Unruly Kids…..
This is fiction, fantasy and simply made up… but sometimes ya gotta wish… A young mother paying a visit to the home of friends who were both scientists, made no attempt to restrain her five-year-old son, who was ransacking an adjoining room. Finally, an extra loud clatter of bottles did prompt her to say: ‘I hope you don’t mind Johnny being in there.”No,’ said the chemist calmly, ‘He’ll be quiet when he gets to the poisons.’
The Shoplifter…
The Shoplifter…
A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from an exclusive jewelry store.
“Listen,” said the shoplifter, “I know you don’t want any trouble either.
What do you say I just buy the watch and we forget about this?”
The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip.
The crook looked at the slip and said, “This is a little more than I intended to spend.
Can you show me something less expensive?”
Dog vs. Fox
Q: What is the difference between a dog and a fox? A: About five drinks.
Reply To A Rejection Letter
The next time you get a rejection letter from a hoped-for employer orpublisher, just send them the following:
Dear [name of the person who signed the rejection letter],
Thank you for your letter of [date of the rejection letter]. After carefulconsideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept yourrefusal to offer me [employment with your firm/a contract to publish mybook]. This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving anunusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied andpromising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept allrefusals.
Despite [name of the co or agency that sent you this letter]’s outstandingqualifications and previous experience in rejecting[applicants/manuscripts], I find that your rejection does not meet with myneeds at this time. Therefore, I will initiate [employment/publishing] withyour firm immediately following [graduation/job change, etc. — get creativehere]. I look forward to working with you.
Best of luck in rejecting future [candidates/manuscripts].
Sincerely,
[your name]Died in Service
One Sunday morning the pastor noticed little Johnny was standing staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. The young man of seven had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up and stood beside him and gazing up at the plaque he said quietly, “Good morning son.”
“Good morning pastor” replied the young man not taking his eyes off the plaque.
“Sir, what is this?” Johnny asked.
“Well son, these are all the people who have died in the service”, replied the pastor.
Soberly, they stood together staring up at the large plaque. Little Johnny’s voice barely broke the silence when he asked quietly, “Which one sir, the 8:30 or the 10:30?”
Backward Collar
A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he
had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar that
way.
The man, who was a priest, said, �I am a Father.”
The little boy replied “My Daddy doesn’t wear his collar like that.”
The priest looked up from his book and answered “I am the Father of many.”
The boy said “My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn’t
wear his collar that way.”
The priest, getting impatient, said, “I am the Father of hundreds” and went
back to reading his book.
The little boy sat quietly…but on leaving the bus he leaned over and
said…. “Well, maybe you should wear your pants backwards instead.”
Been circumcised
Two five year old boys are standing at the potty to pee. One says, “Your thing doesn’t have any skin on it!”
“I’ve been circumcised.”
“What’s that mean?”
“It means they cut the skin off the end.”
“How old were you when it was cut off?”
“My mom said I was two days old.”
“Did it hurt?”
“You bet it hurt, I didn’t walk for a year!”
4 Doctors
Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work.
The first said, “I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered.”
The second said, “I think librarians are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order.”
The third said, “I like to operate on electricians. You open them up and everything inside is color-coded.”
The fourth one said, “I like to operate on lawyers. They’re heartless, spineless, gutless, and their heads and their asses are interchangeable.”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by yisman
The frog and the psychic
A lonely frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and asked what his future holds. His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him: “You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.” The frog is thrilled, “Will I meet her at a party?” “No,” says the psychic, “I see… a biology class.”
A computer’s attention span is
A computer’s attention span is as long as it’s power cord.